Category Archives: how to bring a woman to orgasm

how to bring a woman to orgasm, how to please a woman in bed

Women and Orgasm (For Men!)

In the majority of surveys, starting with the work by Shere Hite in 1976, one finding occurs consistently: few women reach orgasm during intercourse. The majority of women require stimulation of the clitoris before they reach orgasm. 

So what can you do if you’re trying to pleasure a woman by bringing her to orgasm?

The difficulty or ease with which a woman reaches orgasm is clearly affected by a range of factors: genetic,  social, emotional, and so on. For example, how much a woman trusts her man will affect how easily he can make her come during sexual interaction.

statistics relating to female orgasmOne issue is simply that there are so many factors that impact on a woman’s ability to achieve orgasm. The same is true, of course, on a man’s ability to give a woman sexual pleasure in bed by making her come or bringing her to orgasm. These include some less obvious factors – for example, sociological issues such as the meaning and acceptability of orgasm in her culture and her social environment.

orgasm during intercourse may be important to many womenAlso, some women feel more comfortable reaching orgasm during vaginal intercourse than through masturbation. They may have an association in their minds between clitoral stimulation or masturbation and socially unacceptable or otherwise negative behavior.

Equally, any sexual activity which might threaten the intimacy of a sexual relationship could be potentially threatening for some women. It may be less culturally threatening, too, for some women,  if the man takes responsibility for his woman’s orgasm. And this means some men may be culturally pressured to know how to make a woman come. So we can see that both personality factors and the influence of culture and religion can be very important in the achievement of female sexual pleasure through orgasm. 

Valuing a man who knows how to make a woman come!

In a survey of heterosexual women, John Bancroft asked how important various factors were in reaching orgasm and enjoying sexual happiness. In order of importance, the percentage of women answering “very” or “extremely” important to the following questions were:

1) to feel emotionally close to your partner – 83.5%

2) to feel your partner is sexually satisfied – 78.9%

3) to feel talking comfortable but your partner about – 61.5%

4) to have an orgasm – 29.6%

shows how a man can make a woman come during intercourseThis clearly indicates that intercourse and orgasm have a different significance to women than they do to men. 

Frequency of orgasm

Kinsey showed that, when asked about intercourse in general, 22% of women said they never experience orgasm. By contrast, this number dropped to 14% for “assisted” intercourse (i.e., when clitoral stimulation was specifically included). Among men who are sexually active, 72% claim that they always had an orgasm to climax and ejaculated during intercourse with a partner, 22% said they usually did, 4% said they sometimes did, and 2% said they rarely or never did.

picture of the female g spotHowever, the implication that most women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm (which is really a simple factual observation) has caused controversy. Some sexologists believe that a man can only bring a woman to orgasmic pleasure through intercourse alone if her G spot has been awakened. This happens through a combination of sexual experience, sexual confidence, and emotional connection to her partner.

Certainly there is an abundance of circumstantial evidence around sexual orgasm in women. There seems to be a fundamental difference in origin and experience between sexual climax that’s achieved by clitoral stimulation compared to one achieved by stimulation of the vagina alone.

Whatever the truth, exploring such issues can be a good motivation for men and women to enjoy sexual interactions and mutual pleasure…. and certainly female orgasm is a good motivation for a man to learn how to really pleasure his partner in the way she would like. Men love to give women pleasure – it is a very affirming experience for them.

Ways to make a woman come

According to Cosmopolitan magazine,  around 10% of women have never had an orgasm with a partner.

sex techniquesAnd that is truly shocking! Considering that the basis of 99% of heterosexual relationships is love and sex, what can be done about it? Well, obviously, one of the things that can be done about it is for men to learn some great sexual techniques to increase a woman’s sexual pleasure. 

So here, courtesy of Cosmo, are some useful tips for women to achieve orgasm during intercourse.  (The text is addressed mainly to women!)

