The Art Of Sexual Pleasure

Many woman have one special sexual approach which makes them aroused, and can sometimes make them reach orgasm without direct stimulation of the genitals. Here are examples:

“Anal intercourse. It’s so exciting!” Please be careful if you do this, and watch out for the transfer of yeast cells from the vagina to the anus. This can cause yeast infections of the vagina, or Bacterial Vaginosis. Bad news both!

“Running his fingers all over the lips of my vagina and inside and out and on and on forever, and I get sexually aroused so very slowly and yet realizing that I can go on rising until eternity, and anticipating, and finally he plunges in a finger, two fingers hard and go on from there, and/or a special thrill, a sudden twist of the hand so that the wrist bone grates against the soft sensitive insides of the tops of my thighs, and I come in a massive climax, with my natural sexual lubrication spurting out of me!”

“I love him to run his hands over and under my ass while we’re making love at the same time that we’re kissing.”

“Standing when you are held so close and tight you can feel your man’s penis and balls fitting so comfortably between your legs.”

“I love to have my tits played with. I get really turned on when a man sucks on them. I get turned on by this more than by anything else. When a man plays with my clitoris with his fingers, it feels really good, but I don’t come.”

“My lover caresses and touches every inch of my body, but when he brushes my vagina with his penis, it is the most glorious moment of all his caresses. He knows how much I enjoy this moment and prolongs entry as long as I can stand it.”

“The touch of his penis at my vagina entrance makes me leap forward towards orgasm with a big jump.”

“Having my breasts and nipples caressed arouses me very much and can soon bring me off. I especially, like to have a man take one of my nipples into his mouth. I could and have spent much time having a man do that to me. Second to that is cunnilingus which arouses me about as much.”

“Having the area of my clitoris and vagina caressed makes me respond more than anything else. One way of doing that, which is difficult for a man to do, but which I get most pleasure from, is having that area caressed with the top of his penis. If he cannot do that, doing it with his tongue is just about as good.”

“Sixty-nine – mutual oral sex – arouses us both on more than anything else. Standing in the shower with the water and soap falling off us is great and also good clean fun.”

Although most women respond much more keenly than men to gentle stroking and almost require this type of preliminary play to become fully aroused, men also welcome this type of caress.

Remember the general principle that stroking with the whole hand generally proves exciting to both parties, while fingertip stroking usually excites the passive partner more than the active one.

Video – ways for a woman to orgasm

An example of what makes a woman come!

Krystyna is thirty-four, a Swede married to an Englishman, and lives in Sussex, England. She emails to say:

“We have a heated swimming pool, where we can swim naked all the year round. We often make love while we are swimming. It’s quite surprising the number of different things you can do.

Two positions that we use, each of which I find especially exciting and which give me fantastic orgasms. In one I lie on my tummy holding on to the steps, which are at the shallow end. When he kneels down in the water Max’s penis is exactly level with my vagina.

So he kneels between my legs and pushes into me, and then puts his hand round and parts my labia. He doesn’t touch my clitoris at all. Then we rock backwards and forwards, and the movement of the water over my clitoris is indescribable. It takes a long time for me to come off like this, because the build-up is slow.

As you know, a man who has control of his ejaculation and knows the art of lasting in bed is a man who most women would prefer as a lover. At least compared to a man who has no control and ejaculates prematurely before the woman is satisfied during sex.

Building up to orgasm may take more than a quarter of an hour, but all the time there are these superb sensations which slowly get more and more intense, until there is a huge burst, which makes me tremble like a leaf from fingertips to toes.

Max always holds out until I begin to tremble, then he brings himself to orgasm and the jerking of his penis inside me makes me tremble even more. The more I tremble, the more intense my sensations are. I have blacked out coming off like this, which I have never done when we make love in bed or anywhere else. Another way we do it is to go into deeper water, so that Max’s feet are firmly touching the bottom and his shoulders are above the water.

Then I climb on to his penis and put my legs round his waist, and cross my feet. When Max bends his knees and straightens them, his penis goes in and out of my vagina and as it does so, it makes the water flow under a kind of pressure between my labia and over my clitoris, and this is fantastic, too.

But most fantastic of all is when we do it at the water inlet. This is in the shallow end, and the water flows in very, very strongly. I face the inlet and hang, on to the sides, then with my knees apart I squat down until my vulva is exactly opposite the end about six or seven inches away. Max kneels behind me and comes into me.

