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THE ART AND SCIENCE OF FEMALE EJACULATION

The nature of female orgasm problems has changed as times have gone by.

In the early days of sexual therapy, the major issue was either not having an orgasm at all, or it was about “having the right kind of orgasm” — as defined by Freud, that is to say, i.e. vaginal versus clitoral. (A debate which still rages….)

Nowadays it might be more accurate to say that the issues have moved away form anorgasmia to interest in squirting orgasms and female ejaculation.

Female Ejaculation

Even now, however, the triggers for orgasm are not fully understood, and neither are the reasons why some women find it very easy to have an orgasm and others find it difficult, or even impossible.

When it gets to squirting orgasms, the issues are even more complicated. Here’s what Cosmo says:

My best friend regularly obsesses about her boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend, who was a “squirter,” and therefore the real-life incarnate of many men’s fantasy partner. Porn has encouraged men to believe that when they’ve truly rocked a woman’s body, it starts doing an impression of the Bellagio Fountain in the second-to-last scene of Ocean’s Eleven.

The average woman, myself included, doesn’t know whether squirting is real or fake beyond your standard urban legends, like, “Ashley’s friend’s ex’s friend’s aunt’s babysitter’s college roommate squirts,” which does not count. So, like the instalment in the classic girl’s mystery series entitled Nancy Drew and the Case Of Projectile Vaginal Excretions, I sleuthed with the help of a number of experts in order to solve the mystery. Ian Kerner, sexual health expert and The New York Times best selling author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide To Pleasuring a Woman, says that involuntary squirting is the Loch Ness Monster of sex. In other words, an unverifiable legend.

One of the reasons for this confusion is undoubtedly the fact that in most cases there is a very large number of factors contributing to a woman’s psychological and physical ability to orgasm…..with or without squirting orgasms. These can include both anatomical factors and the sociocultural environment in which a woman was brought up and the one in which she currently lives.

And don’t forget the interpersonal issues around her relationship with her partner, and even the impact of drugs being taken for other medical conditions.

Probably because there is such a wide range of factors contributing to the origin of orgasmic problems, there is an almost equally wide variety of possible ways of learning how to reach orgasm including sexual psychotherapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy.

Obviously when a woman says she wants to learn how to enjoy squirting orgasms and discover how to ejaculate — the first question that should be asked is: why might she want to do this, and the second is: how can she?

Of course, in reality things are never so simple, because the sociological and cultural context of squirting needs to be at the centre of any approach to learning how to do it.

So, for example, the couple need to question what orgasms, and squirting orgasms, actually mean to a woman, and for that matter, to her partner.

It might also be necessary to consider whether the absence of squirting orgasms is a problem for the couple.

A Digression – The Nature Of Orgasm

When you consider many women don’t have a sense of ownership over their bodies, and that their main focus during sex is to please their partner, the potential complexity of this issue becomes clear.

The key factor that most women mention when they describe having an orgasm is the release of tension which has gradually built up over a period of increasing sexual arousal and excitement — although this does not come close to describing the subjective experience of orgasm and the pleasure that may accompany it. (See information about the sexual response cycle here.)

We know that physiologically, the entire body is involved in orgasming, with rhythmic contractions in the uterus, the vagina, and the rectal sphincter which may persist for between 5 and 30 contractions depending on the intensity of the experience.

But in addition, the muscles of the face, the abdomen, and other parts of the body may contract or spasm; and there are other physiological changes such as flushing of the skin and sweating.

Controversy still exists about the relative importance of the vagina, cervix, uterus and clitoris in promoting orgasm, which seems to be another factor why it’s difficult to definitely talk about squirting orgasms as a particular type of orgasm.

Women – learn how to squirt

Orgasm problems – i.e the lack of orgasm – are the most common sexually reported problem in women, with up to a quarter of all women reporting that in the past year they have had difficulty in reaching orgasm or not been able to achieve it at all.

Other studies have, admittedly, reported a lower prevalence of orgasmic disorder in the female population — affecting around 10% of all women, but even so it’s a very significant proportion of the female population who appear to be having difficulty in this respect.

It is common to distinguish between primary and secondary anorgasmia.

Primary anorgasmia means a woman has never had an orgasm, while secondary anorgasmia means that a woman has trouble reaching an orgasm in some circumstances — they may be infrequent, or they may occur only under certain specific conditions.

In this context it’s important to recall that very few women actually have an orgasm during intercourse, and although statistics on this vary, maybe no more than 15% of the female population regularly achieves orgasm during intercourse. This could not, therefore, be regarded as a pathological kind of anorgasmia – it’s normal.

From Isismedia.org

Body fluids are natural and even provocative. The body is an incredible chemical organism and its beautiful physical form venerated in art. It’s fluids, by extension, are beautiful and healthful. The eastern spiritual religion of Tantra views women’s bodies as temples. In fact, female ejaculate is considered a prize health tonic when rubbed into the body or drunk, invigorating and uplifting her male partner.

Who’s Squirting?

Among all this talk of female ejaculation, squirting orgasms, and how to make a woman squirt, it’s easy to forget the fact that at the end of the day it’s a woman’s choice whether or not she wants to try it.

Men can be so obsessed with the spectacular sight of a woman gushing during orgasm that they forget there is an element of choice around this – not all women are interested in squirting at the moment of orgasm.

Yet the truth is that people have been fascinated by squirting orgasms for a very long time – where does the “gush” come from? What makes this liquid explode in a fountain? And what is it?

Many people who are interested in squirting hav probably read the study by a team of French researchers which concluded that most of the liquid that comes out of the urethra when a woman “squirts” or gushes is urine.

Needless to say, other researchers think the quality of this study was low, and sexuality activists who proclaim that the independent spirit of the female body lives on in the act of ejaculation, don’t agree, and female ejaculators have a lot to say about the matter – basically suggesting that this is just another example of how the female body has been medicalized, taken away from women, and their own experience of sexuality denied. All of which may well be true…..

In the face of such confusion, what can we actually establish about why a woman might want to experience squirting orgasms  for herself, and how men can get involved with how to make a woman squirt? (Or, rather, how to help her squirt.)

Well. We have to admit that there’s a long history of misinformation, confusion, and totally biased coverage of the subject of squirting.

Nothing in this area is simple, and the more you delve into it, the less does that good old-fashioned quality of truth appear to be relevant.

For example, studies have demonstrated that either 10% or 69% of women can ejaculate: you’d be right to think this is an absurdity and means that scientific studies are not telling us a great deal about squirting orgasms and female ejaculation, let alone how to make a woman squirt…..

Video – Female Ejaculation

Does this really represent some variation on how women’s bodies operate, or some feat of imagination by women who are deluding themselves?

Fortunately one intrepid authoress has investigated this very subject, and I’m going to report what she discovered.

To start with, she makes the point that scientists and sex bloggers all agree that female ejaculation, aka squirting orgasms, is caused by G spot stimulation.

Thank heavens for some area of agreement! The other thing that people seem to be generally agreed upon is the fact that women, at least some women, expel some kind of liquid from the urethra during orgasm.

Some people claim that this is kind of prostatic fluid secreted by the Skenes glands, analogous to the prostate tissue in men, which are indeed located in this area and open into the female urethra.

Other people have a more down-to-earth or pragmatic view – they think that a woman is basically urinating when she ejaculates.

Obsessive Thinking Helps No-one

There are two obsessions commonplace in the world of squirting orgasms and female ejaculation: one is the obsession that a lot of women and some men (or, should that be a lot of men and some women) have with achieving it, and the other is an obsession with working out what the fluid actually is composed of.

Perhaps there are even some women who simply think that it’s a nice party trick. But you can see this isn’t simple. Or at least, it doesn’t appear to be simple.

However I think you can distil female ejaculation down to simple things like, for example, you find some instructions on how to do and then go and do it.

Sure. Yet people obsess about the detail and want to understand it.

So the other thing that occurs to me is how right this woman is when she talks about the fact that none of the articles on female ejaculation are couched in terms attractive to women.

I mean, she’s right when she says you never see an article headed something like “Five fabulous tips to make any woman feel really amazing when she comes.” Instead, you see things like “Five fabulous tips to make any woman squirt easily”.

So perhaps there is a lack of sensitivity around squirting orgasms here too?

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The Art Of Female Sexual Pleasure

It’s good to come across a website called the squirt project (which, as you can imagine, leaves nothing to the imagination) all about documenting individual women’s stories of squirting orgasms.

And perhaps unsurprisingly (because the more you delve into the subject, the more you realize that there are many urban myths around female ejaculation, squirting orgasms, and the possibility of G spot orgasm) she starts her blog with a warning about how hard she found it to separate truth and fiction.

She says: “I found there to be a general lack of concrete information on the subject and a disproportionate amount of faked or exploitative situations featuring so-called squirting.”

Video – Female Ejaculation & Squirting Orgasms

As a response to that she asked people to share their stories – and boy, did they deliver. This is a great project, because it’s designed to increase understanding, acceptance, and knowledge of female ejaculation.

After all,  there have been many medical developments where the evolution of knowledge has eventually been influenced by the personal stories of people who for a long time had their experiences denied in one way or another by the so-called “professionals”.

Thus, it’s entirely possible that the same is true about female ejaculation and squirting orgasms for all kinds of reasons, including the patriarchal pseudo-ownership of female sexuality that has characterized our society for millenia.

Take the first story on the blog.

This is a woman submitted in February 2016 by a woman who says that she squirted for the first time when she was having sex with her casual sex partner (her f*ck buddy).

Here’s her story: he had a thick cock, and it felt amazing, tight and big in her vagina, She was extremely turned on, and very wet. And while he was having sex with her, he was stimulating her nipples, which were incredibly sensitive.

This woman says she came many times during intercourse. (Good for her – we know that coming during intercourse is comparatively rare for most women, so congratulations to her for having that level of sexual sensitivity and sexual expression.)

