Sex & Orgasms – Making A Woman Come

Would you like to see the easiest and best way to make a woman come? Give any woman massive orgasms easily?

Yes? Then simply read on, and we will show you how to make any woman orgasm easily and quickly!

We start by looking at the process of sexual arousal.

Sexual arousal is not just something that happens in the mind; it happens in the mind and the body together.  There’s a name for that process of arousal – the sexual response cycle.

This has four stages: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Each stage builds upon the last so long as the right kind of stimulation is applied at the right time and with the right intensity. And that will lead to an orgasm. So at its most basic, making a woman come is all about doing the right thing at the right time.

The Process Of Arousal:
The Female Sexual Response Cycle

Step 1 On The Road To Orgasm (Climax)

The sexual response cycle often begins with foreplay. This promotes sexual arousal.

As you know, foreplay can take many forms, ranging from simple loving look to a gentle touch, from a passionate kiss to a warm embrace, from gentle stroking of the skin to a vigorous massage. Most women need much more foreplay than men if they are to reach orgasm. That’s because foreplay is essential to promote desire.

Stimulation of the clitoris is a great way to bring a woman to orgasm!
Stimulation of her body, leading to gentle stimulation of her nipples or clitoris is a great way to arouse a woman before intercourse. It can also be a great way to bring her to orgasm before intercourse, as only a small percentage of women can reach orgasm through intercourse alone.

Whatever from foreplay takes, if a woman is responsive, stimulation, some changes will take place in her body which signal her growing sexual arousal.

These changes include an increased flow of blood to her genitals, with some engorgement of the erectile tissue of the clitoris, vulva and labia. At the same time her skin becomes more sensitive to touch.

Her breasts swell in size and her nipples become more sensitive to stimulation. But since the nipples are very sensitive anyway, an aggressive touch may not be pleasant, so men- beware of being too firm, too soon!

If you are aiming to take a woman to orgasm, or force her to come with you on a sexual journey, make sure you touch her lightly. The best approach is to check what she actually wants, so ask her how she likes to be touched! 

For some women, it is not the destination (orgasm) but the journey (arousal, foreplay, intimacy) which is most exciting.

And perhaps the most obvious sign of her bodily arousal is production of vaginal lubrication, sometimes in large quantities, so much so that she may feel the wetness growing and seeping outwards into her underwear. This is often accompanied by a sense of warmth. And in this first stage of arousal, her clitoris begins to swell with  blood and becomes more prominent. (A process called “engorgement”. Not a very sexy word!)

Massage is a great way to arouse most women, so to help you in your quest to make a woman come, here’s a video on a sensual orgasm massage technique!

Step 2: Sexual Arousal

As sexual stimulation continues, muscle tension increases throughout a woman’s body: this tension will eventually  be released at the moment of climax.

Her rate of breathing increases, her blood pressure goes up, and her heart beats faster. As she becomes aroused, the man may also find his arousal mirroring hers. If he is aiming to manufacture her coming, he may have to control his own increasing arousal while she catches up with him: women generally take ten or twenty times as long to be fully aroused and ready for orgasm as men do.

Foreplay between man and woman.
Foreplay can be very enjoyable for both the man and the woman as it builds intimacy and ensures a woman is aroused enough to achieve orgasm. However, it does require restraint and self-discipline on the part of the man, who may need to delay his own need for sexual pleasure until his partner has had her orgasm.

What this means, in practice, is that a woman may need between twenty and thirty minutes of foreplay before she is ready to achieve orgasm.

Now, a lot of men think that they can simply kiss a woman a little, perhaps fondle her breasts for a few minutes, maybe twiddle her clitoris, and she’ll be ready for penetration. This is really selfish. A woman needs time. And even when she’s ready for penetration and her body is ready to take her to orgasm, there’s another issue. Many women – in fact the vast majority – will not be able to reach orgasm through penetration and intercourse alone. Most need additional clitoral stimulation to come.