The underwater jet forces my labia open and plays directly on my clitoris. This can lead to surprising events like female ejaculation. I never thought I was able to ejaculate but this has shown me that sexually I can do whatever I want! And the jet also hits the base of Max’s penis which doesn’t come in me, and joggles his balls about, which he finds very exciting. I always have seven or eight orgasms, and Max never fewer than two. His second one always takes longer than the first, which is why I have so many more orgasms than Max.

But once when Max was particularly randy he had three in about three minutes, and then had two more slower ones. I lost count of mine that time. We had to go and lie on the bed afterwards, we were completely exhausted. But it was a fantastic experience.

How To Pleasure A Woman

Women’s sexual pleasure

One of the things that a lot of men seem to have great difficulty with is knowing how to please a woman successfully. This means knowing how to give her an orgasm during sex so she is sexually satisfied.

You need to be reasonably good at lovemaking, reasonably knowledgeable about sexual pleasure,  and prepared to take the time to find out what your partner wants. Then, it isn’t at all difficult to give a woman great sexual pleasure.

One of things to understand is the fundamental difference between men and women when it comes to sexual arousal. Women are far slower to arouse sexually than men, as a generality. They also need far more stimulation and foreplay to reach the level of arousal at which penetration becomes desirable to them.

So men must curb their impulses to penetrate and reach orgasm as quickly as possible. In fact, rapid sex is often a way in which men deprive themselves of sexual pleasure anyway. If you extend foreplay and withhold your own orgasm as a man, your orgasms will be much more powerful and enjoyable than if you do not.

Are you willing to engage in this form of sexual interplay? If you are, you and your partner can enjoy much more pleasurable sex. You’ll also enjoy much more sexual and orgasmic pleasure and satisfaction. So how to do it? Get some advice, maybe! Read about how to please a man in bed here and how to please a woman in bed here. There is a lot of information on this whole matter available on those two websites.

How to sexually please a woman in bed

The discipline lies in curbing your enthusiasm for penetration and ejaculation! The key to this lies in making sex last longer. You need to focus on the desire to satisfy please your partner, to please her sexually, to pleasure her in bed, to give a sexual fulfillment to her….

Many men are accustomed to taking their pleasure, with little thought perhaps of the woman’s pleasure. You need to change this sexual habit, and find out a way of actually engaging in sex that satisfies her as well as you!

The expression “women come first” is about a way of making love designed to achieve greater sexual pleasure and satisfaction for both men and women alike.

What it means is that if you’re aiming for maximum sexual pleasure as a couple, then ensure that the woman comes first. The man achieves his orgasm after his partner has enjoyed her orgasm.

When she has an orgasm first, her vagina will be lubricated, tumescent and warm. This is far more satisfying for a man and from the woman’s point of view, this is a pleasurable experience too. Her arousal decreases far more slowly than his. A man might want to end sexual contact after his ejaculation, but a woman is often happy to engage in further sexual contact with her partner after her orgasm.

So foreplay which is designed to arouse the woman (and maybe bring her to orgasm) can really help to establish a wonderful sexual relationship between the members of a couple.

Now obviously there are times when we all want a “quickie” – in other words, sex to satisfy an urge. This is very pleasurable, perhaps comes from a moment of passion, and satisfies us sexually. So the thing is, all kinds of sex are valuable provided they are done in a loving way. But this, well, this is a great way of satisfying a woman.

Physical Contact As An Essential Element of Every Successful Relationship

The body of every man and woman is well supplied with erogenous zones which, if properly caressed, bring full sexual arousal. Women’s chief erogenous zones are, in order of greatest sensitivity, the clitoris, the labia, and the vagina entrance.

Next come the nipples, but though the majority of women respond readily to stimulation of them by finger and thumb and the mouth (sucking or licking), there are far more women than is realized who find such attentions to the nipples off-putting by being irritating and sometimes downright painful. The equivalent areas on men’s bodies are the penis, testicles, nipples and scrotum. 

The other sensitive zones for both sexes are the insides and, to a less extent, the outsides of the upper thighs, the perineum, behind the knees, the lips and the inside of the mouth, the throat, the nape of the neck, behind the ears, the lobes, the length of the spine, the buttocks, the anus, and the navel.