Anyway, she had several orgasms, but was still turned on when her boyfriend left, and she wanted to “take care of herself” further.

Enter the magic wand,a  double-ended stainless steel dildo, with which she masturbated.

Previously – not much feeling. This time – she put it into her vagina, and it felt amazing.

She felt it rubbing against her G spot, and then came the sensation many women report when their G spot is stimulated – something like feeling the need to urinate.

However, she knew enough to guess that this was more about female ejaculation than peeing, so she continued rubbing her G spot, feeling the fluid building up, and then suddenly experiencing the release of fluid, even though she didn’t reach orgasm.

This is something a lot of women report – that they can actually release fluid without reaching orgasm.

The Next Story Of A Squirter

We move onto another account of female ejaculation on this website by a 22-year-old woman who’d been on a couple of dates with an adorable man who was “very sexually attractive” to her.

After a few dates they were getting sexually intimate, and the second time they had sex she had a squirting orgasm and suddenly ejaculated.

How did it go? She could feel his fingers moving inside of her, although she “didn’t know what he was doing in there” – but whatever it was, he was certainly successful, because she “felt a huge surge of fluid building up” which then poured out and went everywhere, with her reaching orgasm seconds after the ejaculation.

She hadn’t experienced this before, and she sat up in confusion – looking at the bedsheets, soaked with fluid, convinced that she’d urinated.

As she said, however,  the fluid didn’t have any characteristics of urine —  but equally it wasn’t the fluid that she recognized as coming out from her vagina when she was really turned on.

But without even needing to understand what the fluid was, she said she was in awe of her squirting orgasms, caused, she thinks, by “the angle and size of his fingers”.

There are plenty of stories about squirting orgasms which resemble this on the website – the question is, do they mean anything?

I think they do, because they are consistent and (assuming they aren’t written by men fantasizing about what women might do during a squirting orgasm), some of them have a certain level of authenticity.

For example, here’s a description of how a woman woke up one day with her boyfriend feeling horny, and they started trying sex in different positions.

She said she was “on fire, living in the moment, not thinking about anything but pleasure”.

Somehow she knew or felt instinctively that she was going to go to a place she’d never been before – then she started feeling that special spot inside vagina – it was her G spot being stimulated.

In the past, she says, all her orgasms had come from clitoral stimulation, but this she knew this was different as soon as she began to feel it.

This sensation was so powerful in fact that she pulled herself away from his penis, and she did so, she felt a liquid squirting from her vagina.

You might have seen videos of female ejaculation on the Internet where the woman shakes uncontrollably as she has an orgasm and ejaculates.

And indeed this woman reports the exact same thing – shaking and squirting. The interesting thing is that she says it didn’t feel like she was urinating. And indeed, she wasn’t.

So what happened next? Well, she started to analyse the experience and realized that she’d helped herself to enjoy squirting orgasms by “letting go” (of inhibitions), and by “fully diving into the sensation”.

What’s more, she let go of fear, shame and worry about what was happening, and simply allowed herself to feel the love, the passion and the sensations of the moment.

One woman describes how a man suggested to a woman that her problem with sex was her orgasm. They weren’t having much sex, and she wasn’t having many orgasms, although she was able to bring herself off using an Hitachi magic wand.

Sure, she says, she’d heard of the phenomenon of female ejaculation, and even seen the videos of squirting orgasms. (You know the ones – gushing liquid pouring out from between a screaming girl’s legs.)

As she says, these movies certainly looked interesting, but ejaculation, gushing or squirting was a completely foreign concept to her. At the time she wasn’t even having regular orgasms.

And then things changed. She met a man. And even though he wasn’t very attractive physically, she found the chemistry between them to be electric. Indeed, it was “f*cking magical”.

Yes. During their first sexual encounter, she had eight orgasms. Her body loved him from the start. She was astonished and speechless, her body was revealing her ability to have orgasms, and it did things she’s never expected or experienced before – including squirting.

In fact, she squirted copiously. Curious, she tasted the liquid, which was clear, colourless, odourless, and a little sweet. Yes, as all the experts tell us – definitely not pee.

Later, this man, who had prompted her body to experience female ejaculation, became her boyfriend and helped her to explore the phenomenon of squirting orgasms in different ways.

And she discovered was that for her, female ejaculation is fluid being expelled from the Skene’s glands during or before female orgasm.

This is the Amrita of which the Tantric therapists and practitioners have known for long time – Amrita meaning divine nectar.

Gushing is the release of sacred waters; this woman describes the release as a pleasurable experience — albeit a messy one.

And, oddly enough, she relates the story of her vsit to a gynecologist, who offered no explanation about what was happening except to observe that “once you become squirter, you’re always a squirter”. Oh…..

Our intrepid journalist also tells us that she now empties her bladder before sex to be sure she’s not urinating.

Yet the amount of fluid ejaculated can be rather shocking. It is, she says, all about bearing down when “the sensation” comes instead of clenching up. And, she adds, a woman needs to feel safe with her partner and completely relaxed with him (or I guess, her) – because this is a process which involves letting go and being vulnerable.

Video – Squirting

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Oral Sex: How To Make A Girl Squirt

What we call “giving head” is a term used for pleasuring your partner – that means bringing her to orgasm – using your lips, tongue and mouth on the genitals – specifically on her clitoris and vaginal opening.

How to enjoy giving head

Naturally enough, when you try this you will find both of you enjoy the experience, because it’s natural for men to be aroused by oral sex, and it’s natural for women to reach orgasm.

The interesting thing is that this is actually a very easy way of making a  woman orgasm, so for a lot of men it’s probably easier to bring her to orgasm with oral sex before having intercourse. (See www.comingtowomen.com for more on this…)

You see, unlike men, women can (and do) go on and have more sexual pleasure after they’ve reached orgasm – and their descent from the heights of orgasm to normal levels of arousal can be quite slow.

Hygiene Is Important

So when a man is good at “eating a woman out” or pleasuring her orally, he’s most likely going to find that she wants to have intercourse with him after he’s done it. In any event, this is a very intimate experience that can bond a couple and bring them much closer together.

However for many men – and indeed a lot of women – one of the problems here is that there is a perception that female genitals can be offensively smelly or taste and pleasant.

The truth of the matter is different – this is simply not the case: it’s only when the genitals aren’t clean that they can smell offensively.

So take a quick shower together before sexual activity, and that can make the whole experience very pleasurable for both parties – the woman can relax, not worrying about whether she’s clean or not, and the man can enjoy licking her in this most intimate of all places.

Many men will find that this oral pleasure – oral sex or cunnilingus – is so arousing that they get an erection which is very hard and long lasting! No surprise as you bury your face in her vulva and stick your tongue into her vagina!

Indeed, people have said that it’s actually quite normal for a man to reach orgasm when he’s giving a woman oral pleasure – and you may find that you’re very attuned to the sexual arousal of your partner as you do so.

Amazingly, it is possible for man to come – to reach orgasm – simply through the arousal that he experiences as he is licking his partner’s vulva; she too becomes more and more aroused. That’s because her arousal will tend to follow his, and vice versa. It’s positive feedback!

Good sex isn’t just about oral sex – but the point about this is that it’s a good prelude to intercourse for both men and women like.

You can bring a woman to orgasm easily, and leave her in a state of arousal where she is highly aroused, ready for and expectant about intercourse, without reaching orgasm yourself. This means there is no danger of her going unsatisfied, not having an orgasm, if you ejaculate too quickly.

So how do you eat a woman out, or how do you give her head, or bring her off using your tongue ? Well, that’s the perennial question for all men who want to satisfy their partners.

How To Give Oral Pleasure

The first thing is to make the woman feel relaxed about what you’re doing. In other words she’s got to believe you’re enjoying it, so any squeamishness on your part is definitely something you need to deal with before you begin to enjoy oral pleasure together.

Assuming you’ve got this out of the way, keep in mind that it’s not just about plunging your tongue straight into a woman’s pussy with your lips on her vulva! It’s about arousing her first with cuddles and caresses and intimacy.

Only when you’ve actually done this can you begin to get her aroused more directly by approaching her clitoris and vulva.

The other thing that you need to know is that it’s necessary for both partners (at least when oral sex is on the menu) to avoid thinking about eating her out if you’re squeamish or she’s not relaxed about how clean she is. Like I said, make sure that you get this sorted out before you begin.

Having said that, there’s nothing really to worry about, because almost any oral pleasure a woman receives is going to actually give her wonderful sensations and very probably help her enjoy orgasms, though maybe not squirting orgasms.

Needless to say, you should both be in a comfortable position, and the man shouldn’t experience any kind of backache or strain. You need to to find a position where you can relax because despite the fact that women find this arousing, it may take a while to bring her to orgasm!

The most fundamental instruction about oral sex is – at least for the woman – simply to lie back and enjoy it!

Naturally it’s going to be helpful to tell a man when he’s doing something that you like, and it’s necessary also to give him feedback to ensure that he knows what he’s doing.

As far as the man is concerned, simplicity is the best approach – listen to her, watch her body language, and do more of what makes her feel good (you’ll know because she’ll give plenty of signs that she’s enjoying herself!)

Oral sex is a great way of giving a woman an orgasm – if not squirting orgasms. But, if you have a close emotional relationship with her, you may still find that the intimacy and closeness of oral sex results in her producing Amrita at the moment of orgasm.

This is the production of female ejaculatory fluid which sometimes emerges as squirting orgasms – so-called because the fluid is sometimes expelled with great force as the woman reaches climax.

And I want to make it clear at this point that great sex and good relationships are not just about pleasuring a woman with oral sex.

They are about much more than that.

As far as the man is concerned, they’re essentially about the display of clear masculinity that a woman can respect and which makes her feel safe.

Sadly there are very few men in a state of maturity in the world today, and society lacks grown-up emotionally mature men, who should be the foundation of our society.