Obviously, for men who are fortunate enough to be with a woman who can come during intercourse, this is not relevant. But for the rest of us, there’s a great strategy which comes highly recommended for achieving both male and female sexual pleasure. Ready? Here it is:

Give your woman an orgasm by orally pleasuring her, or by pleasuring her with a sex toy such as a vibrator, or by using your fingers, before you enter her.  She’ll really like this approach to lovemaking because it shows you know how important it is to give her pleasure (an orgasm) before you take your own pleasure.

100 Orgasms A Day – See It To Believe It!

There will be also be changes to her vagina, with the entrance tightening slightly and the inner parts ballooning and increasing in length.

As she becomes more aroused, her clitoris becomes larger and goes through a number of changes that cause the angle of the clitoral body to change. Such changes are useful signs for a man aiming to make a woman come quickly and easily – they can be the clues to what to do next in the process of sexual arousal.

It is at this point that the G-spot changes in texture from rough to smooth, a change which some people believe is caused by swelling of part of the clitoris, causing it to lie more closely on top of the vaginal wall.

You can see the location of these parts on this picture:

diagram of female sexual anatomy

Diagram showing the location of a woman’s sexual pleasure spots, including the G spot

The clitoral glans usually disappears beneath its hood and remains there until the point of climax or orgasm unless exposed by pulling the skin back.

At the same time a woman’s uterus shifts upwards so as to allow the vagina to expand lengthwise, thereby allowing the penis to thrust more deeply.

Unless the clitoris is stimulated during sex, a woman is unlikely to climax during sexual intercourse. That is true whether she is stimulating herself or a man is trying to make her come during partnered sexual activity.

picture of the clitoris showing the clitoral hood
Two important things to note: the location of the clitoral hood, which may cover the glans of the clitoris as a woman becomes more aroused. Also, the vaginal opening is well away from the area of the clitoris, which is why many women who can only reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation, will not receive enough stimulation during intercourse to make them come. A better way to give a woman pleasure may be to take her to orgasm before you enter her.

Step 3: The Plateau Phase – Making A Woman Come

In the plateau phase (see diagram above) a woman is highly aroused, both physically and mentally, and she can remain in that state for some time without reaching orgasm unless additional stimulation is applied to take her over into the orgasm phase.

During the plateau phase she may experience a skin flush, deeper breathing and a higher heart rate; certainly her genitals will change color, as her labia become flushed with blood and her vaginal tissues swell.

As mentioned above, with additional stimulation a woman will move from the plateau phase into orgasm. 

It’s often the transition from the plateau phase into  orgasm which presents most difficulties for a woman when she is trying to have an orgasm. (Read more about difficulties with orgasm for women here.)

Men, when trying to make a woman come, and familiar with the way in which they stimulate their own penis during masturbation, will often apply much more vigorous and rapid stimulation to a woman’s clitoris at this point.

While it’s certainly true there is a point where a woman may need this additional stimulation to reach orgasm, it has to be timed to perfection, otherwise a woman is likely to feel her climax slipping away from her.

Woman reaching the point of orgasm during intercourse
Few men know how to make a woman come  during intercourse without additional stimulation of her clitoris. But as you can see above, it is possible.

What most women want and need to reach orgasm is rhythmic regular stimulation at the right pressure, until the very last moment, and then some additional pressure or faster stimulation to tip her over the edge.

The climax itself involves a series of contractions of the muscles of the vaginal walls, the uterus, and the pelvic floor muscles.  These contract rhythmically at just under one second intervals.

All of these contractions are accompanied by a great sensation of pleasure and, in some women, the emission of a small amount of fluid from the vagina – a sort of female ejaculation, a process captured on video many times, and is a real phenomenon.

The number of contractions a woman experiences when coming generally ranges between three and fifteen, although a few  women can experience much more prolonged contractions.

And some women experience their orgasms as a whole body sensation rather than just a pleasurable feeling in their genitals. So there are no rules – and it’s probably safe to say that all women’s experiences of climax are different – both between different women and in the same woman over time.