There are not many parts of the surface of the body, then, that are not sexually responsive to caresses of one kind or another, principally with the fingers, lips, and tongue.

This being so, responses to physiological stimuli, at least via some of the sensitive zones, makes physiological response universal. And of course some arousal is entirely or principally psychological: this is particularly true of the woman’s caresses of the partner, which although physiological for him, have psychologically arousing properties for her.

Well, what does turn a woman on and make her come?

A good communication system between husband and wife brings far more satisfaction than anything else except good sex! But there are specific cases – for example – if she is anorgasmic, training the muscles of her pelvic floor will go a long way towards ending anorgasmia.

Ways to give a woman an orgasm

False beliefs that (may) spoil sex – and popular ways to make a woman come!

One false belief is that successful sex involves mutual orgasm. But as we know, a woman may have one or several orgasms before her husband ejaculates.

Another is that a woman will always come during intercourse by thrusting alone. In the absence of orgasm during intercourse, people have ended until quite recently to blame the man, saying that he did not know how to make love or else was a selfish character who did not care whether his wife was satisfied or not.

Truth is, for mutual assured pleasure, a woman needs to come before her man enters her. Many women (nearly 1 in 4 in our survey) invariably come from manual stimulation of the clitoris, and about half always come from cunnilingus.

Sex After Fifty – Part 2

Sex After Fifty: Men and Women

As the story of John and Katy demonstrates (read more on that here) a great deal of the cause of sexual failure has its roots in people’s minds.

Many men and women use the changes in their bodies during midlife as an excuse to stop having sex after 50. They seize on the pretext of feeling ill, of hot flushes or headaches, of increasing fatness or tiredness, of business responsibilities, or work, for rejecting any sexual approach that may be made to them or for refusing to make any sexual response that is expected of them.

What they are really saying is that they are so bored with sex that it no longer has any attraction for them.

Or rather I should say, they are so bored with sex with their partner after fifty years of age that it has no attraction for them any more.

Another client of mine, Roger, is sixty-seven, his wife Jane is fifty-nine. They have been married for twenty-seven years. He is a retired schoolmaster, but his wife is still teaching. They do not see many friends. Roger is an amateur musician, playing three instruments and holding two diplomas. Jane’s hobby is visiting stately homes, which she can only do occasionally. He does not accompany her, as he has arthritis in both ankles, and finds walking for long difficult.

At twelve stone, Roger is not overweight for his height – five feet ten inches – and age. Jane, who is five feet nine inches, and weighs ten stone, is trim and neat. She has good health, neither smokes nor drinks. Roger takes “pills prescribed by my doctor to relieve the pain in my ankles.”

They still share a double bed, but never have intercourse now, though Roger would like to very much, at least once a week. 

 The coital alignment technique

Coital alignment technique for more sexual pleasure.

He is definitely not sexually naive….he does know how to make her orgasm.  But neither of them ever had a high sex-drive and they only ever made love once every two weeks or so. Roger does still have strong involuntary erections; that is, he can have an erection without direct stimulation of the penis. (At sixty-seven, this is quite an achievement.)

Jane had an early menopause, beginning at forty and finishing by forty-five. She was even lower-sexed than her husband. They used few sex positions for lovemaking and even fewer techniques. Roger claims Jane required stimulation of her clitoris for up to half an hour to bring her to the point where penetration was possible. Very often she would let him stimulate her for an hour before she asked him to go into her.

And he never really knew whether she reached orgasm or not. She never gave any sign that she had come (reached orgasm), so he always had to ask her, and she always said yes, though he believed that she reached orgasm much less often than she claimed. He also expressed his annoyance at her passivity: “Sometimes I would have very much liked her to take the active role from beginning to end, but I couldn’t ask her to.”

Roger and Jane said they had not made love for the last fifteen years: obviously sex stopped soon after Roger was 50.

He said, “My wife is completely uninterested in sex. For myself, I feel the urge as much as I did thirty years ago, but have no chance at my age of getting sex elsewhere!” It seems that since the very first weeks of their marriage, they had never taken their sex seriously as part of their lives, and certainly not used it as a visible symbol of their love for one another. So long as they were both satisfied by it, sex once every two weeks was all they needed.

But they could have made this lovemaking exciting by developing a varied technique of foreplay, and using a variety of sex positions – even six or seven positions gives quite a choice. Roger made no attempt to find more exciting ways to stimulate Jane, possibly because his sexual desire was satisfied by his (probably not very intense) orgasms.