Being able to pleasure a woman is certainly one aspect of the mature masculine, but then so is being certain of what you’re doing with your own life.

Being able to take control of your life, and to direct it so that you’re satisfied and happy with the way things are going is a very powerful and wonderful experience, but is sadly something that few men are truly able to experience.

You’ll find it much easier to manifest reality, to know how to get what you want, if you’re actually in tune with some of the more spiritual aspects of the way the universe works.

I might add that the more spiritual your existence, the more you are going to enjoy sex! It’s necessary, I think, to point out that manifestation and the Law of Attraction are not just about getting material goods, or wealth, but they are also about obtaining spiritual satisfaction, and the pleasure of all the intangible things that the world can produce. That includes a relationship with a soulmate who can support you and love you as you go through life.

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How To Make A Woman Squirt

I want you to think for a moment what you’d feel like if you could make your woman come every every time you have sex. And think how she would feel if these orgasms were the most intense and exciting she’s ever had!

What if they were squirting orgasms?

Apart from the fact that you’d be more sexually confident and fulfilled than ever before, your partner would want sex with you just as often as she could get it – after all, a woman who’s enjoying massive squirting orgasms regularly is a very happy woman.

Even better, your relationship would improve dramatically as well, because the benefits of great sex always flow into every aspect of your life, inside and outside the bedroom.

But sadly, few men really know how to make a woman come (or “cum”) – at least, not easily or quickly.  And certainly not with the release of female ejaculatory fluid, which is the best and most intense kind of orgasm for a woman.

This means many women don’t enjoy sex, don’t have any enthusiasm for it, and rarely seek it out. They might do it to please you, or for the sake of physical closeness, but without an orgasm or two – or more – she’s probably going to masturbate to make herself climax when you’re not around or after you’ve gone to sleep.

(And, believe me, making her come is something a woman thinks you should be doing for her – whether she tells you so or not.) But before I show you an online program which reveals the best ways to make a woman come whenever you and she wish, there are some things you definitely need to know…

Women are reluctant to let their men down, so they often fake orgasm. In fact, over two thirds of women admit they’ve faked orgasms with their sexual partner.  Why? Just because she doesn’t want you to feel bad, that’s why. Is that the kind of sex you really want? (You can always tell when a woman has genuinely reached orgasm – I’ll tell you more about how in a while.)

If you think sexual intercourse is the best way to make a woman come, think again!! Very, very few women reach orgasm during intercourse. You’re going to have to find another way to satisfy her – and that’s what this website is all about.

As many as half of all women admit they are unhappy or dissatisfied with their sexual relationship – because their partners are not making them come during sex.
Now, here’s the crucial thing – no matter how much she loves and likes you, she won’t put up with bad sex for ever. In fact, many woman say they would be prepared to cheat on their partner just to have better sex.

What Do Women Really Want During Sex?

Men don’t always understand how sex works for a woman. So here are a few words addressed to men only.

Simple: women want emotional closeness, intimate connection and orgasms. (And once they discover squirting orgasms, they may want those…..!) After all, what works one time may not work the next; sometimes she’ll want an orgasm and sometimes she won’t… and so on… And that can be very confusing and frustrating for men, I know. But there’s one simple fact to keep in mind – good sex is very important for a woman.

Good sex is the kind of sex which shows a woman you care about her, and of course it also means plenty of orgasms! This, simple though it sounds, really does makes a woman happy and contented.

Doubtful? Well, think about this from your point of view. When you haven’t been getting good sex have you ever thought about sowing your oats elsewhere? Yes, of course you have, and it’s no different for her.
So if you want to keep your relationship buzzing, have lots of great sex, and enjoy being with a contented partner, the best thing to do right now is to find out how to make a woman come easily and quickly – and then use those skills every time you have sex.

As I said, that’s what this program is all about. Showing you exactly what to do to keep your partner happy and sexually fulfilled – which then means you get lots of great sex!

Could Your Partner Ever Be Sexually Unfaithful?

Most men think the answer to this question is “no”. But the truth is that women often get tired of poor sex and they do NOT like the lack of concern for their sexual pleasure which is shown by a man who can’t make them orgasm.

Your partner expects to reach orgasm with you, and she wants to be confident enough to make her come whenever she wants. The great news is that there is a sexual skills program for men which shows you all the exciting skills and techniques you need to give a woman the best sex of her life – and it shows you how to make a woman come with squirting orgasms!

Now, you might be thinking, what’s in this for me? And I understand that. Sex is – or should be – definitely a two way thing. But here’s the point: when you take the time and trouble to satisfy your partner, when you know how to make her come in a way she loves, then she’ll be very happy to give you the best sex you’ve ever had. In fact, she’ll be really eager to please you in bed…… over and over again.

And, as you may already know, there are few things in life more pleasurable than making love to a woman who’s just had an orgasm, and is wet, warm, willing, and very receptive to you being inside her.

This is sex at its best. It’s WIN-WIN for you both: you bring her to orgasm (maybe a squirting orgasm), before you enter her, then you can penetrate her and enjoy lovemaking until you come inside her, her body arching around you, her vagina throbbing and gripping your penis as you reach the peak of orgasmic pleasure.

The recently discovered techniques which make this possible – even easy – are available on this website right here, right now, and they work for everyone, of all ages, no matter how much or how little sexual experience you have! AND THAT’S GUARANTEED!

Discover The Simplest, Quickest and Easiest Way To Give Your Partner A Squirting Orgasm!

Click Below To Find Out How To Do It!

(Warning: this free video all about G spot stimulation is NSFW and loud)

YOU REALLY CAN GIVE A WOMAN SQUIRTING ORGASMS!

For most couples, good sex is the foundation of their relationship. If your sex life isn’t up to much, your relationship probably won’t be working too well either.
Of course, the more you know about sexual skills, positions and techniques, the easier it’ll be for you to give a woman an orgasm.

Two types of orgasm – clitoral and vaginal (or G spot).

Do you know which your partner prefers, and how to give her one or the other? Just think how impressed your partner will be with your sexual knowledge and skills if you can make her come by stimulating her G spot – one of the most fun, sexiest things to do with her.

She might even ejaculate! There’s nothing like a woman gushing or squirting at the moment of orgasm to add excitement to your love life. But you need to know just how to stimulate her – and how to watch her body, which will tell you what to do and when to do it – but only if you can recognize the clues it’s giving you.

She might want to enjoy multiple orgasms too, so you’d better come prepared, knowing how to give her exactly what she wants!  While multiples aren’t exactly essential for great sex, they can be intensely pleasurable… As I said before, intercourse just won’t make most women come, at least not without a few additional tricks to arouse them.

So, when you’ve picked up my tips and tricks, you can look forward to enjoying her orgasms during intercourse – and maybe even having simultaneous orgasms, perhaps the best sexual experience you can have with a woman.

Discover The Simplest, Quickest and Easiest Way To Give Your Partner A Squirting Orgasm!

Click Below To Find Out How To Do It
(Warning: this free video all about G spot stimulation is NSFW and loud)

The Female Orgasm

If you’ve been wondering why you can’t achieve orgasm during intercourse (or get your female partner off by making love to her if you’re a man), it’s probably very helpful to know that most women do not have an orgasm during intercourse.

In fact, it’s actually normal for a woman not to achieve orgasm during sexual intercourse (although it’s quite normal to want to do so!)

And this explains, at least partly, why so many women masturbate – it’s presumably one of the major ways in which they enjoy orgasm. They certainly don’t have many orgasms during sex!

When asked if they masturbated, women responded as follows:

82% of women said they masturbate
15% of women said they do not masturbate
3% of women didn’t reply

Of the women who said they masturbated:

66.0% reached orgasm “always”
29.3% reached orgasm “sometimes”
3.0% reached orgasm “occasionally”
and just a few reached orgasm “rarely”

There are several reasons why women have trouble achieving orgasm during sexual intercourse.

The first of these, at least in many women’s minds, is that most men simply cannot thrust in the vagina for long enough to bring a woman to orgasm. Premature ejaculation has been described as the scourge of sexual pleasure – for both men and women – in our time.

And while that might be an overstatement, it certainly has a lot of truth in it.

We know, for example, that over 75% of men cannot last longer than two minutes from penetration to ejaculation. Of course dealing with men’s premature ejaculation is a whole subject in itself. (See this on control of premature ejaculation.)

Sexual medicine – intimacy and sexual health concerns

And if you’re a woman who wants to achieve orgasm during intercourse, you may believe that one of the reasons you do not do so is that your man cannot last each for long enough in bed to provide enough vaginal stimulation for you to experience an orgasm.

Of course it is important for men to take responsibility for not only their own sexual pleasure but also for their partners’ sexual pleasure (at least if it’s true that their partners’ sexual pleasure depends on their ability to make love for longer than two minutes at a time).

The question is, of course, would longer thrusting really make any difference to a woman’s capacity to reach orgasm?

We can get a clue to the answer by looking at the percentage of women who achieve orgasm when they are with men who are able to thrust for at least 15 minutes before they ejaculate.

The remarkable thing is that even among this group of women, who at first might seem to be very fortunate, the frequency of orgasm during intercourse is actually still very low. In fact, it turns out to be just as low as it is in any other group of women.

In a survey by VulvaVelvet.org, the question “If your partner can last for fifteen minutes or more before he ejaculates during intercourse, do you achieve orgasm through penile thrusting alone?” produced the following answers:

  • 10% of women said that they “always” came during sex with their partner
  • 20% of women said that they “sometimes” came during sex with their partner
  • 70% of women said they “rarely” or “never” came during sex with their partner

So, this brings us to the second reason why women have trouble reaching orgasm during intercourse. 

The simple fact is that most women rely on clitoral stimulation, if not entirely, at least primarily, to reach orgasm. You’ve probably noticed that during sexual intercourse there are very few sex positions that will stimulate the clitoris in a way likely to help a woman achieve orgasm during intercourse.

