Judging by the number of sites on the Internet devoted to the female orgasm, you might suppose that everybody who wanted to would by now know everything they could possibly learn about female arousal and sexual satisfaction!
Unfortunately, those of us who work in the field of female sexuality will know that that’s simply not true, and large numbers of women are still having bad sex.
For example, Rebecca Reid, writing in the Daily Telegraph in the United Kingdom says people “always seem surprised to hear that 40% of women don’t orgasm when we have sex”.
Well, to start with I would put the percentage of women who don’t orgasm when they have sex much higher than 40%, but leave that aside for the moment.
The main point she makes in this article is that women are now expecting orgasms, and a man who doesn’t take the trouble to make a woman come when he makes love to her isn’t seen as either a very good or very considerate lover, (and probably a worse prospect as a long-term partner).
However this isn’t the whole story. The female orgasm is long been medicalized – that is to say, somehow it’s been the preserve of the medical profession, who, for example, dictate that when a woman doesn’t come (or a man doesn’t give a woman an orgasm) she is suffering from some kind of sexual dysfunction – but now the female orgasm also appears to be commercialized.
Rebecca writes about how the willingness of women to spend money in pursuit of orgasm has increased profits of one UK-based sex toy company by three times in just two years.
Vibrators selling for over a hundred pounds are apparently commonplace, and female sex toys are indeed big business.
Assuming that it’s mostly women buying them, we might assume that that female sexuality is providing a huge commercial market – presumably all aimed at female sexual satisfaction.
So it’s hardly surprising that the female orgasm has now become the subject of an app called OMGyes. (Get it?)
Now it may or may not be men’s fault that women are so desperate to come, to reach orgasm, but I think it’s fair to say that if men made a bit more effort the percentage of women who enjoy orgasm during sex play and intercourse would increase quite considerably!
In the absence of that much effort to make women come, it appears that the geeks and technical people are getting in on the act!
OMGyes claims there are 12 major techniques that can bring a woman to orgasm. But why the difference between men’s ability to bring women to orgasm (perhaps it’s about motivation?) and women’s ability to bring themselves to orgasm? Is it just motivation? Or skill?
Of course women have been practicing on themselves since puberty, so it’s hardly surprising they are better at making themselves orgasm than men!
And of course if a man is motivated to improve his orgasmic techniques he may need help – so this app describes itself as “an interactive learning tool for sexual technique.”
Now you might think that if you had a real female partner, the best way to learn how to bring her off might be to talk to her about female orgasms, and in particular how to make a woman come. But in the absence of such jolly communication, OMGyes has decided to take video images of women masturbating to orgasm and turn them into some kind of educational tool for men.
Whether or not men will be attracted by the desire to improve their ability to give a woman an orgasm, or the desire to masturbate along with the woman on screen is a moot point!
So, in short, the idea is that if you want to know how many ways there are to make a woman come, you can just buy this app, and then examine a woman enjoying each of the 12 different major types of sexual stimulation that women are supposed to use to reach orgasm.
Each technique is demonstrated by a woman who enjoys that technique more than any other, and the app provides detailed information and tuition (based on the woman’s technique for masturbation to orgasm).
Inevitably, perhaps, the app allows you to use your touchscreen to practice the specific movements that might bring a woman off until you get them right.
Now I should admit that the time of writing I haven’t actually seen this app, but Rebecca says it is “genuinely engaging”, free of judgment or shame, and “provides straight up information”.
Apparently with a collection of women of different ages and races, the shock factor is minimized, and it seems to appeal to women as well as men.
Other Techniques For Orgasm
However, a word to the wise: while men might believe that the object of all lovemaking is to give a woman an orgasm, the truth of the matter is that orgasms come from inside. In other words, the real key to giving a woman orgasm is actually concentrating on what allows a woman to have one.
There are several suggestions in Psychology Today which make the point…
And interestingly enough, despite Rachel Reid’s claim that about 60% of women reach orgasm during intercourse, the first point that Psychology Today makes is that you shouldn’t expect a woman to orgasm during intercourse. The figure given here for female orgasm during intercourse is about 25%.
And in fact, I think that the actual number of women who are consistently orgasmic during intercourse is lower than that. But whatever the exact number, reliable sources all agree that the majority of women need stimulation to the clitoris to make them come.
In case you don’t know it, the clitoris is located a few inches above the opening of the vagina – so no matter how good you are at making love, and how much you value your technique, it’s not likely that a woman’s clitoral area is going to get much stimulation during intercourse.
Clitoral simulation can be provided during intercourse by either a mouth, fingers, or a vibrator, but the ebst way to find out what’s needed is for a couple to talk about this so that woman’s needs can be met in a way that is pleasurable to her.
For example, direct touch to her clitoris before she is sexually aroused can be unpleasant rather than satisfying.
In another post we’ll look at all the other techniques that men can use to help a woman come.