The result of this laziness and lack of interest was that they were bored by sex, having reached fifty. She welcomed the menopause as an excuse to stop having sex, and he made no attempt to woo her all over again.

Ironically, at sixty-seven his sex drive is strong, and this has made him bitter so that he feels his marriage has become a mockery and would dearly like a divorce. His closest friend advised him to find someone to have sex with him….  and I don’t think he would have any trouble doing so. There are lots of understanding middle-aged women ready to become an attractive man’s mistress, if not his wife.

Another case 

In contrast, let us consider the Bs. Mr B is fifty-two, Mrs B is fifty. They have been married for thirty years and have two children, one of whom, a student, lives at home in the holidays. Mr B is a technical manager and Mrs B manages a shop.

At five feet eleven-and-a-half inches and weighing fourteen stone, Mr B is over-weight, though not grossly so, and has developed a bit of a belly. Mrs B is five feet four inches and weighs nine stone four pounds, which is average for her age and height. She keeps a watch over her figure and appearance. Both enjoy perfect health and take no drugs of any sort. Mrs B has gone through her menopause.

When they were younger they made love every day, and now after fifty years of age, at fifty-two and fifty, they still enjoy sex every night when it is possible. Mr B is away from home quite a lot, however, and they are not often able to make love every consecutive night. They make up for this deficiency during the week, by four or five sessions of love-making through to orgasm on Saturdays and Sundays.

He has very strong erections which he is able to sustain for an hour and a half at least. Mrs B has mastered the technique of having multiple orgasms and often reaches orgasm seven, eight or nine times to his once. He has acquired perfect control over his progress to orgasm and can determine exactly when he ejaculates.

This is a great example of how sex after fifty can be even more successful and enjoyable than sex in earlier life.

Video – better sex after 50.

From the beginning they have been adventurous in their sex play. They use oral sex a lot, and make use of many different sex positions. They make love in the sitting-room, in the bath, in the car, in the country: in fact, anywhere they happen to be and feel the urge and are assured of privacy. “We have found,” they said, “it better if we just try to have intercourse when we feel like it, and not wait.”

If anything, since Mrs B completed her menopause they make love more frequently than they did in the five years or so before she began it. Their one regret is that they have not more time for sex.

Mr B’s penis is four-and-a-half inches flaccid, six inches erect, and five inches in circumference when erect; that is, of average length but slightly fatter than average. Mrs B’s clitoris is an inch up from her vagina and about the size of a small pea when fully erect; that is, average both in position and size.

When using the conventional face-to-face man on top sex position, he makes circular pelvic movements, not thrusting movements, as his wife finds this movement gives her more satisfaction. His penis does not touch the clitoris directly, but this circular movement massages the general clitoral area and induces a series of rapid orgasms in Mrs B.

The application of this circular movement also explains why Mr B is able to sustain sex for over half an hour, often as long as an hour, before he ejaculates. First, because the circular movement is less tiring than the thrusting one. Second, the movement is much less stimulating to the penis than the backwards-and-forwards movement. Mr B is, therefore, helping himself to increase even more his already excellent level of ejaculatory control.

In other positions, direct penis-clitoris contact is not achieved except in rear-entry sex with Mrs B kneeling. If she supports herself on her hands, contact is not made. However, if she bends right down, with her face on the pillows, there is direct contact, and she can achieve up to nine orgasms in sex lasting three-quarters of an hour.

The experience of the Bs, at 52 and 50 respectively, shows up the dismal failure of Roger and Jane. Mr and Mrs B are a happy couple, very much in love, who have complete faith and trust in one another, not only sexually, but also in life generally. There is no dissatisfaction, no bitterness, and they show that sexual activity in later life can be just as rewarding as in earlier years.

 

Sex After Fifty Part 1

Men and sex after fifty

Most men in their fifties experience a gradual decline in fertility. In other words, their semen does not contain sufficient sperm or sufficiently healthy sperm to ensure that every time they make love to a woman in conditions otherwise favorable for conception, they would get her pregnant. Nevertheless, a lot of men in their sixties and seventies become fathers.