And even the much vaunted coital alignment technique (see more here) seems so complicated that most couples give up with it long before they achieve success.

Given these difficulties, it hardly seems surprising that many women have a low expectation of orgasmic pleasure during intercourse.

The third factor, with which most of you will already be familiar, is the simple and undeniable difference between men and women’s sexual arousal: men are quicker to arouse, quicker to reach orgasm, and quicker to lose their arousal after sex than women.

The hard reality is that while men can be fully aroused in a minute or two, most women, most of the time, require twenty minutes or even more of gentle foreplay before they feel aroused enough to really desire and want sexual contact.

The problem, however, goes deeper than this, for the vast majority of men lose interest in sex once they have ejaculated.

This means that if the first part of sex is devoted to the man’s pleasure, the inevitable result is that the woman is likely to be unsatisfied, left hanging without an orgasm, frustrated and probably rather resentful, whilst her man slumbers peacefully next to her.

The first part of sex becomes the final part of sex. There is no second part, the part which should be devoted to the woman’s pleasure.

Of course, what we are describing here is the conventional view of the incompatibility of men and women’s sexual desire. The good news, however, is that there is a solution: the man brings the woman to orgasm with oral pleasure before he enters her to make love.

But, most importantly, the primary objective of all sexual relationships is that when a woman wants an orgasm she should be able to achieve one.

And at the same time, the man should be fully satisfied as well.  And although his “performance” or skill as a lover does not depend on giving his partner an orgasm during sex or masturbation, most men like to do this, and feel proud when they have done so (as well as finding it highly arousing).

Unlimited Sexual Pleasure

ENJOY A BETTER SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP

Most of us like sex – it’s an essential part of everyday life, and indeed, necessary for good mental and emotional health.

You could say a sexual relationship is a fundamental aspect of human existence. A simple statement to make, but as we all know, while we crave being in a relationship, because a relationship meets our needs, sexual relationships can be anything but simple!

A sexual relaitonship can be anything but simple!
A sexual relationship can be anything but simple!

You may already have discovered in your life that sometimes being in a relationship can be very traumatic for all kinds of reasons….

So in this particular post I want to emphasize one aspect which is greatly underrated as a feature of relationships, but can be particularly important for both men and women who have inhibitions about sex: the benefit of developing sexual skills to a higher level as a way of increasing intimacy.

In short, learning sexual skills like squirting – also known as female ejaculation – can transform a relationship into something very new and exciting.

Video – How To Squirt

I need hardly say that for most male sexual partners, any kind of female squirting orgasm or ejaculation is going to be highly arousing and exciting. And while a woman shouldn’t be basing her sexual pleasure on what her man wants, it can be great for her orgasmic pleasure too! (Watch the videos above to find out why!)

Some experts believe all women can ejaculate, and when no ejaculate appears to be produced, they suggest it is because women who are inhibited clench up so they have retrograde ejaculation.

Sexual Skills and Relationships

Yet another benefit of studying advanced sexual skills like squirting comes when people take the initiative to develop their sexual technique…. it requires good communication and intimacy. Anything which enhances intimacy is a benefit for both partners.

A lot of people are sexually inhibited. As a shadow work practitioner, I always look for emotional wounds to the inner child when somebody is sexually inhibited – or addicted, for that matter.

Fear of sex and addiction to sex both indicate wounds in the Lover Archetype, aka the inner child. Also, people who display a lack of self sexual boundaries are usually deeply wounded in the inner child.

Yet the paradox is that learning about techniques like squirting and multiple orgasm can really help people get over their sexual issues.

From a practical point of view of course it’s also difficult for a couple to enjoy a true sexual relationship – or at least, a truly happy sexual relationship when one partner is wounded in some way.

Learning To Squirt Is Fun

The truth of the matter is that not enjoying sex to the full is an act of self-neglect, since regular good sex has health benefits. It can help you avoid heart disease, high blood pressure and a number of other problems, most of which are going to shorten your life unless you do something about them.

So you could commit to doing something differently that would help you to establish a better sex life – it might be as simple as committing to try one new sexual technique a month.

You may not think this is very significant (or you may think it isn’t very easy), but it is a gesture which says “I care about myself, and I’m going to do something about my fun and happiness!”

At the same time, if you’re in a sexual relationship with a partner, it says something like “I care about you and I want you to be sexually happy and fulfilled”, and actually you ARE going to make yourself more attractive to them!

Men and women who are prepared to address their emotional wounds, get their sex lives under control, and work out why they have sexual issues can gain not only greater physical fitness but also greater emotional health, greater happiness, and a much better relationship by doing so.

It’s for this reason that I highly recommend a highly recommended program by G spot and squirting orgasm expert (a heck of a job description!) Jason Julius. By all accounts appears to be extremely successful. Check it out here.

Women And Orgasm – The Pleasure Of Ejaculation

One of the more interesting articles on female ejaculation, or squirting orgasms, has been published in the Guardian, under the headline “The debate about squirting is actually about whether or not women can be trusted to accurately report their own sexual experiences.”

And that does reflect a fundamental truth about female ejaculation: scientific investigators seem to start from a position where they are trying to disprove its existence.

It’s almost as though there’s something doubtful about the very existence of squirting orgasms, and women can’t be trusted to relate what they’re experiencing.

Male and Female Ejaculation

There are certainly some reasons why that female ejaculation is harder to accept. For one thing, female ejaculation is less noticeable than male ejaculation. In fact, it’s probably recognizable in many cases only to the woman who is experiencing it, and unlike male ejaculation, the evidence of it having happened may not necessarily be very clear.

But when you dig down a little bit further into the phenomenon of squirting orgasms, it’s also true that a denial of female  sexual pleasure is a theme which has run through a widespread patriarchal attitude towards female sexuality for many centuries.

So can we now separate the reality of squirting orgasms and female ejaculation from what men fantasize about, would like to believe is true, and also seem to try and deny?

Well, surely what women say about their sexual experiences serves as evidence of the existence of female ejaculation?

True, but what makes this slightly harder is the fact many women themselves deny the reality of female ejaculation. However, there are significantly more women who have discovered it and know it to be a genuine phenomenon, part of their sexual experience.

Another problem is that almost every conversation on the subject of female ejaculation finally ends up debating the question of whether or not it’s a real phenomenon.

And there’s a whole genre of pornography centered on squirting orgasms. This is not doing us any favours in our attempts to establish what is true and what is not true.

What we do know, however is that there a scientific study conducted by French gynaecologists seems to demonstrate that female ejaculation comes in two forms.

There’s the emission of some kind of pseudo-prostatic fluid from the female Skene’s glands (which resemble male prostate tissue). And second, there’s the expulsion of fluid from the bladder. This is the much more common form of “squirting” which is seen on Internet pornography and erotica.

Regrettably, many people who deny the reality of female ejaculation were delighted to have “evidence” that women were mistaken in thinking female ejaculation was a genuine form of sexual expression.

What a mistake! How could you not have realized, they say, that squirting orgasms are merely arousal-induced urinary incontinence?

Underlying all of this is the assumption that women can’t understand, or can’t describe, what they’re experiencing during sex.

Yet when a woman has ejaculated during sex, she has experienced a unique sensation of sexual arousal, and a unique symptom of orgasmic release.

Every woman who’s ejaculated will know that the fluid they release during squirting orgasms is different to urine.

Also, female ejaculation, squirting, or gushing, call it what you may, feels different from the act of urination. And, let’s remember, the evidence is that the liquid released when a woman comes is fundamentally different to her pee.

And there’s a deeper aspect to all of this, as well: the fact that the physical experience of female ejaculation is simply an expression of female sexual pleasure in its purest form.

Some people insist that female ejaculation is simply urination (or something vaguely similar). But this is a denigration of women’s experience of their own bodies and women’s ability to understand their own sexuality. It also conveys a sense that female sexuality is somehow “dirty” or “less pure” than the male orgasm.

Sure, this is a feminist position. And no wonder! The fact is, the politics of female ejaculation go far beyond the ability of an individual woman to experience sexual pleasure during ejaculation.

In both Britain and Australia scenes of female ejaculation have been “banned” in erotica, on the grounds that all the women are doing is urinating.

(How extraordinary that such material should be banned even if that were true. But that, of course, is another issue.)

Bearing in mind that most women who have female-ejaculated declaim that urination has no part to play in female ejaculation makes this political background feel something like covert censorship of female sexuality.

The reality of female ejaculation

This experiment throws a little light on female ejaculation in general, and squirting orgasms in particular.

The Nature of Squirting

The study was conducted by a gynecologist in France with a mere seven women.

At the start of the experiment the women were asked to empty their bladders and provide a urine sample – an ultrasound scan confirmed that their bladders were empty.

They then had sex with a partner or masturbated until they were close to their squirting orgasms, at which point they were given another pelvic scan and the fluid they emitted was collected, after which a final pelvic scan was performed.

Interestingly enough, although they’d started to receive sexual stimulation when their bladders were completely empty, by the time they were ready to orgasm and female ejaculate, their bladders were full again – and once they had squirted at the moment of orgasm, their bladders were empty.

Squirting orgasms – where does this mysterious fluid come from?

On the face of it you might conclude that the fluid being ejaculated was urine, or that it was some other fluid produced during sexual arousal which had somehow got into the bladder.

However, one of the theories put forward by women who produce squirting orgasms is that fluid from the paraurethral glands may be forced back into the bladder when women unconsciously clamp their muscles down to prevent what they think is incipient urination.

So sadly, it might seem that this experiment doesn’t go very far towards demonstrating what this mysterious fluid which women ejaculate at the point of orgasm actually is….

Even so, a chemical analysis was performed on all of the samples the women produced. Two were like urine, but five of the seven women’s samples showed PSA (prostate-specific antigen) in the fluid they’d squirted, which had not been detected in their initial urine sample.

Although PSA is more commonly associated with male ejaculation, it is also produced by the Skene’s glands near the vagina.

