Treatment For delayed Ejaculation Is Related to Cause
Treatment for delayed ejaculation depends on the cause of the problem.
1) For Physical Or Medical Issues
If a man’s delayed ejaculation is due to a side effect of medication, treatment may include changing the nature of the medication which he is taking.
Sometimes doctors look out for vascular or neuropathic damage, and other causes, such as spinal injury, which may be irreversible. Here, a man may have to find other ways of gaining sexual pleasure and satisfying his partner. If a man has low testosterone levels, he may need testosterone replacement therapy.
2) For Psychological Issues
Treatment Of Delayed Ejaculation
A combination of several approaches usually works well. But some attention to a couple’s relationship will almost always help a couple have better sex, no matter what the cause of the man’s ejaculatory problems.
For example, it might be helpful to increase a man’s confidence around sex, or to lessen his sense that he must be in control all the time during sex, thereby allowing him to give up the belief that he must work hard to please his partner during intercourse.
When he relaxes about sex, when he is able to give up control, when he is able to take as much pleasure during sex as he gives his partner, he will be much more likely to be able to ejaculate inside his partner without difficulty.
Often, a man who is experiencing slow arousal and a long delay before he ejaculates can reach orgasm during masturbation – and sometimes during foreplay – but not during intercourse.
One way of dealing with this is for the man concerned to try a series of progressive desensitization exercises: he may start by developing the ability to achieve climax in the presence of his partner when she is, let’s say, across the room, then gradually work his way nearer to her, until he can “come” just outside his partner’s vagina, and from there he can gradually develop the ability to release (i.e. ejaculate) inside her.
Another approach is sensate focus, a treatment which involves the couple working through a series of stages, starting with mutual touching and gradually moving on to mutual masturbation and penetrative vaginal sex.
All of these approaches to treating ejaculatory dysfunction are described in a simple and comprehensive way on this website, with clear instructions which will allow you to follow the treatment regime yourselves and develop full ability to enjoy intercourse. See the treatment program advertised at the top of the right hand column of this page….
Stimulation Techniques For Slow Ejaculation
Since sex can be so pleasurable, common sense tells us that men who are unable to ejaculate during sex must have either a high threshold for sexual arousal (perhaps due to fear or some other emotion) or require exceptional levels of stimulation during sex and masturbation to trigger their ejaculatory reflex.
But delayed ejaculation is involuntary and mostly unconscious, so the reasons why there are problems with ejaculation may not be obvious at first. As with other sexual dysfunctions, the objective of retarded ejaculation treatment is to achieve normal sexual functioning. Often, the main aim is to eliminate the need for high levels of sexual stimulation, so a man can ejaculate normally during sexual activity, with the natural levels of stimulation that couples give and receive during sex.
If a man is inhibited or over-controlled during sex, then desensitization will help to provide increased stimulation, reduce the man’s need for control, and reduce the impact of any fears or anxieties which inhibit his sexual arousal.
Sometimes these are unexpected – for example, some men have an aversion to the vagina. Desensitization treatment is designed to reduce a man’s need to be in control during sex and allow him to receive more sexual stimulation by being more relaxed and responsive….
This technique depends on two basic ideas: that desensitization can help a man to feel less anxious in situations which he previously found threatening, and that extra conscious awareness of what turns him on can increase his arousal and permit him to relax into his sensual nature.
Of course these two techniques go hand in hand. Together the two components offer an effective treatment.
Desensitization
Before a program of desensitization can be applied in the treatment of delays in ejaculating, it’s helpful to know what is causing this sexual dysfunction in the first place.
This information is the starting point to design a series of behaviors, each of which is less anxiety provoking than the previous one because of the adaptation which has gone before it.
Cognitive-Behavioral Interventions
Two factors involved in causing delayed ejaculation are high-frequency harsh masturbatory techniques and the way a man may have an inner world of fantasy which is very different to the outward form of his sexual behavior with his partner.
To overcome this, he can learn to take his masturbation fantasies into his sexual relationship, which will help to reduce feelings of guilt and bring his inner and outer sexual behavior more in line.
Sex Therapy
In a 1997 review of treatment methods for delayed ejaculation, Heiman and Meston came to the conclusion that there were so few controlled studies of treating delayed ejaculation that it was impossible to work out if any treatments were really effective!
This can reassure men who have DE, and the therapists who work with them, that a cure is not only possible but actually rather easily achieved – and you can overcome it at home, resolving the problem on your own or with your partner.
Most men ejaculate far too quickly, but as you will know if you have DE, this condition means that lovemaking goes on and on and on …..often for so long that a woman becomes bored, sore and frustrated, while the man become angry, shamed and anxious about his inability to satisfy his partner and ejaculate during lovemaking.
A Problem With Delayed Ejaculation
One man treated for delayed ejaculation explained in his own words:
I am unable to ejaculate during sexual intercourse as my wife and I make love. A little bit about my history with this problem might help you understand and help me better. I am 36 years old and have been married a little over 3 years. I was a virgin when I was married and have never achieved orgasm and have always been unable to ejaculate during our lovemaking without masturbating myself to do so and then release inside of her.