But even if a man produces no sperm at all, his sexual desire and his sexual ability to have satisfying orgasms do not disappear. The latter, however, is dependent upon his being able to have an erection. Unfortunately there are many possible problems: erectile dysfunction, weak erections that do not allow the penis to enter the vagina, retarded ejaculation, and oddly a reversion to a condition of the ardent days of youth, namely, premature ejaculation; all these are the troubles that beset the middle-aged male – or, more generally, the man seeking to enjoy sex after he is fifty or older.

Now, I don’t know why it is assumed that wild potency is needed for a man to regard himself as a sexual success. Certainly there are few woman who would agree that being a stud is necessary for sexual success.

There is a slowing-down in the frequency of sexual desire as well. If the man who made love four times a week in his peak years can, at fifty or sixty, make love satisfactorily both for himself and for his partner twice a week he is doing well: he is not the approaching the end of sexual activity.

However, he may feel emasculated by this reduction in sexual activity, and this can further undermine his sexual desire, his physical responses and his sexual performance.

A lot of men’s partial or complete impotence and of weak erections is due to anxiety – for example, anxiety about becoming impotent. In other words, a vicious circle develops, in which fear of becoming impotent actually creates impotence.

There’s also a need for good general health to ensure normal, healthy middle-aged sexual functioning. If a man’s general health is not so great, his sexual health is bound to suffer too. This, in its turn, adds to the psychological effects. The psychological effects can be dealt with by adding a suitable psychological self help program such as Capture His Heart to the standard techniques of dealing with relationship issues.

A Case History – the Story Of John and Katy

Let me try to illustrate some of these issues of sex after fifty by describing the case-history of John & Katy.

John was fifty-seven. He had been married for thirty-one years, and though the marriage had not been wildly romantic, his relationship with his wife had been a happy one. She was two years younger than he, and was completely over her menopause by fifty-one. She was also an intelligent woman, and had decided that she was going to respond to the changes with a new lease of life, gaining new qualifications and new employment.

When they’d married in their middle twenties, John and Katy had sex three or four times a week. John had been a capable lover: Katy had no complaints on that score, though she later admitted to me there had been times when she had wished for more exciting lovemaking, though not often.

After her menopause she gradually began to realize that she was becoming more preoccupied with thoughts of sex than she had been at any time during her earlier life, and her sexual desire was also increasing.

She was aroused more often, wanted to make love more often, and also wanted a deeper sexual experience than she had had before. John, on the other hand, had fallen into the habit of making love to her only on Saturdays or Sundays, perhaps every two weeks or so.

Video – sex after 50

Katy would have made love every other day if she’d had the opportunity, but she did not criticize John for his lack of desire, accepting that his greatly increased responsibilities at work made him too tired for lovemaking during the week. However, this did not solve the problem of her increased desire, and after a time, she made one or two tentative approaches.

 To her delight John responded, but on a couple of occasions rebuffed her gently but firmly. Her successes, however, encouraged her to a strong desire for oral sex. John was surprised, but delighted. On the other hand, he suddenly realized that Katy had changed.

For the first time for a long time, he really noticed how attractive she was, and it struck him that she was much more sexually active after fifty than she had ever been before.

His work was tiring and he often had to bring a case full of papers home with him, and by bedtime all he wanted to do was sleep.

That is what he had been doing: but now he was aware that he ought to pay more attention to the new Katy.

But he could not readjust to her increased desire for sex straightaway, and, in fact, though he kept telling himself he really ought to do something about it, he never did. Then another incident occurred. He went to bed very tired one night, and when Katy wanted to make love to him, he refused, turned over on his side and went to sleep.

A little later he awoke, and became conscious that Katy was masturbating. As a result of this incident he was shaken out of his rut. He really would do something about it. But almost immediately the increase in Katy’s desire for lovemaking struck him even more forcibly than before, and in a moment of panic he thought, “What if I can’t keep pace with her?”

Instead of telling himself that he would have no problem, he let the idea begin to get to him, and when he finally did take the opportunity to make love to her, he had some difficulty in getting a really firm erection, and this added to his anxiety.

Sex After Fifty – Video

Then the sex was a failure in his eyes, because, for the first time in thirty years, he ejaculated as she touched his penis to guide it into her vagina. This was a fatal experience. Almost every time, for several months when they made love, he either ejaculated prematurely or he could not get a firm enough erection to penetrate her. He did not even get an erection from fellatio.