First of all, if you want to come easily, get on top during sexual intercourse. That way, if you lean forward, you can compress your clitoris between your pelvic bone and your  man’s, providing clitoral stimulation – hopefully sufficiently intense to make you come. But the exact angle you’re going to use to achieve climax quickly will depend on how your bodies come together — for example, how big your bellies are.

sex techniquesIf the man is lying on the bed, it might be necessary for him to arch his back a little bit so that his pelvis is raised. This gives you the opportunity to “grind” your clitoris against his pelvis. Hopefully that will make you come.

Now, one of the most important things to remember is that sex isn’t just about finding the right sexual position or technique. The truth of the matter is that women can become far more aroused than men during sex, and although it takes a different set of skills to arouse a woman to the point where she’s going to come than it does to arouse a man to that point. The interesting thing is that a man’s arousal depends to a large extent on how aroused his partner is. 

Some women feel they have to fake orgasm to please their man. Instead, show your partner exactly what you need him to do to make you orgasm. You can say something like “I want to try something new and see if it makes reaching orgasm easier for me.” He’ll understand that! Or you could invite him to masturbate you, showing him exactly where to put his hand or tongue, to make your orgasm easy.

If you’re a woman who doesn’t come during intercourse — and very few women do — then explain to your partner that you like clitoral stimulation. Tell him you want more of this, especially during sex with him, so that you get even more pleasure in bed. 

One of the ways that you can introduce the subject tactfully without hurting his feelings is by suggesting you enjoy some mutual masturbation to get you both aroused. 

A general tip:  you’ve no doubt heard of Kegel exercises? Believe me, Kegel exercises are one of the things that will make reaching orgasm a heck of a lot easier! You do need resistance, though, it’s no use just contracting the muscle as if you were stopping yourself urinating. That means buying something like the Kegel Master, a device specially designed for women to increase the strength of their PC muscles and hopefully make achieving orgasm easier for them. 

However – there are other approaches that depend on slight changes in sexual position to give you much greater pleasure.In the classic missionary position, you can tilt your hips so that you’re directing his penis to the right spot inside your vagina. That “right spot” is the one most likely to make you come!

Alternatively, if he’s keen on giving you sexual pleasure in bed, you can grab hold of his hips and move him in exactly the way you need  so that his erection stimulates your clitoris or vulva.

Pleasure in bed comes in many ways  

So, during sex, it’s always possible for you, or him, to “lend a helping hand. ” In other words, for you or him to stimulate your clitoris, thereby helping yourself reach orgasm easily. Similarly, if you’re actually lying face down in the rather nice and comfy position that is called “reverse missionary”, then one option is view to grind your clitoris against a pillow or the bed itself.

Female ejaculation during orgasm

Some women are worried by a tendency to release fluid during orgasm, often assuming that the fluid is urine. However, analysis of the fluid suggests that it contains chemical compounds which are reminiscent of prostate secretions in men.

Women who ejaculate during intercourse develop a swelling in the anterior vaginal wall close to the area of the G spot which disappears when ejaculations taken place.

This swelling seems to be caused by the fluid collecting in the urethra at that point, before it is expelled from the body during sexual arousal.

Here’s ex educator Laci Green on “Squirting”

Although there is considerable variability between different women in the degree to which they have paraurethral ducts around the urethra, it may well be that the fluid secreted by these ducts and the associated glands is the one that can be expelled during “female ejaculation”.

This is a process that appears to be similar to the ejection of semen from the body after the emission phase of sexual response (when semen is released into the urethra before expulsion) in men.

The function of a woman’s orgasm

Although one obvious function of male orgasm might be to encourage mating, with the consequent ejaculation of semen, it’s not quite so clear what the function of orgasm in women might be.

Suggestions include the simple emotional reward of pleasure “for” allowing sexual intercourse to take place, the resolution of vaginal tenting (ballooning of the vagina during orgasm) which allows the cervix to dip down into the pool of semen left in the vagina after ejaculation.