One thing I have come across many times in my work with couples is the woman wishing that her man could last longer during intercourse before he ejaculates.

This is a real issue, because in my experience, few men really seem to know what to do if they come before their woman would like them to do so. Often men want to last longer in bed but just don’t know how to do so. So, I have a suggestion! Take a look at the website www.massivestayingpower.com This may be helpful for you as a man if you wish to make love for longer before you come.

Step 4 : The Resolution Phase

A woman’s body returns to her pre-aroused state. 

arousalThis process happens much more slowly in women than men.

Indeed, women can often have another orgasm soon after their first; which is distinctly different to men, who have a refractory period, during which it is impossible for them to become sexually aroused again.

This is the kind of information that a man trying to make a woman come needs to know – for example, it is often a better idea for him to give her an orgasm before entering her and enjoying his own orgasm.

Why do men want to sleep after orgasm and women to cuddle?

It’s down to the hormones we produce – after she’s had an orgasm during sex a woman is much more likely to want a period of cuddling and interaction; after his orgasm, a man is likely to want to sleep.

What Does Sexual Satisfaction Mean to You?

Sexual Satisfaction

I guess most men would say that sexual satisfaction is defined by whether or not they have an orgasm – and perhaps by the power and intensity of that orgasm.

And I would guess men think that knowing how to give a woman an orgasm is a vital part of sexual satisfaction.

But would the same be true for women? Do they think that knowing how to give a man an orgasm is satisfying?

And as a man, making love to women, did you ever stop to consider what might make sex satisfying for your partner?

In another post on this blog you can read some things about women’s attitudes to sex which you might surprise you. Did you know, for example, about the “orgasm gap” between men and women?

Understanding Meaning

To investigate what people mean when they talk about “sexual satisfaction”, Sara I McClelland of the University of Michigan asked 40 US participants a series of questions to determine their satisfaction on various aspects of sex including their emotions, the quality of the relationship, and how focused they were on their partner as opposed to how focused they were on orgasm during sex. 

You see, it’s  all very well doing a piece of research and simply assuming you know what “sexual satisfaction” means, but unless you ask real people what they think it means, you might not be measuring anything real at all. 

Also, it’s pretty damn’ obvious that sexual experiences and relationships are inextricably linked to the cultural context in which they take place – for example, what’s acceptable in one society is far from acceptable in another society.

For example, knowing how to make a woman come by means of cunnilingus is commonplace in the west but some religions forbid this way of pleasing a woman in bed.

Pleasuring a woman in bed is easy
What she thinks of as satisfaction may be very different from what he thinks of as satisfaction!

Sexual Satisfaction Is Not Just About Giving A Woman An Orgasm

So, sexual satisfaction can definitely mean different things to different people. Even so, we all tend to assume that we know what it means (orgasmic pleasure or frequency, perhaps).

Indeed, studies which have been done in the past simply set out to establish the answers to questions such as “How sexually satisfied are you?” This question can become meaningless quite quickly. For one thing, as we’ve already mentioned, the socio-political culture influences what people think of as indicating sexual satisfaction.

What Makes You Satisfied?

 Previous work has shown that men define sexual satisfaction in relation to how often they have intercourse, as well as the difference between how often they want intercourse and how often they get it.

Women, by contrast, define sexual satisfaction in terms of how often intercourse happens, but beyond that, trust and mutual enjoyment are essential before a woman will feel that she’s enjoyed sexual satisfaction.

To put it bluntly, men’s sexual satisfaction tends to depend less on relationships and context, and more on the experience of orgasm, than women’s.

This is not to imply that emotional factors are completely absent from men’s sexual satisfaction, but it’s important to note that men regard the outcome of intercourse as more important, while women seem to regard the context of intercourse as a direct factor in sexual satisfaction.

And then you have lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and “questioning” men and women whose view of what constitutes sexual satisfaction may be different again.