For a time both were plunged into depression, which did not help John at all, and it was in utter desperation that he came to see me. “I don’t mind betting you’ve nothing physically wrong with you,” I told him, when he had told me his story. “Do you still have morning erections?” He seemed surprised by my question. “Well,” he said, “come to think of it, I do. Not so often, perhaps, but two or three times a week.” “In that case,” I replied, “I think counseling would be able to help you more than a doctor.” “You think I’m imagining I have erectile dysfunction?” he asked. “Yes,” I said. “If your impotence had any physical cause, that would prevent you having even an involuntary erection!”

As it turned out, there was no need for him to consult a counselor. He was able to get back to normal, just on the basis of what I’d told him: fear of failure really does breed failure.

This is a common problem. More often than not, the counselor rather than the doctor has the cure for middle-aged sexual disorders.

Viagra can help enormously!

Oddly enough I see the makers of Viagra have just put out a new TV ad which features almost exactly the above scenario! And with good reason – because we know that one or two experiences of getting an erection with the help of Viagra can really boost a man’s confidence and make it possible for him to make love with confidence after a spell with erectile problems that are psychologically based. This approach comes highly recommended. If it does not work, try counselling as suggested above.

Male hormone deficiency

In cases where a man is impotent, or has weak erections or retarded or premature ejaculation, and there is no traceable psychological origin, there may also be a definite absence of sexual desire. This stems from the fact that the testosterone output of the testicles which control sexual desire has greatly depreciated or ceased altogether.

This lack of hormone production can be corrected by testosterone replacement therapy. So there is really no need – except in a very small percentage of cases which will respond neither to hormone nor to psychological treatment – for a man or a woman to consider themselves incapable of sex in their later decades after their fifties.

To sum up, both the man and the woman do undergo physical changes, the woman apparently on a much greater scale than the man. The hormonal changes may, however, be similar in scale in each of them. But whatever the changes, whether it’s the complete menopause of the woman, or the andropause in the man, both sexes are normally quite capable of having great sex after 50 years of age, though perhaps slightly less often.

Where there are clear issues – thinning of the lining of the vagina, failure or partial failure of vaginal lubrication, hormone deficiency, and so on – there are many ways to correct them.

The best way of avoiding sexual failure of almost any kind is to maintain regular sexual activity throughout life. The more often a couple make love between twenty and forty, the longer they will remain sexually active after fifty and on into their middle and later years.

And if you are already 50 or over, then regular and fairly frequent lovemaking – sometimes even when you are not prompted by desire, when you have to start from scratch and get aroused – plus a new adventurousness in sexual techniques, is one of the surest ways of maintaining a satisfactory sex-life for most, if not all, of the rest of your life ….

 

Sexual Fantasy and Your Pleasure

Visualization  &  Fantasy For Women’s Sexual Pleasure

Visualization can be a way of relaxing. Close your eyes while you’re being pleasured and imagine you’re somewhere else—on a Tahiti beach listening to the regular, smooth breaking of the waves, warming in the South Pacific sun.

 In a suite in a Swiss ski lodge on a fur rug before a crackling fire. In Paris between satin sheets in an elegant hotel. Choose someplace that makes you feel good and makes you feel peaceful and go there.

Sexual fantasy

Sexual fantasy involves a variety of visualization techniques. It is the preserve of the Lover archetype within you. But what purpose does it serve? Well…..

Fantasy can chase resistances to pleasure away. You can, for example, imagine a desirable sexual experience with your partner or with someone else, or you can recall a pleasurable sexual experience you’ve had in the past. Some people fantasize more easily than others. Everyone can learn to relax into sexual fantasy.

If you think you have difficulty fantasizing, try this exercise: start by closing your eyes and seeing yourself as you are right now, at this very moment, with your eyes closed, doing just what you are doing. Then experience your breathing. Notice your lungs filling and emptying and the sensation of your breath passing in and out of your nose.

Now, eyes closed, picture the objects in the room around you. Can you see them almost as if you had your eyes open? Picture yourself in the room among these objects. What are you wearing? Visualize your clothes.

Now change the scene. Visualize yourself on a soft, sandy beach, lying on powder-white sand in warm sun. Then picture someone with you on the beach.

Now switch to a sexual fantasy. Recall in detail a desirable sexual experience with your partner or with someone else. Or imagine a sexual experience that you would like to have at some future time. These memories and experiences may appear to you as snapshots, as movies, as fragmented and impressionistic images. They may involve feelings or words more than visual images.