Beverly Whipple, who was responsible for some of the earliest work on female ejaculation has said that in her view the term female ejaculation really has only relevance to the production of a small amount of milky fluid at orgasm, and not the squirting or gushing which was being investigated in this experiment.

In essence what Whipple is saying is that when women squirt or gush at the moment of orgasm they are expelling either urine alone, or urine mixed with liquids and chemicals from the female prostate tissue.

Sidebar: Obviously, in view of the experiment described above, one of the interesting questions here is whether the kidneys work faster and produce more dilute urine during sexual stimulation than at other times.

The critical thing about female ejaculation is that some women – and it seems to be around half of women – have experienced once or more than once the involuntary emission of fluid from the urethra at the amount of orgasm in quantities ranging from 30 to 150 ml.

This this has become known as squirting, although in fairness this term usually refers to a much large quantity of liquid.

No wonder the scientific community is still divided on this question – there are even some who question the very existence of the G spot, while others are still debating how it can be that some women emit as little as 2 – 4 ml of liquid which looks like watered-down milk while others emit large quantities of clear liquid that resembles urine.

What is female ejaculation? Can all women do it?

Clarity & Ejaculation

The debate centres on whether or not the large quantity of liquid which women may release during squirting orgasms comes from the bladder or from the female prostate tissue.

One theory suggests the milky white fluid produced by the female prostate tissue can be forced backward into the bladder (perhaps because a woman clamps down her muscles because she is scared of releasing any liquid during sexual arousal), and this is why the samples tested in the experiment described above contained PSA.

Yet it seems unlikely, intuitively unlikely, that women who self-report the expulsion of large quantities of liquid – say a glassful – during orgasm could really be producing this in their prostate tissue.

Just what conclusions can we draw from all of this work?

Well, good question. The answer is, it seems as though the smaller volume of fluid from the female prostate containing PSA is produced during mechanical stimulation of the G spot.

Larger quantities of liquid emitted during squirting orgasms do appear to come from the bladder, although how this fluid gets there in the first place is a little bit of a mystery.

Science is not very helpful at discovering exactly what female ejaculation is, but perhaps it doesn’t really matter.

Maybe the truth of the matter is that we need to listen to the 80% of women who have ejaculated fluid at climax and say that this ejaculation enhances and enriches their sex life!

In other words, we don’t need to know about the origin of female ejaculation to know that this is something which shows a woman is enjoying a healthy sex life, she’s in a state of relaxation, and stimulation of her G spot adds a whole dimension to her life.

Keep in mind that between 35 and 50% of women say that they’ve experienced squirting orgasms once or more than once. This is not likely to be involuntary release of urine, surely?

The fact that vast numbers of women report the release of this mysterious fluid, without knowing exactly where it comes from, serves to strongly support the idea that female squirting orgasm is a genuine phenomenon that gives women sexual pleasure, and whether it involves urination or not is an irrelevance.

The discovery of female ejaculation

The Discovery of Female Ejaculation

You can trace the origins of female ejaculation right back to sexual liberation in the 1960s, when women burned their bras.

This was all symbolic of a desire amongst women to explore their sexuality freely and fully – rather than just being  objectified as sex objects for men’s pleasure.

Of course fighting against the patriarch in the history of sexual domination by men required empowerment of many different kinds.

For many women, their first empowerment is or was actually having an orgasm – it’s hard to know in retrospect how many women were non-orgasmic in the 1960s, but the figure that has been widely bandied around is 60%.

This astonishing lack of fulfillement is what led to the sexual revolution.

When you think about it that figure of 60% is absolutely astounding. Why? Well, these days, partly due to more relaxed social mores, partly due to the Internet spreading sex education and making erotica freely available, almost every woman would naturally expect to have an orgasm during sexual activity in one way or another.

But things had to start somewhere – and for women to begin masturbating, and even talking openly about sex, was a new development in the 1960s, 70s, and even the 80s.

It was even necessary for women to discover that having fantasies about sex was permissible and acceptable, and that it could help them reach orgasm.

You can see how far away from things like female ejaculation we were until very recently!

In fact, except in a few limited cultures, for most of human history female ejaculation, or squirting as some now call it, was unknown or at best thought of as an abnormality.

In the past most men would not even have been interested in giving women sexual pleasure in this way, either. You see, the sexual dynamic at play in the 1960s to 1970s was that men “used” women to get orgasms, and women “used” sex to get children, protection, money, a settled life. You name it, women have used sex to get it.

A sexual relationship can be used by both men and women to get what they want!

And that’s hardly an empowered position! So, together with a move in society for women to become more empowered in other ways, the 1980s were perhaps the start of the process of sexual liberation, or, more accurately, sexual education.

Role models like Madonna – the pop star – helped make sexual women acceptable, and images of assertive women normal.

Madonna: Sex (Lyrics)

“Soaking wet, Let me get on top, back and forth till we break the bed.”

Cultural Change Around Sexuality Orgasm & Squirting

Along with the cultural change in the way women were perceived, a whole body of work was necessary to encourage women to be truly sexual and to inhabit their sexual personas fully.

This was work done by pioneers like Betty Dodson, Annie Sprinkle, and the early experts in Tantric sexuality.

So through the 1990s and 2000s, women’s sexual exploration of their own bodies continued, with the aid of adult films on the Internet and the burgeoning amount of erotica available for women who could now see what might perhaps be expected in the way of sexual pleasure.

Of course discoveries about female sexuality and the capacity of a woman’s body to produce intense sexual pleasure have continued right up to this day, and I think we could safely say that the Internet has made squirting both normal and acceptable.

What is certainly true of course is that most women now expect to have an orgasm during sexual activity, if not during intercourse itself.

Photos of a woman reaching orgasm during intercourse.

The variety of sexual activities that men and women can enjoy have increased exponentially as knowledge about sexual pleasure has become more widely available.

But even so, there are still very few men who really know how they can make a woman squirt, and it’s fair to say that limited numbers of men and women are exploring female ejaculation.

Squirting

That’s disappointing, because not only does the exploration of human sexuality lead to better orgasms, it actually has something to teach us about ourselves. For one thing, sexual expression can help us in expressing emotions, thoughts, feelings and desires.

True sexual expression – which means uninhibited sexual expression – can help us come more creative and imaginative.

But in addition, being fully informed about the rights and possibilities of sex allows people – perhaps women in particular – to set clear boundaries, and make informed choices about what they want.

In the process we can all become more tolerant and understanding of others who have different sexual expectations and perhaps choose to follow a sexual path that we ourselves find difficult to understand.

All in all, sex can become a means to express oneself.

Sexual development

In the archetypal model of the human personality formed by Carl Jung, there are four main archetypes: the King, the Warrior, the Magician, and the Lover.

Women naturally fall into lover energy when they move into their teens and experience a blossoming of their sexuality. This is a necessary part of their development as women.

And for those teenagers whose sexuality is suppressed and repressed, denied and hidden, the exploration of sexual desire is not only a way of obtaining pleasure, but also  a way to recovering the full energy contained in their lover archetype.

Without this, there can be no full expression of their female, their innate femininity.

Now I’m not suggesting that learning to squirt – discovering how to female ejaculate – is absolutely necessary for a woman to rediscover her sexuality and explore her feminine archetypes, but I know that it certainly helps a woman become more uninhibited, more sexual, and feel her feminine energy flow more easily.

And that’s good for all of us – to become more fully ourselves, by exploring every aspect of our personality – including our sexuality.

In short, the more we care for and honor our sexuality, and the more we develop our innate sexual energy and sexuality, the happier and more well-adjusted – perhaps even fulfilled – we will all become.

The Ultimate Female Pleasure? Female Ejaculation

BACKGROUND TO FEMALE EJACULATION

The Art Of Gushing Orgasms!

There are thousands of articles on squirting orgasms on the internet. This could make you believe that knowing how to make a woman squirt is a matter of massive importance.

But squirting orgasms are simply the release of fluid from a woman’s vulva at orgasm. In fact, to squirt is quite natural.


How To Enjoy Squirting!

Discover The Simplest, Quickest and Easiest Way To Give Your Partner A Squirting Orgasm!

Click Below To Find Out How To Do It
(Warning: this free video all about G spot stimulation is NSFW and loud)


And since it feels great and it’s sexually exciting for a woman and her partner, what’s not to like? And besides all that, it’s fun to try to make a woman squirt.

So, why not try it? We’ve got all the information you might need to help you enjoy squirting orgasms for the first time, right here! And if you’re a man we can show you how to make a woman squirt, either for the first time or the hundredth time.

By the way, these wet orgasms are sometimes referred to as female ejaculation, or “gushing” orgasms. Here’s a picture of a woman who knows how make herself squirt.

For some people, that’s not enough. The curious, the scientific, and the perfectionists among us, all seem to want to know what causes a gushing or squirting orgasm!

And especially, people want to know, what’s the fluid that’s released when a woman reaches orgasm?

Research Proves Nothing About Squirting Orgasms

Over the last 20 years, the internet’s provided more and more airspace for the phenomenon of squirting orgasms, and it’s now become something like a sexual fad.

Knowing how to make a woman squirt is seen by men as proof of their partner’s orgasm and proof of female pleasure. (Many women do say it goes along with an intensified experience of orgasm.)

What Happens When A Woman Squirts or Ejaculates Fluid at Orgasm?

To start with, a lot of people think there are at least two kinds of ejaculation. First, a small amount of creamy white fluid which comes out of the urethra  during extreme sexual arousal and orgasm.

And second, a thinner, clearer liquid which probably emerges from the urethra in larger quantities during squirting orgasms.

So what’s the truth? Around a woman’s urethra there’s some tissue which resembles the prostate gland tissue of men. This is variously known as the paraurethral sponge, the female prostate, or the Skene’s glands.

Many people believe that the fluid discharged in large quantities during female ejaculation – i.e. squirting orgasms –  comes from this “prostatic” tissue.