And also, it seems, stimulation of the man’s penis so that he ejaculates because of the stimulation of the vaginal contractions on his glans and penile shaft. Other ideas include the reinforcement of pair bonding, and the upsuck of semen into the uterus.

The problem with these explanations is that very few women experience orgasm as a result of sexual intercourse alone. This makes it difficult to explain how female orgasm came to evolve if it was a reward for allowing intercourse to occur!

But in the end does it matter? We know what orgasm feels like, and we know it bonds a couple closely. Maybe all we need to know is that it is wonderful to know how to make a woman come and to give and receive sexual pleasure in bed!

female ejaculation, how to bring a woman to orgasm, how to make a woman come

The Art Of Sexual Pleasure

Many woman have one special sexual approach which makes them aroused, and can sometimes make them reach orgasm without direct stimulation of the genitals. Here are examples:

“Anal intercourse. It’s so exciting!” Please be careful if you do this, and watch out for the transfer of yeast cells from the vagina to the anus. This can cause yeast infections of the vagina, or Bacterial Vaginosis. Bad news both!

“Running his fingers all over the lips of my vagina and inside and out and on and on forever, and I get sexually aroused so very slowly and yet realizing that I can go on rising until eternity, and anticipating, and finally he plunges in a finger, two fingers hard and go on from there, and/or a special thrill, a sudden twist of the hand so that the wrist bone grates against the soft sensitive insides of the tops of my thighs, and I come in a massive climax, with my natural sexual lubrication spurting out of me!”

“I love him to run his hands over and under my ass while we’re making love at the same time that we’re kissing.”

“Standing when you are held so close and tight you can feel your man’s penis and balls fitting so comfortably between your legs.”

“I love to have my tits played with. I get really turned on when a man sucks on them. I get turned on by this more than by anything else. When a man plays with my clitoris with his fingers, it feels really good, but I don’t come.”

“My lover caresses and touches every inch of my body, but when he brushes my vagina with his penis, it is the most glorious moment of all his caresses. He knows how much I enjoy this moment and prolongs entry as long as I can stand it.”

“The touch of his penis at my vagina entrance makes me leap forward towards orgasm with a big jump.”

“Having my breasts and nipples caressed arouses me very much and can soon bring me off. I especially, like to have a man take one of my nipples into his mouth. I could and have spent much time having a man do that to me. Second to that is cunnilingus which arouses me about as much.”

“Having the area of my clitoris and vagina caressed makes me respond more than anything else. One way of doing that, which is difficult for a man to do, but which I get most pleasure from, is having that area caressed with the top of his penis. If he cannot do that, doing it with his tongue is just about as good.”

“Sixty-nine – mutual oral sex – arouses us both on more than anything else. Standing in the shower with the water and soap falling off us is great and also good clean fun.”

Although most women respond much more keenly than men to gentle stroking and almost require this type of preliminary play to become fully aroused, men also welcome this type of caress.

Remember the general principle that stroking with the whole hand generally proves exciting to both parties, while fingertip stroking usually excites the passive partner more than the active one.

Video – ways for a woman to orgasm

An example of what makes a woman come!

Krystyna is thirty-four, a Swede married to an Englishman, and lives in Sussex, England. She emails to say:

“We have a heated swimming pool, where we can swim naked all the year round. We often make love while we are swimming. It’s quite surprising the number of different things you can do.

Two positions that we use, each of which I find especially exciting and which give me fantastic orgasms. In one I lie on my tummy holding on to the steps, which are at the shallow end. When he kneels down in the water Max’s penis is exactly level with my vagina.

So he kneels between my legs and pushes into me, and then puts his hand round and parts my labia. He doesn’t touch my clitoris at all. Then we rock backwards and forwards, and the movement of the water over my clitoris is indescribable. It takes a long time for me to come off like this, because the build-up is slow.

As you know, a man who has control of his ejaculation and knows the art of lasting in bed is a man who most women would prefer as a lover. At least compared to a man who has no control and ejaculates prematurely before the woman is satisfied during sex.