I was raised with a “religious moral” mindset and my family almost never talked about sex and when they did it was negative, as in “you are too young to know about that”, “it’s wrong (until you’re married)”, “it’s something we don’t talk about”. So my earliest memories of sex after being told what it was by an older brother were that it was bad and that I shouldn’t even know about it – but I did!
I had an early fascination with masturbation (pre-puberty) and self exploration which may or may not be “normal” – I masturbated often as a teenager, however, I never was able to achieve an orgasm (except in occasional wet dreams) and I was unable to ejaculate during masturbation until I was 23 years old.
My sexual fantasies during my teen years were heterosexual yet I also felt drawn toward the masculine, mostly because I never had strong male friendships and was not good at sports and I envied other guys of a certain stereotype of the masculine.
I dated in high school and college, yet never got very physically intimate with my girlfriends because I feared that I wouldn’t be able to ejaculate, and indeed, until my sophomore year of college I never penetrated my girlfriend.
Needless to say I did not ejaculate – I simply could not come inside a woman during sex. I was a boyfriend with a complete failure to ejaculate during mutual masturbation, oral sex or intercourse. Not much of a boyfriend, really, and I think it was around then that I gave up the idea of ever being a husband and father.
I viewed pornography in my senior year of high school and how I wished it was me that was ejaculating with those porn stars! During the time I used porn, I realized the addictive potential of this and gave it up, but the sexual fantasies I read stayed in my mind, and I also began writing my own sex fantasies to masturbate to – they were full of boyfriends shafting women and ejaculating all over them, but not, interestingly, inside them during sex.
Soon after I left college I married. This was, naturally, a mistake. I guess I thought my difficulties with sex would end in a relationship, but they didn’t.
After a while, however, when I grew to trust my partner, and I found I could ejaculate on a woman’s body, albeit by masturbating myself. I feel ashamed that I am a husband unable to ejaculate during lovemaking.
I must emphasize I have not had trouble coming when in the company of a woman, but it remains impossible for me to achieve orgasm.
Sometimes I have to use heavy duty fantasy to reach orgasm, and this makes me feel bad too, because when I’m off exploring fantasy in my head it isn’t as though I have a real relationship with my partner during sex.
When I married I did not expect to have the difficulty with ejaculating in sex that I am now having.
My wife is a very sexual woman and I love her deeply. She was a virgin when we were married and so we have learned together. She has been very supportive of my delayed ejaculation, and loving toward me through this in ways I never could have imagined.
I do not have problems being sexually aroused by her although I am more aroused by physical touch than visual. I do find her body attractive and sexy and enjoy sexual intercourse with her despite the fact that I have not achieved release inside her the natural way.
It has been better at times than other times. Sometimes I feel more stimulation than other times. A number of times it has been very intense to the point that orgasm felt inevitable yet I was still completely unable to reach a normal ejaculation.
Sex sometimes ended with me being exhausted and unable to take the extremely pleasurable sensations on my penis any longer. Usually it feels very good but not quite to that level. And sometimes I don’t feel very much arousal at all.
I have gone through counseling on my own, although it was not a sex therapist. We have had a few counseling sessions with a sex therapist together, although didn’t feel that he was very helpful. He did not have specific exercises for us to try as your method describes…..
Is it possible I require a higher degree of sexual stimulation than most men? I think it might also be my subconscious mindset that is the problem. However, I have taken great strides and believe that my views on sex have drastically altered. I am much less inhibited than I was.
I love my wife and we want to be “one together” with me getting over this problem of being unable to ejaculate inside her. We do have a two year old as a result of masturbating to the point of orgasm and me then releasing my semen inside her. She has been able to masturbate me to orgasm although this takes a very long time and usually results in frustration for both of us.
So when we have intercourse I either masturbate myself to orgasm or I don’t have one. I have pretty much given up masturbating on my own apart from being together with my wife, thinking that it will help to solely focus on her when I do it.
Occasionally I will still masturbate and occasionally slip into old sexual fantasies, maybe a couple times a year. Usually when I have masturbated I focus on my own body, I like to watch myself, etc. So now when I am with her I masturbate focusing on her and her body and being with her and the desire I have to ejaculate inside her without any delay in ejaculation.
She has been very supportive as I have mentioned, but it is having an effect on both of us after three years. Other aspects of our marriage are fine and we get along great and are best friends. Sometimes we are able to enjoy lovemaking for what it is without me having an orgasm and other times we are left frustrated from trying.
She is often able to achieve orgasm from my thrusting in her vagina which is pleasurable for both of us.
I have always felt very free being naked with her without any degree of shame whatsoever. I love being naked with her and holding her close since we have been married. We are both healthy and in decent shape, not overweight or any other physical concerns or limitations. My wife and I have tried reading the science of delayed ejaculation but now know we need help.