At this point you might be forgiven for thinking that this was becoming an incredibly complicated question – and in fact you’d be right!

How to make a woman come in fifteen minutes
What does she mean by sexual satisfaction? That her partner knows how to make a woman come? Or that he actually does so?

But by asking participants in the study a number of different questions related to different aspects of sexual satisfaction, and then establishing which factors are correlated with each other, it becomes possible to analyze what people mean by “sexual satisfaction” (and, by implication, sexual pleasure).

We’ve already mentioned that men seem to be much more orgasm-oriented than women.

This does not mean women regard having an orgasm during partnered sex as unimportant, but it may suggest that women think the effort their male partner puts into making a woman come (or into giving a woman an orgasm) is more important that the orgasm itself.

The questions in this study covered a wide range of possible sexual behaviours, as well as the feelings that might come from them, and the experiences which a couple could have before they felt sexually satisfied.

She also interviewed the participants so as to establish what helped them to distinguish satisfactory and unsatisfactory sexual experiences.

What did all this demonstrate?

First of all, for men, feeling masculine as a result of their sexual experience was very important.

In addition there were a number of specific emotional experiences which provided men with sexual satisfaction – these included feeling safe, letting one’s guard down, and trusting a partner. Being able to “let go” involved exploring aspects of sexual behaviour which might not be or feel safe in other situations – such as eroticized aggression.

For women, emotional closeness and trust as well as sex within a monogamous relationship were important to feel sexual satisfaction. Women also wanted to feel “merged” with a partner – another aspect of relational closeness. 

Another quality emphasized by women was that “feeling close” to a man was important, and the way they saw it, the closest they could get to a man was to feel him inside them. (So they might be less concerned about your ability to give a woman an orgasm than you thought…..)

When it comes to feelings of emotional closeness, women often report that their orgasm is less important than the man’s orgasm. And many women say that having an orgasm is not at all important for them to feel sexually satisfied.

(How interesting to read this,  in the light of another article on this blog which talks about the orgasm gap between men and women.)

The Same Old, Same Old

There’s another factor for the men here:  the importance of “giving a woman an orgasm”. The research showed it’s important for men to feel they’ve pleased their partner by giving a woman an orgasm or making a woman come.

Among the women, making sure that the man they were with was satisfied seemed to be important to their sense of sexual satisfaction.

To sum up this aspect of the research, men are happy to give a woman an orgasm, and they experience this as increasing their own sexual satisfaction (they speak of an increase in energy or an emotional payoff).

Women, however, especially young women, tend to describe partner satisfaction (specifically giving a partner an orgasm) as a key part of their own sexual satisfaction.

It’s hardly surprising that both men and women get some reinforcement of their sense of masculinity and femininity from prescribed sex roles, because nature evolved us this to be that way.

Video – Sexual intelligence

What’s slightly more surprising is the degree to which women get satisfaction from giving their partner an orgasm, rather than enjoying one themselves.

This may be something to do with sexual maturity, because the tendency was more marked in younger women than in older women.

However, with a clear understanding of gender differences, researchers can move ahead knowing what people mean when they talk about sexual satisfaction.

A final important note:  there is increasingly marked criticism of our sexual mores by feminist researchers who say that orgasm plays a role in maintaining patriarchal privilege in heterosexual relationships.

As an example of this from the study above, one man who was in a relationship said that if his partner had an orgasm he would feel “like he’d done his job.”

This is an interesting indication of how orgasm has become a kind of commodity within a relationship rather than a means to sexual satisfaction in its own right.

To sum it all up, what constitutes sexual satisfaction is as variable as individuals themselves.

For some, orgasm is an important component of sexual satisfaction; for others it is not.

Unsurprisingly, emotional closeness and emotional satisfaction tends to feature more in the sexual satisfaction of women than men.

A reinforcement in an individual’s sense of masculinity or femininity is also associated with sexual satisfaction.