Building up to orgasm may take more than a quarter of an hour, but all the time there are these superb sensations which slowly get more and more intense, until there is a huge burst, which makes me tremble like a leaf from fingertips to toes.

Max always holds out until I begin to tremble, then he brings himself to orgasm and the jerking of his penis inside me makes me tremble even more. The more I tremble, the more intense my sensations are. I have blacked out coming off like this, which I have never done when we make love in bed or anywhere else. Another way we do it is to go into deeper water, so that Max’s feet are firmly touching the bottom and his shoulders are above the water.

Then I climb on to his penis and put my legs round his waist, and cross my feet. When Max bends his knees and straightens them, his penis goes in and out of my vagina and as it does so, it makes the water flow under a kind of pressure between my labia and over my clitoris, and this is fantastic, too.

But most fantastic of all is when we do it at the water inlet. This is in the shallow end, and the water flows in very, very strongly. I face the inlet and hang, on to the sides, then with my knees apart I squat down until my vulva is exactly opposite the end about six or seven inches away. Max kneels behind me and comes into me.

The underwater jet forces my labia open and plays directly on my clitoris. This can lead to surprising events like female ejaculation. I never thought I was able to ejaculate but this has shown me that sexually I can do whatever I want! And the jet also hits the base of Max’s penis which doesn’t come in me, and joggles his balls about, which he finds very exciting. I always have seven or eight orgasms, and Max never fewer than two. His second one always takes longer than the first, which is why I have so many more orgasms than Max.

But once when Max was particularly randy he had three in about three minutes, and then had two more slower ones. I lost count of mine that time. We had to go and lie on the bed afterwards, we were completely exhausted. But it was a fantastic experience.

how to bring a woman to orgasm

How To Pleasure A Woman

Women’s sexual pleasure

One of the things that a lot of men seem to have great difficulty with is knowing how to please a woman successfully. This means knowing how to give her an orgasm during sex so she is sexually satisfied.

You need to be reasonably good at lovemaking, reasonably knowledgeable about sexual pleasure,  and prepared to take the time to find out what your partner wants. Then, it isn’t at all difficult to give a woman great sexual pleasure.

One of things to understand is the fundamental difference between men and women when it comes to sexual arousal. Women are far slower to arouse sexually than men, as a generality. They also need far more stimulation and foreplay to reach the level of arousal at which penetration becomes desirable to them.

So men must curb their impulses to penetrate and reach orgasm as quickly as possible. In fact, rapid sex is often a way in which men deprive themselves of sexual pleasure anyway. If you extend foreplay and withhold your own orgasm as a man, your orgasms will be much more powerful and enjoyable than if you do not.

Are you willing to engage in this form of sexual interplay? If you are, you and your partner can enjoy much more pleasurable sex. You’ll also enjoy much more sexual and orgasmic pleasure and satisfaction. So how to do it? Get some advice, maybe! Read about how to please a man in bed here and how to please a woman in bed here. There is a lot of information on this whole matter available on those two websites.

How to sexually please a woman in bed

The discipline lies in curbing your enthusiasm for penetration and ejaculation! The key to this lies in making sex last longer. You need to focus on the desire to satisfy please your partner, to please her sexually, to pleasure her in bed, to give a sexual fulfillment to her….

Many men are accustomed to taking their pleasure, with little thought perhaps of the woman’s pleasure. You need to change this sexual habit, and find out a way of actually engaging in sex that satisfies her as well as you!

The expression “women come first” is about a way of making love designed to achieve greater sexual pleasure and satisfaction for both men and women alike.

What it means is that if you’re aiming for maximum sexual pleasure as a couple, then ensure that the woman comes first. The man achieves his orgasm after his partner has enjoyed her orgasm.