Keep the fantasy in mind and build on it by adding new details. You can change the setting or add new experiences to real experiences you remember. This is the creative world of the sensually oriented Lover archetype, the part of you which is always looking for sensual, sexual, social and loving connection.

Top Sexual Fantasies For Women

Knowing what other people fantasize about can help you learn to fantasize. Everyone has sexual fantasies some of the time. Here are common fantasies, listed in the order of their popularity:

Sex with your regular partner. Pleasures you’ve enjoyed together in the past. Pleasures you’d like to enjoy but can’t because you or your partner finds them unacceptable in real life. Real experiences with imaginary embellishments. Feel free to invent any activities you think you would enjoy with your partner, however unlikely. They’re your private fantasies and yours alone.

Sex variation with other opposite-sex partners. Someone you have met or known. Screen stars, sports heroes and heroines, your high school prom king or queen. Since this is fantasy, not reality, it’s safe to pick anyone you want. Imagine where you are, what you’re doing, what you say to each other. Visualize how your imagined partner looks and how touching and caressing feels. Decide what you would like to do. Mentally write an entire shared scene. You may be more comfortable with this fantasy if you also fantasize that your regular partner is having sex with someone else. After all, the Lover archetype (read more here about the Lover in men) is always ready to take connection where he or she can get it. (Read more here about the Lover in women.)

A woman may imagine two men loving her physically at the same time, or a man and a woman. One may be a stranger and the other her regular partner.

Being taken. Fantasies of being taken sexually against your will. Women particularly enjoy this fantasy. It’s perfectly acceptable. It has nothing to do with reality. Unwilling, forced sex is an ugly, violent act of criminal assault. To imagine a stranger or someone you know taking you forcefully is a fantasy! Perhaps your regular partner is made to watch. You resist at first, then give in. You may be tied up and totally helpless but become sexually aroused along the way.

Sex with same-sex partners. Most people fantasize occasionally about having sex with people of their own gender, although many strongly resist acknowledging these thoughts. If you aren’t too threatened to explore this fantasy, picture in detail whom you would enjoy having sex with, what you would do, and where you would do it. Same-sex fantasies aren’t an indication of homosexuality, conscious or unconscious. They’re simply exercises in human imagination, a normal part of life.

Fantasies left over from childhood. Vivid memories of fantasies and experiences may return to you from childhood if you let them. Our first sexual experiences and feelings are often overwhelmingly powerful; you can tap some of that residual emotion by recalling them. They may be only fragmentary: a girl’s hair brushing a boy’s face; a glimpse of someone naked. You may have thought of playing doctor with another child, or of having sex with an adult. Recall those fantasies now.

Fantasies have great value in sex.

They’re private, so they affect no one else and depend on no one else, and they actually change body chemistry. They stimulate arousal; they can give you a head start on pleasure with your partner. The image comes before the reality and begins preparing the body for that reality.

If you find a fantasy arousing, continue that fantasy. If you find a fantasy neutral or negative, switch to another fantasy until you discover one that gives you pleasure.

Start with a fantasy that feels safe. Mentally write the scene. What time is it? Where are you? What does your partner (or partners) look like? What do both of you (or all of you) do? Begin dressed and enjoy undressing—even fantasies deserve time for foreplay! Don’t rush your fantasy. Extending it will add pleasure and benefit arousal.

If you are fantasizing about sex with someone other than your regular partner, choose someone with whom you feel comfortable. If the fantasy works, keep it going. If it doesn’t work, change it.

Use fantasy in sexual situations. First fantasize alone while you self-stimulate. Then add fantasy while you’re with your partner making love.

Some people fear they will act out their fantasies. Fantasies are almost always safe. Very few people ever act out fantasies they believe to be taboo.

Some people fear that fantasizing is dishonest. They believe they owe their partners one hundred percent of their physical and mental attention. They believe fantasizing is disloyal. They think that their partners would feel rejected and excluded if they knew. In fact, sharing fantasies often increases a partner’s excitement.

Partners should trust each other enough to share some fantasies. One way to test the water is to share a relatively safe fantasy and see what happens—a fantasy, for example, that involves only your partner and yourself, doing something together that you don’t usually do. The sharing can develop from there.

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