And emotional closeness is both a route to satisfying sex and an outcome of satisfying sex. Perhaps this is hardly surprising when you consider how a woman has to be relaxed and trusting of her partner to be able to enter a space where the man knows how to give a woman an orgasm.

Last but not least, the research demonstrated the importance of the context of satisfaction as opposed to the simple measure of how much or how often someone is sexually “satisfied”.

How To Make Her Come – Quickly!

Whether or not you take a slow approach to lovemaking, with long foreplay leading to a delicious, leisurely climax for your woman, or master the art of giving her an orgasm in 15 minutes, you’ll certainly be her sexual hero!

The Art Of Quick Orgasm

And whether this falls within your experience or not, it can be done!

In fact, the Kinsey Institute has discovered that most women can orgasm after 20 minutes of sex. By the way, it’s also been demonstrated that a woman who can come easily and quickly wants more sex, more often. 

Since you’re the one who’s going to be making her come, think of it as “on-the-job” benefits!

So how can you achieve this desirable objective?

An expert seducer and lover knows that foreplay doesn’t begin in the bedroom. It begins outside the bedroom, and it takes many forms: the unexpected kiss, the love note in her underwear drawer, the SMS from work, taking her unexpectedly out for a treat, showing your love for her, making her feel cherished and special…. you know the drill, men, because this was the kind of thing you did when you were trying to woo her and win her in the first place. (Remember those happy days?)

15 Minutes of Teasing

Way back in the 50s, a group called The Dominoes released a song called Sixty Minute Man which became remarkable for two reasons – one, it was one of the founding songs of the rock ‘n’ roll genre; and two, it was way ahead of its time. As Wikipedia says:

The recording used Bill Brown’s bass voice, rather than McPhatter’s tenor, as the lead. It featured the singer’s boasts of his sexual prowess, of being able to satisfy his girls with fifteen minutes each of kissing, teasing, and squeezing, before his climactic fifteen minutes of “blowing [his] top”.
The chorus was specific:
There’ll be fifteen minutes of kissin’
Then you’ll holler “Please don’t stop” (Don’t stop!)
There’ll be fifteen minutes of teasin’
Fifteen minutes of squeezin’
And fifteen minutes of blowin’ my top.

For our purposes here, the important thing is the lesson this song teaches you about the importance of kissing.

Of course you don’t have 60 minutes, since you’re trying to bring your woman to orgasm in 15 minutes, so you can’t spend the entire 15 minutes kissing. However,  the truth is, the longer you spend kissing, the more likely she is to be turned on – and for that matter, so are you.

Good kissing really makes a woman melt in your arms, and not only that, it also builds trust and produces lots of oxytocin – all of which can make her come more quickly.

How to make a woman come in fifteen minutes
You can give her a quick orgasm if you know how.

Now, the other thing you need to know is that kissing isn’t just about the lips (although, as an excellent lover, I’m sure you know that already).

You can kiss her neck, without overdoing it so much that her skin becomes desensitized.

And you can gently remove her clothes as you kiss her, which will not only arouse her but make her feel good when she’s naked – especially if you compliment her on each part of her body as you undress her.

Women look for men’s approval in many areas, especially around their appearance, so by reducing her self-consciousness with these compliments, you can turn her on even more.

The last thing to come off, of course, is her underwear. That old technique of gently stroking her sensitive areas through the fabric, rather than going straight for her genitals will help build her anticipation even more.

In fact, the slower you take it, and the less time pressure you feel, the more relaxed she’ll be, and the more she’s going to enjoy what you’re doing to her.

Make Her Excited, Make Her Orgasm

Such techniques will get her excited and will make her more sensitive, and this will arouse her even more.

Please her by making her come
Excitement you give her will also arouse you – this makes for truly great pleasure and fulfilling lovemaking.

You surely know the parts of your woman’s anatomy which you can stimulate to make her come quickly – and you’ll probably know the techniques necessary to give your partner an orgasm.