When she has an orgasm first, her vagina will be lubricated, tumescent and warm. This is far more satisfying for a man and from the woman’s point of view, this is a pleasurable experience too. Her arousal decreases far more slowly than his. A man might want to end sexual contact after his ejaculation, but a woman is often happy to engage in further sexual contact with her partner after her orgasm.

So foreplay which is designed to arouse the woman (and maybe bring her to orgasm) can really help to establish a wonderful sexual relationship between the members of a couple.

Now obviously there are times when we all want a “quickie” – in other words, sex to satisfy an urge. This is very pleasurable, perhaps comes from a moment of passion, and satisfies us sexually. So the thing is, all kinds of sex are valuable provided they are done in a loving way. But this, well, this is a great way of satisfying a woman.

Physical Contact As An Essential Element of Every Successful Relationship

The body of every man and woman is well supplied with erogenous zones which, if properly caressed, bring full sexual arousal. Women’s chief erogenous zones are, in order of greatest sensitivity, the clitoris, the labia, and the vagina entrance.

Next come the nipples, but though the majority of women respond readily to stimulation of them by finger and thumb and the mouth (sucking or licking), there are far more women than is realized who find such attentions to the nipples off-putting by being irritating and sometimes downright painful. The equivalent areas on men’s bodies are the penis, testicles, nipples and scrotum. 

The other sensitive zones for both sexes are the insides and, to a less extent, the outsides of the upper thighs, the perineum, behind the knees, the lips and the inside of the mouth, the throat, the nape of the neck, behind the ears, the lobes, the length of the spine, the buttocks, the anus, and the navel.

There are not many parts of the surface of the body, then, that are not sexually responsive to caresses of one kind or another, principally with the fingers, lips, and tongue.

This being so, responses to physiological stimuli, at least via some of the sensitive zones, makes physiological response universal. And of course some arousal is entirely or principally psychological: this is particularly true of the woman’s caresses of the partner, which although physiological for him, have psychologically arousing properties for her.

Well, what does turn a woman on and make her come?

A good communication system between husband and wife brings far more satisfaction than anything else except good sex! But there are specific cases – for example – if she is anorgasmic, training the muscles of her pelvic floor will go a long way towards ending anorgasmia.

Ways to give a woman an orgasm

False beliefs that (may) spoil sex – and popular ways to make a woman come!

One false belief is that successful sex involves mutual orgasm. But as we know, a woman may have one or several orgasms before her husband ejaculates.

Another is that a woman will always come during intercourse by thrusting alone. In the absence of orgasm during intercourse, people have ended until quite recently to blame the man, saying that he did not know how to make love or else was a selfish character who did not care whether his wife was satisfied or not.

Truth is, for mutual assured pleasure, a woman needs to come before her man enters her. Many women (nearly 1 in 4 in our survey) invariably come from manual stimulation of the clitoris, and about half always come from cunnilingus.

how to bring a woman to orgasm, how to give a woman an orgasm, how to make a woman come

The Art Of Easy Orgasm For Women

Although this may seem like an extremely obvious thing to say, it might be something that you haven’t actually thought about: the quality of a sexual relationship can be measured by the number of orgasms and the frequency of intercourse you have. And this may directly control the level of sexual pleasure that you and your partner people enjoy.

So far, so good. That might not be such a surprising conclusion. But the research gets more interesting. It seems people who have a deeply satisfying sexual relationship (as measured by the criteria mentioned above) also have a good relationship in all other areas of their life. In fact, number of orgasms in the bedroom seems directly related to pleasure and harmony outside it.

This is because a good sexual relationship produces feelings of intimacy and connection which spill over into the relationship in general.

This means the partners are engaged with each other in a relationship that’s intimate and provides a sense of connection. And then they are much more likely to be working harmoniously together. They are also much more likely to be getting along without arguments. And they are much more likely to be regarding each other with affection.

So what’s the message for us all here? I think it’s very obvious:  if your sexual relationship isn’t working particularly well, you need to find ways to improve it.

How To Improve Your Relationship

Most sexual relationships between most couples in this country could be improved by enjoying more orgasms.