And there is some research which indicates that female ejaculate has some of the same components as male ejaculatory fluid or semen.

But recently there has been a study which seems to prove this is not so. This research suggests the larger quantities of liquid emerging from the urethra when a woman squirts come from the bladder. This liquid is of a different chemical composition to “normal” urine.

The Truth About A Woman Squirting?

Gushing or squirting orgasms have gained a reputation for being very powerful. They seem to be some kind of enhanced orgasm.  Certainly the experience of being with a woman who squirts is very arousing. This may explain why men so much want to know how to make women squirt. Perhaps it’s a male pride thing, as in, “See what I made her do!”

But what do women who experience squirting orgasms, and the men who want to make them squirt, really feel?

Fun and pleasure is one obvious answer….. and intense female orgasm is another. It can be a peak sexual experience to see your female partner squirming in the grip of a powerful, very wet orgasm.

Want To Produce A Woman’s Squirting Orgasm?

Here’s How…

Most of the instructions about how to produce squirting orgasms suggest you start by putting fingertip pressure onto the area of the G spot. This is about an inch or two inside the vagina, on the upper wall, as a woman lies on her back. If she is sufficiently aroused, when she “bears down” at the point of orgasm, she’ll ejaculate fluid.

These instructions alter the angle at which the urethra enters the bladder. This apparently makes it much more difficult for a woman to retain urine.

So, yes, there could be an element of urination in gushing. But the fluid released during a squirting orgasm never smells like urine, nor does it look like it. You might therefore think that learning how to make a woman squirt is merely harmless fun.

Even so, if female ejaculation does turn out to be urination by any other name, there’s no harm in that.

Whatever it is, it can be very exciting for a woman to release this fluid. You only have to read what women say about squirting orgasms to see that they feel good. And  if both partners agree to try and make squirting happen, this can be a wonderful way of expressing your sexuality. It can be very arousing for woman and man alike to make a woman come in this way.

So with that said, it’s important to realize something. When a woman ejaculates clear fluid in volume, what comes out does seem to be dilute pee or urine.

The study which most people have taken as proof of this was conducted on seven women, who were all experienced squirters.

The researchers used ultrasound techniques to see if their bladders were full before and after orgasm.

Long story short, the women’s bladders appeared to partly fill with fluid before orgasm. After the woman had squirted, their bladders were empty.

But that isn’t the whole story.

It transpires that the fluid is different to “normal” urine. It contains some chemicals which are reminiscent of prostatic fluid, and it’s more dilute than most urine.

As it passes down the urethra, fluid from the Skene’s glands or prostatic tissue can mix in with the urine. So you might expect some difference in chemical composition to “normal” pee.

But even if that is correct, it doesn’t satisfy some women. They are adamant that the fluid they ejaculate in large quantities when they are made to squirt is NOT urine.

On balance, I think the evidence shows that the fluid which emerges during squirting or gushing is indeed urine. Chemical analysis and bladder ultrasound does seem to confirm that. But who knows? Tomorrow is another day!

Enjoy Squirting? Don’t Stop Squirting!

There’s a sense on the Internet that the scientists who investigate the nature of female ejaculate are spoiling people’s fun.

I mean, being told that you’re peeing during sex could be off-putting for some people. I get that. But the release of urine during orgasm can be very exciting, both psychologically and physically.

The urethra is full of sensitive nerve endings, for one thing. For another, the emotional sense of release and letting go when “ejaculating” can be  deeply profound and satisfying. This is a sense of surrendering to the body’s urge to release and let go, all of which adds to the excitement of sex.

Even if it’s just a physical thing caused by the angle of the bladder changing so that it’s harder to hold urine in, and thus contractions of the muscles at orgasm tend to promote the release of urine as a strong jet – well, so what?

Surely it’s much more important that people simply enjoy themselves during sex?

Video – Female Ejaculation

And by the way, don’t mention it, but there are quite a lot of women who need to pee before sex to ensure that they don’t release urine at the moment of orgasm. That’s called coital incontinence.

I guess if you think hygiene is top of the list of things you need to maintain during sex, then it’s not gonna be too exciting for you to squirt!

On the other hand, if the release of large quantities of fluid turns you on, and you are enjoying squirting orgasms – why not? Enjoy. Life’s too short to worry about it.

Another point of view

Way back when, Gary Schubach wrote an article on female ejaculation.

His research wasn’t very scientific, but all credit – he was trying to find out the constituents in female ejaculation. Or, as he put it, “the experiment focused on the nature, composition and source of female urethral expulsions during sexual arousal.”

He discovered that most of the fluid expelled by the women in this study came from their bladders. This, even though their bladders had been drained before sex! These women still expelled between 50 and 900 ml of fluid at the point of orgasm.

And – here’s the thing – there wasn’t much urea or creatinine in the expelled fluid. Those two things are what make up much of the chemicals in ordinary pee.

So the inference, as other research has shown, is that what’s expelled in a squirting orgasm isn’t normal urine. Somehow there’s a chemical process or change – or something – during sexual stimulation which changes the nature of the fluid expelled during squirting.

Schubach confirmed that the milky white mucus-like fluid comes down the urethra from the paraurethral glands and ducts during sexual excitement. So could it be that this fluid is mixing with fluid coming from the bladder?

It continues to be a controversy, which is a shame, as it distracts from the fact that knowing how to make a woman squirt might be a great way of enhancing sexual pleasure.

A final word (for the moment)

Despite these scientific studies, there are still plenty of women who claim that female ejaculatory fluid in large quantities comes out of the vagina, and it’s not like pee and it’s not like prostatic fluid.

The Tantric experts have a word for it – they call it Amrita or nectar of the gods – and it’s not urine. Female Ejaculation, they say, is a sacred process, and probably very different from squirting.

Female ejaculatory fluid is surrounded by this esoteric and slightly secret sense of a special gift to women who channel the energy of the gods. This link to the Divine Feminine makes female ejaculation even more mysterious.

She writes “Amrita is one of the greatest wonders of the world. People have tried to measure it, examine it, explain it, figure it out. There is no way to measure, or explain, the divine.”

Does this attitude to squirting orgasms help or hinder the debate? Does it help men or women who wish to know how to make a woman squirt?

Perhaps you have to make your own mind up!

So: female ejaculation of Amrita may be something else. There’s a summary of some aspects of the argument here.

By the way, it has to be said that most people who have tasted or smelled Amrita say it really does smell wonderful and taste good. And the quantity produced varies considerably – some women can soak the bed, other produce a dribble.

But really, in the end, does it matter what the fluid is?

Video – More On Squirting

How to enjoy yourself pleasuring more

The first technique that you can use to help yourself enjoy your self-pleasuring exercises more is relaxation. Relaxation allows you to get more in touch with your body, and to break down any muscular tension which you may be using as a defensive shield against the thoughts and feelings that make you uncomfortable.

As you learn to relax, you will discover more and more areas of your body in which you’re holding muscular tension – this will include the areas around your genitals, areas which you may cut off from your awareness because of their historical associations with unpleasant or unacceptable sexual feelings or experiences.

Learning to relax, and to apply the relaxation exercises twice a day for as little as fifteen minutes each time, will enable you to develop very much greater connection with your body, and so help your sensuous development progress at a faster rate.

The next way in which you can help yourself become more comfortable with your body and self-pleasuring exercises is to simply imitate some of the movements that are associated with sexual arousal!

When you overcome your inhibitions about moving your body in this way you may well be surprised at how much these movements and your sense of arousal, eroticism, and sensuousness increases. Simply do this as part of yourself pleasuring exercises, when you have private time and no-one will observe you. It’s important that you are comfortable with these exercises before you begin to share them with your partner.

One: Rock your pelvis backwards and forwards, and up and down. This, of course, is one of the basic movements of intercourse – the thrusting movement of the pelvis. Really practicing this movement can loosen up your sexual responses and get the energy flowing around your genital and pelvic area.

Two: Arch your back and thrust your hips and pelvis upwards as though you were meeting your lover as he thrusts downwards and into you.

Three: Bring your knees up to your chest, spread your legs and rock gently, imagining, if you wish, that your lover is making love to you and you are holding him firmly in an embrace between your legs.

Four: Bend forward from a standing position so that the upper part of your body is horizontal. Move your hips in a sensuous swaying movement as though you are enticing your lover to enter you from behind. Now move your hips backwards and forwards as though you are engaging in intercourse with your lover standing behind you.

Remember that you only need to do as much or as little of this exercise as is comfortable to you, but you may find that practicing these movements makes you feel more sensuous and sexy, and raises your curiosity about how it would feel to move your body in this way during sex.

A great way of becoming more comfortable with your body is to try Belly Dancing, which is the ultimate in female sensual dance. It’s actually a very sensual – if not sexual – expression of feminine grace and femininity. You can read all about the art of Belly Dancing here Belly dancing with Shira.

We have also mentioned Sensate Focus as a way to get greater comfort and pleasure with your body.

Sexual Fantasy

We mentioned above that sexual fantasy can be a crucial part of learning to feel more sensuous and sexy. Two excellent books which will help you to understand the importance of fantasy in women’s sexual lives – and thereby in your own sexual life – are My Secret Garden or Forbidden Flowers, both by Nancy Friday.

These are collections of women’s fantasies. As you read them you will discover more about what turns you on, about what you like and you do not like, and about the themes and ideas that make you feel sexual.

Bear in mind that there is no right or wrong as far as fantasy is concerned: fantasy is just that – fantasy. It’s kept inside your head, it is private, and although you may eventually choose to act it out with sexual partner, for the most part, fantasy is your private world, where you can do what you wish, with whom you want, whenever you like, and in whatever way you desire.

Pornography and erotica are not inherently bad. Whether or not they are morally correct is a decision that each individual must make. Where you draw the line about what is acceptable to you, and what is perverse to you, is based on your judgments and beliefs, and they will inevitably change over time. The same is true of course of your fantasies.

