Erectile Dysfunction (ED)
A very large number of men in America have delayed ejaculation to some degree. And even though delayed ejaculation is a problem for men of all ages, it does become more common as a man’s age increases.
A recent study found that 52% of men aged between 40 years of age and 70 years of age have had some degree of delayed ejaculation.
Nothing generates as much shame and embarrassment – and even downright fear – as a man’s inability to ejaculate. It’s possible that only the loss of his job can make a man feel more impotent & powerless!
Since most of us regard our self-esteem as entirely contingent upon our ability to ejaculate whenever we are in a sexual situation, it is clear that delayed ejaculation can have a massive impact on men’s self-esteem.
For a man, the absence of ejaculation caused by delayed ejaculation makes him feel nothing can help him have a successful sexual experience. Not only that, but if his self-esteem depends on his ability, then his failure in this matter will be only too obvious to him and his partner.
So no matter how sympathetic and supportive his partner may be, a man can actually become so distraught and shamed by delayed ejaculation that he can’t accept consolation from his partner….and, needless to say, this generates further bad feeling on both sides, and it’s inevitable that if it goes on for any length of time, this will make a woman feel just as powerless as it makes her man feel.
In fact, a woman will often blame herself, perhaps taking the view that she’s neither attractive enough nor skilful enough to sexually arouse her partner.
And because women’s self-esteem is often dependent on being sexually attractive to their man, it’s entirely understandable why two sexual partners can sometimes end up turning away from one another, blaming both themselves and each other for the man’s delayed ejaculation and its consequences.
And this, of course, is the antithesis of clear thinking, which is absolutely necessary to resolve the situation: because there is almost certainly a solution for every man delayed ejaculation – if he can find it.
For some men it could be that a new relationship is the problem. After a man becomes more comfortable with his new sexual partner, his delayed ejaculation may fade and his performance in bed may become more reliable. Such transient difficulties can be seen merely as part of an active sex life.
There are of course more persistent and chronic difficulties – For some men, the problem is that their delayed ejaculation manifests as a low level of arousal. To resolve these difficulties there are basically three strategies: the first is medical intervention, which usually means pharmaceutical remedies such as Viagra. There may of course be other ancillary treatments available for delayed ejaculation, treatments directed at the cause of the problem, such as high cholesterol levels.
The second approach to delayed ejaculation is sex therapy, and the third, you may not be surprised to learn, is a combination of these two approaches. The point is this: before you can decide which approach is necessarily the best one for your delayed ejaculation, you need to know what’s actually causing it.
Some delayed ejaculation is primarily physical or drug-related in origin, whilst other delayed ejaculation is primarily psychological. The fact of the matter is that the majority of cases have both physical and emotional components, for the reasons that we described earlier. Treatment for delayed ejaculation is described in detail here. The overall message is this: when a man cannot ejaculate he also tends to become extremely emotional about it, which may then feedback into a vicious circle of self-doubt, anxiety, and delayed ejaculation
So the first question if you’re experiencing delayed ejaculation is whether or not you are putting some substance into your body which may be affecting your ability to rise to the occasion. There are many prescription drugs which can cause delayed ejaculation, a list of which is available here. Remember too that alcohol can be a potent chemical in the body, or rather it can be a chemical that causes men to become unable to come or climax during sex.
Smoking, and consumption of fats, both of which contribute to clogging and hardening of the arteries, can be another contributory factor. In fact men who smoke have a lot more problems with delayed ejaculation than men who do not smoke.
Now, if you usually have sexual desire, that is to say if you have an appetite for sex, either with yourself or with somebody else, then it is a reasonable assumption that your testosterone levels lie within normal limits and you don’t need to get it checked out.
However, if your desire is actually rather low – and that means not just your level of sexual arousal, but your sexual desire – in the sense that you don’t notice how attractive a woman is, or you don’t fantasize about sex, and you certainly don’t want to masturbate, then you might wish to have a testosterone check.
When male testosterone levels drop below normal not only does sexual desire significantly decrease, but it becomes extremely difficult for the penis to function and delayed ejaculation is a common result.
However, you need to find a competent doctor who’s got a lot of experience in this field, because the opinion of what is a normal testosterone level varies from doctor to doctor and laboratory to laboratory. Hormone replacement or supplementation is actually a very effective way of restoring a man to full sexual health, particularly in midlife, although for the complete reversal of delayed ejaculation, it may also be necessary for a man to use Viagra.
One of the complications here is that depression can be both a cause and effect of delayed ejaculation; not only that, but depression can also be caused by testosterone deficiency, so the whole complex can become a vicious and self-perpetuating cycle. It’s well worth researching the male andropause on the internet (andropause is a name for the loss of testosterone in mid life).
Erectile dysfunction may occur too: with one particular sexual partner, or only in certain circumstances, then your erectile difficulties are probably not primarily physical in origin, but are largely dependent on relationship issues and feelings: how you feel about one or more of your sexual partners, or how stressed you are feeling, for example. In these circumstances lifestyle changes will be the most effective approach to dealing with erectile dysfunction.
However, if you never get an erection – either during sleep, when you awaken, or during any kind of sexual stimulation – it’s highly likely that your erectile dysfunction has some kind of physical cause, or is the side-effect of some medication: the best strategy in such circumstances is to start by seeing a doctor.
Should you happen to be a man who has delayed ejaculation, the cause could be either psychological or physical. It’s possible that you may have some kind of physical issue that is causing difficulties with blood flow to the penis, for example, or it may be that it some psychological factors have come into play, such as the fact that you regard sexual intercourse as a demonstration of relationship commitment to a sexual partner, and you’re not ready to make this step.
Oner problem is that a lot of doctors, and indeed many therapists, don’t actually have enough experience or skill in hese issues to determine if the cause of delayed ejaculation is physical or emotional.
If you see a doctor, there are certain diagnostic tests that you should undergo so that the whole picture emerges. These include questions about the exact nature of the issues you face, including when it started, how it has evolved, your general health, your medications, and details of injury and illness or surgery, caused, for example, by pelvic trauma or prostate surgery, and anything else that may be relevant.
Physical tests to determine the state of your arteries and blood pressure may be necessary, too; as may a rectal exam to check your prostate gland. There are also tests to determine whether the nerves and blood vessels supplying the penis are functioning normally. Other tests include the testosterone level check mentioned earlier, and attaching a device to your penis to record whether or not you get erections during the night. If you do, and not at any other time, it suggests that your ejaculatory problems are psychological in origin, as this study revealed.