Regrettably it has become all too common for sexual relationships to serve as a vehicle for the man’s sexual satisfaction whilst the woman remains unsatisfied. That means she has fewer orgasms than her man, or at least she doesn’t orgasm on a regular basis.

Why? An interesting question indeed. The answer probably relates in the main to men’s attitude to sex and women’s desire to please (or to avoid upsetting) their man by being too “sexually demanding”.

It’s also possible there is a reflection of our patriarchal society in this dynamic. Men have controlled women’s sexuality in the Western world (and even more so elsewhere) for a very long time.

However, we are moving into a new era of enlightenment and education, and we must make efforts to ensure that sexual satisfaction is shared equally between the two people in a couple.

This means there needs to be some way of ensuring  women reach orgasm on a regular basis. When this happens, women can share  the sexual satisfaction and pleasure in the wider relationship. As I said, this has been shown to come from orgasmic satisfaction and pleasure.

How To Fix Your Relationship and Have More Orgasms

This website is aimed solely at getting women into a place of greater sexual pleasure, i.e. greater orgasmic frequency: https://www.womencomingwithjoy.com

It reviews the history of orgasms in relationships between men and women. It also thoroughly discusses how women can come to orgasm much more often. This gives them a lot of sexual pleasure they might not otherwise experience.

You may think there are only a few ways to bring a woman to orgasm. Of course in one sense you’d be correct: there is clitoral stimulation, vaginal stimulation, and, for the experts, G spot and cervical stimulation.

But that’s not the point I’m getting at! There are numerous ways in which a woman’s erogenous zones can be stimulated by a man to give a woman great orgasms and lots of sexual pleasure. The least successful of these, as you may know, is intercourse.

Very few women reach orgasm during intercourse. There are several reasons for this.

The first is that in general most women come through clitoral stimulation. But the clitoris receives very little stimulation during intercourse, unless the couple take the time and trouble to use the coital alignment technique (read about it here). This is specifically designed to provide clitoral stimulation.

The next problem is that men (in general) ejaculate so quickly that they aren’t able to provide enough stimulation to their woman. This means that even if she could reach an orgasm during intercourse with prolonged lovemaking, she doesn’t do so. (Men: discover ways to slow down ejaculation using the stop start technique here.)

It’s a controversial subject even now whether women have clitoral orgasms and vaginal orgasms. (They do.) But leaving that issue aside, it’s fair to say that most men’s quick ejaculation brings intercourse to an end long before a woman could have a chance of reaching orgasm even if she was able to.

Also, intercourse duration is very much determined by how long it takes the man to come (ejaculate). In other words, sex between heterosexual couples generally comes to an end when the man ejaculates. This is because most men lose interest in sex after they have ejaculated.

So the difference between men and women in terms of sexual arousal and satisfaction is considerable. A lot of women who reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation will then want vaginal penetration.

There’s a clear message here: if a man makes a woman come before he climaxes (however that is achieved), she will get pleasure. If he engages in intercourse, ejaculates, and then sex finishes, she will most likely not get pleasure. She will be unfulfilled and unsatisfied.

However, all of this knowledge is useless unless you know some techniques that can actually work for you as a couple. Techniques which will allow you to make a woman come and have pleasurable sex. Or even  orgasmic bliss!

So I suggest you have a look here: this is a repository of techniques for achieving sexual pleasure. It may not be  a complete account of how to bring a woman to orgasm, or how to make a woman come, but it’s certainly a big step in the right direction.

It covers many of the aspects of sexuality which men and women don’t really know so much about – even if they’ve been in a relationship for some time.

By the way, why don’t men and women discuss sex on a regular and intimate basis? Well, that’s another issue! What we can say with great confidence is this: when sex is going well, and providing a couple with satisfaction and pleasure, they’re much more likely to be able to talk about personally intimate issues. And then they are much more likely to have the means to resolve any difficulties.