In this context we would just like to point out a study conducted by research scientists. This study demonstrated that some of the happiest sexual relationships are those in which the two participants fantasized about having sex with other people whilst making love to their own partner!

One problem with fantasy is that you may come across something you find highly arousing which is actually based on an idea you find unacceptable. This might, for example, include your becoming aroused by the idea of forced sex or humiliation during sex.

It’s possible that such connections represent a link you have made between negative past experiences and sex; hopefully you will find that as you become more comfortable with your sexuality these fantasies and thoughts fade and are replaced by other new sexual fantasies. If they do not fade, and continue to trouble you unduly, then you might wish to talk them through with a sexual therapist. Often such fantasies will disappear with a little discussion or when they are exposed to your conscious awareness.

Ways to increase your enjoyment of fantasy

Remember that your fantasy does not have to be a complete sexual story! It can be a quick word, thought, feeling, or image in your mind. Even the flash of some brief thought about sexy clothing can signal a fantasy. Furthermore, your fantasy does not have to be explicitly sexual. It can be romantic, sensuous, loving….whatever you wish.

You can also blend your reality – for example, when touching yourself – with your fantasy – for example, imagining that it is your partner’s hands which are touching you as you play with your own genitals.

The next step

Have five or six sessions over the next fortnight in which you use enjoy your fantasies, some erotic material, sensate focus, and relaxation exercises. Try one or two of these techniques during each self-pleasuring session so you begin to understand which are most useful for you.

Reservations and Inhibitions

Reservations and Inhibitions Around Self Pleasure

Sexually experienced people know that sex is not just about the body and its responses. For that reason, if at the back of your mind or deep in your psyche there is some feeling that masturbation (or sex generally) is wrong or even sinful, it will be much more difficult to relax and feel pleasure, or to feel good afterwards.

Yet our bodies are naturally sexual. The reason that people have hang-ups about sex is that it is often a taboo subject in the family as they grow up. Most of us were given negative or mixed messages about sex and the sexual part of our bodies as we grew up. Take a moment to think about what messages you were given by your parents and teachers about sex and your body.

Have you accepted all their beliefs wholesale? Or have you adapted some of them to suit your own beliefs and values, or even rebelled and rejected those old-fashioned ideas completely? Your parents did what they thought was right, but your body is your own and your life is your own. It is important to nurture in yourself the beliefs that help you grow as a person.

Your body is unique, and you have the right to self-pleasuring, which is a wonderful celebration of your body. If you realize you have inhibitions about sexual pleasure (perhaps feeling it is sinful to enjoy yourself in any way or that you should think of others not yourself) you find shadow work with a qualified facilitator helpful in overcoming these blocks. 

The Power of the Mind: Finding Your Favorite Fantasies

When you start to experience pleasure and arousal in your sessions, you may find some of the ideas that most excite you are not what you might expect or what you might choose consciously.

This is your unconscious mind at work, and it can play a huge part in sexual arousal and orgasm. Many women feel shocked or guilty about their fantasies: but the book My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday is a wonderful collection of fantasies collected from real women. It is worth a read if only to understand the huge variety of women’s fantasies – and you might even find a new one that turns you on!

We would like to emphasize at this point that feeling turned on by erotic material is a normal part of being human. There’s nothing wrong with this, provided that the material which you find arousing is tasteful and respectful of women. 

Oddly enough, some women who are opening themselves up to their erotic and sensuous nature find it hard to recognize their own arousal.

Experiments conducted in the 1970s demonstrated that women will become aroused almost as quickly as men when they watch a film of two people making love, at least if you measure arousal by vaginal lubrication.

However, when questioned, many of these women reported that they did not feel in the least aroused mentally. This probably reflects the fact that it has traditionally not been seen as acceptable for women to enjoy erotic materials.

It may also reflect the fact that a lot of women simply do not recognize the signs of arousal in their own bodiesAgain, we would like to emphasize that this is completely normal and natural when you are beginning to become more aware of your sexuality.

You may even find it necessary to move your attention from the erotic material you are reading or watching to your own body before you can identify whether or not you feel aroused.

Things to look for include vaginal lubrication, nipple erection, throbbing in your genital region, and mentally feeling sexual aroused – whatever form that takes for you. For example, if you have found yourself fantasizing or having unexpected sexual thoughts, could this be a sign of your sexual arousal?

Benefits of sexual pleasuring

It’s important to remember that even if you have reservations about masturbation, it’s only by continuing to explore your body that you will become comfortable with your sensuousness nature and your sexuality. This is why we encourage you to focus on the potential benefits of self-pleasuring. These potential benefits include greater relaxation, greater pleasure, and greater connection with your own body.

So at this point we would like you to consider what it gives you the greatest pleasure in bed. For example, did you notice that different kinds of movements, or different pressures, or different rhythms, gave you the most pleasure? Learning all about your body and what gives you the greatest pleasure is an essential part of becoming a fully sexual woman.

And of course this does not apply only to your genitals. When you are stroking, caressing, or touching other parts of your body, you will also find that different strokes give you different feelings, pleasure, and a different experience.

One of the biggest concerns that women experience when they are learning to self-stimulate is whether or not they are feeling sexual arousal.

However this is actually very unhelpful to the process of becoming more sexually aware, because you begin to “watch” your own feelings and responses, and you become a spectator rather than being fully engaged in the process.

If you find that this is happening to you, simply bring your attention back to what is happening inside your body.

Try and bring your attention to the places where you are touching yourself; and every time you find your attention wandering, simply bring it back to focus on the feeling you get where you are touching yourself.

You probably realize that not every session of self-pleasuring will be the same. On occasions you will be frustrated and think that your progress is too slow. On other occasions you will be delighted at the progress you believe you are making.

This is exactly the way the personal growth happens, and it is important not to criticize yourself if you feel that you are not making the progress that you would wish to do so. It’s also extremely helpful not to compare sessions. Each session is what it is. However, we encourage you to focus on the positive pleasure you get after each session, and to remind yourself about the things that you did well.

So, for example, even feeling just a little bit more comfortable about self-touching, especially about touching your genitals, is something positive and rewarding. The important thing is to focus on the positive, and to congratulate yourself on your success, rather than beating yourself up about the things that didn’t go as you would have wished.

Having said that, you can also learn from the sessions that didn’t go very well. For example, were you distracted by things that you have to do for your friends and family? If so, try and choose a time when you know that there will be no pressure or demands on you, and when you are able to allocate time solely for your own relaxation and self-pleasuring exercises.

 

Discovering the pleasure of self touch

Greater pleasure from self-pleasuring – advice for women

You might have discovered places on your body that feel good, and ways to touch them that are very pleasurable.

On the other hand, you might feel that nothing you’ve done has resulted in the pleasure you want. But change happens in many subtle ways, and some processes begin imperceptibly.

(Think about how you begin to lose weight through changes in the body before it shows on the scales, or how a seed begins to grow before the leaves push up through the earth.) Your process of change is unique and it doesn’t matter if it takes time. Sometimes the changes that come about more slowly are the ones that last.

Quite likely you’ll have experienced something between the two: times when you begin to enjoy new or more intense sensations and times when nothing seems right. That’s normal, and it’s part of being a woman.

Try to develop an ability to enjoy the good times and not worry about the difficult ones. Even if you’re not feeling any particular pleasure but you are feeling more comfortable with the idea of touching yourself, that is progress. Above all, you’re learning more about yourself.

Blockages to Arousal

Every difficult or challenging experience is actually just an opportunity to learn something. If you find it hard to get in the mood sometimes, have a think about why that is.

Have you had a stressful day? Did something happen which affected you emotionally? Is there something which is stopping you feeling good about yourself? Are you short of time? Are you angry about something? Do you have PMS?

Understanding the things that affect you is really helpful, because sex – with yourself as well as with someone else – rarely works well if you’re stressed. So at these times do something else which helps you relax and feel better.

And ironically sometimes taking the pressure off means you might be more in the mood later! You can also learn to tune into your own arousal signals. For some women, touching their nipples to see how sensitive they are gives them a good indication of whether they are likely to get aroused or not.

If you do feel in the mood and begin to caress yourself, sometimes you will reach a point where the sensations seem to slow down or stop. This is also a great learning opportunity. What interrupted the process for you? Were you worried about being disturbed? Did your mind wander onto more everyday matters?

Did your clitoris become too sensitive and need a rest? Did the same movement become boring and cease to stimulate you? It is really normal for even the most sexually aroused woman to reach stages like a ‘plateau’ and need to rest for a few moments. If you have a partner this is something you can teach them too! It can be much more sexy if they vary the way they touch you, and take a little break every so often.

Self-pleasuring for women

If you are really becoming very aroused then it can be a little bit frustrating to reach a ‘plateau’, where suddenly the sensation begins to die away. Don’t worry! It will always come back (unless you are really too tired or over-stressed) and in fact taking a short break may bring the sensation back even stronger than before. Sometimes at this point women use their fantasies to re-generate arousal.

What if nothing much is happening?

If your practice so far has been pretty neutral, with no pleasurable feelings but perhaps some new sensations, do continue.

Be gentle with yourself and expect it to take time. Sexual and sensual pleasure needs both the body and mind to be relaxed and in harmony, and this may be a very new experience for some people. This is an aspect of the Feeling Body archetype. You may not be familiar with the concept of archetypes but they are a useful way of partitioning the activities of the body and mind into different functions. It’s a model which allows us to explore not only how we think and feel, but also how we behave and why our body may not be giving us the pleasure and satisfaction that we desire.

Much of our sexual and romantic energy is stored in the Lover archetype – also known as the Feeling Body. This name is a new concept which build on the idea of archetypes presented in the book King Warrior Magician Lover. You can see the evolution of the concept of the Lover into the concept of the Feeling Body here.

