In the majority of surveys, starting with the work by Shere Hite in 1976, one finding occurs consistently: a substantial majority of women require stimulation of the clitoris before they reach orgasm.
So what do you do if you’re trying to make a woman come?
Even that assertion, a simple factual observation, can raise controversial conclusions, since some experts believe that only when the G spot has been awakened by sexual experience or emotional connection to the partner can a man make a woman come through vaginal stimulation alone.
Certainly there is an abundance of circumstantial evidence which suggests that there is some fundamental difference in origin and experience between sexual climax that’s achieved by clitoral stimulation compared to one achieved by stimulation of the vagina alone.
Even now, after all the work that has been conducted on the experience of orgasm, it’s not understood why orgasm produces such intense pleasure. This reflects the difficulty of associating subjective experiences such as orgasmic pleasure with neurophysiological events inside the brain.
Yet it is a good motivation for men and women to seek sexual interactions and mutual pleasure…. and certainly female orgasm is a good motivation for a man to learn how to make a woman come!
Certainly the production of endorphins in the brain has been implicated in the excitement and pleasure of the orgasmic experience.
There is however a major difference between men and women in terms of the return of the various physiological aspects of the body to normality after sexual climax.
The refractory period, that is to say the period after orgasm during which an individual remains unresponsive to further sexual stimulation, is much longer in a man than a woman. Indeed it’s not uncommon to find that a woman can experience repeated – or multiple – orgasms in a short period.
This doesn’t mean that women don’t have a refractory period; rather, it means we just don’t know what it might be or what it might look like. Kinsey reported that only 14% of the women in his research were capable of multiple climax on a regular basis. And men can learn how to make a woman come on a regular basis.
But although there may be many women who have not achieved their full potential in this area, the research has simply not been conducted to understand exactly how many women are capable of multiple orgasm, nor indeed how many would wish to experience them, nor has there been any investigation of the conditions under which this phenomenon might be achieved.
Female ejaculation during orgasm
Some women are worried by a tendency to release fluid during orgasm, often assuming that the fluid is urine. However, analysis of the fluid suggests that it contains chemical compounds which are reminiscent of prostate secretions in men.
Women who undergo the experience of female ejaculation, as men who learn how to bring a woman off, how to make her come, in this way, will well know, appear to develop a swelling in the anterior vaginal wall close to the area of the G spot which disappears when ejaculations taken place.
This swelling seems to be caused by the fluid collecting in the urethra at that point, before it is expelled from the body during sexual arousal.
Here’s our favorite sex educator, Laci Green, on How To Make A Woman Come:
Although there is considerable variability between different women in the degree to which they have paraurethral ducts around the urethra, it may well be that the fluid secreted by these ducts and the associated glands is the one that can be expelled during “female ejaculation”.
This is a process that appears to be similar to the ejection of semen from the body after the emission phase of sexual response (when semen is released into the urethra before expulsion) in men.
The function of a woman’s orgasm
Although one obvious function of male orgasm might be to encourage mating, with the consequent ejaculation of semen, it’s not quite so clear what the function of orgasm in women might be.
Suggestions include the simple emotional reward of pleasure “for” allowing sexual intercourse to take place, the resolution of vaginal tenting (ballooning of the vagina during orgasm) which allows the cervix to dip down into the pool of semen left in the vagina after ejaculation.
And also, it seems, stimulation of the man’s penis so that he ejaculates because of the stimulation of the vaginal contractions on his glans and penile shaft. Other ideas include the reinforcement of pair bonding, and the upsuck of semen into the uterus.
The problem with these explanations is that very few women experience orgasm as a result of sexual intercourse alone. This makes it difficult to explain how female orgasm came to evolve if it was a reward for allowing intercourse to occur!
But in the end does it matter? We know what orgasm feels like, and we know it bonds a couple closely. Maybe all we need to know is that it is wonderful to know how to make a woman come!
It’s much more likely there is a potential for orgasm during intercourse, but the success of reproduction is by no means dependent on female orgasm, and nor is the female orgasm dependent on the experience of sexual intercourse.