This is an aspect of shadow work (see this for more on shadow work) – shadow being made up of the parts of ourselves that we hide and deny during childhood. As you may well imagine, much of our difficulty around sex comes from childhood issues (read about that here). However, it is possible to rebalance the Lover or Feeling Body archetype and enjoy sexual pleasure at any time of life.

For some women sex has been something which someone else does to them, or which they do because someone else wants it. Putting yourself in the control seat and allowing your body to feel really good, when you really want to, is bound to be a gradual process.

Take your time, and also choose your time. Vary your practice at different times of day, and different days of the week. Everyone has a different body clock and you might be surprised at how you respond in the morning compared to at night (or vice versa). Remember to stroke and massage your whole body, not just your genitals.

Experience the different sensations and don’t feel the need to label them. Be kind to yourself: this is not about success or failure. It’s more like a journey where you’ll pass through many different places. Provided what you’re doing is not painful or intensely upsetting, continue your practice and see what develops. It may help you to think of this process as sensual awakening, rather than sexual growth.

Focusing on the Positive

After your next session of self-touching, ask yourself a few questions. What did you enjoy most? What did you find least enjoyable? What surprised you or was unexpected? Did you prefer stroking your body on or around your genital area, or away from the genitals? What made you feel most relaxed? Did anything make you feel aroused? The answers to these questions will give you clues for your next session.

For example, if you find you prefer touching your breasts and stomach rather than your vulva and clitoris, then stay there and enjoy it for as long as you want. Women are lucky in having many erogenous zones in non-obvious places. Self-pleasuring is exactly that: finding out what pleases you, as an individual. Whether it’s the back of the neck, the belly, the hips or the inner thighs doesn’t matter.

Enjoy whatever sensual pleasure is happening, relax and let the good feelings flow. This is enjoyable in itself and also an important step towards experiencing orgasm. 

Women and Orgasm (For Men!)

In the majority of surveys, starting with the work by Shere Hite in 1976, one finding occurs consistently: few women reach orgasm during intercourse. The majority of women require stimulation of the clitoris before they reach orgasm. 

So what can you do if you’re trying to pleasure a woman by bringing her to orgasm?

The difficulty or ease with which a woman reaches orgasm is clearly affected by a range of factors: genetic,  social, emotional, and so on. For example, how much a woman trusts her man will affect how easily he can make her come during sexual interaction.

statistics relating to female orgasmOne issue is simply that there are so many factors that impact on a woman’s ability to achieve orgasm. The same is true, of course, on a man’s ability to give a woman sexual pleasure in bed by making her come or bringing her to orgasm. These include some less obvious factors – for example, sociological issues such as the meaning and acceptability of orgasm in her culture and her social environment.

orgasm during intercourse may be important to many womenAlso, some women feel more comfortable reaching orgasm during vaginal intercourse than through masturbation. They may have an association in their minds between clitoral stimulation or masturbation and socially unacceptable or otherwise negative behavior.

Equally, any sexual activity which might threaten the intimacy of a sexual relationship could be potentially threatening for some women. It may be less culturally threatening, too, for some women,  if the man takes responsibility for his woman’s orgasm. And this means some men may be culturally pressured to know how to make a woman come. So we can see that both personality factors and the influence of culture and religion can be very important in the achievement of female sexual pleasure through orgasm. 

Valuing a man who knows how to make a woman come!

In a survey of heterosexual women, John Bancroft asked how important various factors were in reaching orgasm and enjoying sexual happiness. In order of importance, the percentage of women answering “very” or “extremely” important to the following questions were:

1) to feel emotionally close to your partner – 83.5%

2) to feel your partner is sexually satisfied – 78.9%

3) to feel talking comfortable but your partner about – 61.5%

4) to have an orgasm – 29.6%

shows how a man can make a woman come during intercourseThis clearly indicates that intercourse and orgasm have a different significance to women than they do to men. 

Frequency of orgasm

Kinsey showed that, when asked about intercourse in general, 22% of women said they never experience orgasm. By contrast, this number dropped to 14% for “assisted” intercourse (i.e., when clitoral stimulation was specifically included). Among men who are sexually active, 72% claim that they always had an orgasm to climax and ejaculated during intercourse with a partner, 22% said they usually did, 4% said they sometimes did, and 2% said they rarely or never did.

picture of the female g spotHowever, the implication that most women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm (which is really a simple factual observation) has caused controversy. Some sexologists believe that a man can only bring a woman to orgasmic pleasure through intercourse alone if her G spot has been awakened. This happens through a combination of sexual experience, sexual confidence, and emotional connection to her partner.

Certainly there is an abundance of circumstantial evidence around sexual orgasm in women. There seems to be a fundamental difference in origin and experience between sexual climax that’s achieved by clitoral stimulation compared to one achieved by stimulation of the vagina alone.

Whatever the truth, exploring such issues can be a good motivation for men and women to enjoy sexual interactions and mutual pleasure…. and certainly female orgasm is a good motivation for a man to learn how to really pleasure his partner in the way she would like. Men love to give women pleasure – it is a very affirming experience for them.

Ways to make a woman come

According to Cosmopolitan magazine,  around 10% of women have never had an orgasm with a partner.

sex techniquesAnd that is truly shocking! Considering that the basis of 99% of heterosexual relationships is love and sex, what can be done about it? Well, obviously, one of the things that can be done about it is for men to learn some great sexual techniques to increase a woman’s sexual pleasure. 

So here, courtesy of Cosmo, are some useful tips for women to achieve orgasm during intercourse.  (The text is addressed mainly to women!)

First of all, if you want to come easily, get on top during sexual intercourse. That way, if you lean forward, you can compress your clitoris between your pelvic bone and your  man’s, providing clitoral stimulation – hopefully sufficiently intense to make you come. But the exact angle you’re going to use to achieve climax quickly will depend on how your bodies come together — for example, how big your bellies are.

sex techniquesIf the man is lying on the bed, it might be necessary for him to arch his back a little bit so that his pelvis is raised. This gives you the opportunity to “grind” your clitoris against his pelvis. Hopefully that will make you come.

Now, one of the most important things to remember is that sex isn’t just about finding the right sexual position or technique. The truth of the matter is that women can become far more aroused than men during sex, and although it takes a different set of skills to arouse a woman to the point where she’s going to come than it does to arouse a man to that point. The interesting thing is that a man’s arousal depends to a large extent on how aroused his partner is. 

Some women feel they have to fake orgasm to please their man. Instead, show your partner exactly what you need him to do to make you orgasm. You can say something like “I want to try something new and see if it makes reaching orgasm easier for me.” He’ll understand that! Or you could invite him to masturbate you, showing him exactly where to put his hand or tongue, to make your orgasm easy.

If you’re a woman who doesn’t come during intercourse — and very few women do — then explain to your partner that you like clitoral stimulation. Tell him you want more of this, especially during sex with him, so that you get even more pleasure in bed. 

One of the ways that you can introduce the subject tactfully without hurting his feelings is by suggesting you enjoy some mutual masturbation to get you both aroused. 

A general tip:  you’ve no doubt heard of Kegel exercises? Believe me, Kegel exercises are one of the things that will make reaching orgasm a heck of a lot easier! You do need resistance, though, it’s no use just contracting the muscle as if you were stopping yourself urinating. That means buying something like the Kegel Master, a device specially designed for women to increase the strength of their PC muscles and hopefully make achieving orgasm easier for them. 

However – there are other approaches that depend on slight changes in sexual position to give you much greater pleasure.In the classic missionary position, you can tilt your hips so that you’re directing his penis to the right spot inside your vagina. That “right spot” is the one most likely to make you come!

Alternatively, if he’s keen on giving you sexual pleasure in bed, you can grab hold of his hips and move him in exactly the way you need  so that his erection stimulates your clitoris or vulva.

Pleasure in bed comes in many ways  

So, during sex, it’s always possible for you, or him, to “lend a helping hand. ” In other words, for you or him to stimulate your clitoris, thereby helping yourself reach orgasm easily. Similarly, if you’re actually lying face down in the rather nice and comfy position that is called “reverse missionary”, then one option is view to grind your clitoris against a pillow or the bed itself.

Female ejaculation during orgasm

Some women are worried by a tendency to release fluid during orgasm, often assuming that the fluid is urine. However, analysis of the fluid suggests that it contains chemical compounds which are reminiscent of prostate secretions in men.

Women who ejaculate during intercourse develop a swelling in the anterior vaginal wall close to the area of the G spot which disappears when ejaculations taken place.

This swelling seems to be caused by the fluid collecting in the urethra at that point, before it is expelled from the body during sexual arousal.

Here’s ex educator Laci Green on “Squirting”

Although there is considerable variability between different women in the degree to which they have paraurethral ducts around the urethra, it may well be that the fluid secreted by these ducts and the associated glands is the one that can be expelled during “female ejaculation”.

This is a process that appears to be similar to the ejection of semen from the body after the emission phase of sexual response (when semen is released into the urethra before expulsion) in men.

The function of a woman’s orgasm

Although one obvious function of male orgasm might be to encourage mating, with the consequent ejaculation of semen, it’s not quite so clear what the function of orgasm in women might be.

Suggestions include the simple emotional reward of pleasure “for” allowing sexual intercourse to take place, the resolution of vaginal tenting (ballooning of the vagina during orgasm) which allows the cervix to dip down into the pool of semen left in the vagina after ejaculation.

And also, it seems, stimulation of the man’s penis so that he ejaculates because of the stimulation of the vaginal contractions on his glans and penile shaft. Other ideas include the reinforcement of pair bonding, and the upsuck of semen into the uterus.

The problem with these explanations is that very few women experience orgasm as a result of sexual intercourse alone. This makes it difficult to explain how female orgasm came to evolve if it was a reward for allowing intercourse to occur!

But in the end does it matter? We know what orgasm feels like, and we know it bonds a couple closely. Maybe all we need to know is that it is wonderful to know how to make a woman come and to give and receive sexual pleasure in bed!