By this stage she’s probably aching for you to touch her genitals, and as you might know one of the quickest and best ways to give a woman an orgasm is cunnilingus.

(In case you’re not aware of it already, moving your fingers in a circular movement, very slowly, just inside her vagina, will be tantalizing and extremely arousing for her.)

If she’s in the mood for a little oral pleasure and you’re willing to provide it (and let’s face it, which man isn’t?) you can pull her labia apart to expose her clitoris, then lift up her clitoral hood gently with a finger, and lick across the base of the clitoral glans, which you’ll find on the upper side of her clitoris.

Although it’s often said – with a great deal of truth – that most women can’t come from vaginal thrusting during intercourse, the truth is that if a woman’s sufficiently aroused, it’s possible you can make her orgasm this way…..

…..there’s a much better chance of her coming from your thrusting during intercourse if she’s aroused before you star, – especially true if you’re using the coital alignment technique.

coital alignment technique
The coital alignment technique is well worth mastering as a route to easy female orgasm during lovemaking

Admittedly, knowing how to take a woman to orgasm with the clitoral alignment technique takes practice, but it’s well worth mastering this artful form of orgasmic stimulation.

If you’re not capable of focusing on the coital alignment technique, then thrusting into her with your penis (though not too deeply), so that you stimulate her G spot, while you simultaneously stimulate her clitoris with a finger or a sex toy, is almost certain to bring her off.

Clearly, the right sex position is essential to making a woman come – in this case, the rear entry position offers you the option of stimulating her G spot as you make love to her at the same time as gently pleasuring her clitoris with your fingers.

Consistency is everything, as you might have noticed with a woman, so when she responds positively to your stimulation, maintain the same speed and pressure until she reaches orgasm. or until you bring her to orgasm.

Bringing a woman to orgasm like this is a great technique, because it provides mutual pleasure, ensures she is sexually aroused, and most likely gives her the urge to make love more often – not to mention that it increases the chance of her coming !

How To Reach Orgasm – Easily!

According to Cosmopolitan magazine, which isn’t perhaps the most reliable source of information about sex on the planet, but certainly is one of the most popular, around 10% of women have never had an orgasm with a partner.

sex techniquesAnd that is truly shocking! Considering that the basis of all male-female relationships is love and sex, what can be done about it? Well, obviously, one of the things that can be done about it is for women to take matters into their own hands — and yes, I’m speaking quite literally — women can give themselves an orgasm. They can make themselves come.

So here, courtesy of Cosmo, are some hot tips for female orgasms.

First of all, if you want to come easily, get on top during sexual intercourse. That way, if you lean forward, you can compress your clitoris between your pelvic bone and your  mate’s, providing clitoral stimulation – and hopefully sufficiently intense to make you come. But the exact angle you’re going to use to climax quickly will depend on how your bodies come together — for example, how much of a tummy you’ve got (and how much he’s got!)

sex techniquesHowever, if the man is lying on the bed, it might be necessary for him to arch his back a little bit so that his pelvis is raised, giving you the opportunity to “grind” your clitoris against his pelvis. Hopefully that will make you come.

Now, one of the most important things to remember is that sex isn’t just about finding the right sexual position or technique. The truth of the matter is that women can become far more aroused than men during sex, and although it takes a different set of skills to arouse a woman to the point where she’s going to come than it does to arouse a man to that point. The interesting thing is that a man’s arousal depends to a large extent on how aroused the woman he’s with is….

sex techniquesTherefore, if you’re faking orgasm he’s gonna know it at some level, and he’s going to enjoy sex much less than he otherwise would.

Which means that faking it helps no-one, even if you’re doing it with the best intentions in the world (like, for example, not hurting his feelings!)

So the key to stopping faking orgasms is to not go through a process of suddenly admitting that you’ve been faking orgasm all the while, but to show your partner exactly what you need him to do to make you come as a woman. You can say something like “I want to try something new and see if it makes reaching orgasm easier for me as a woman.” He’ll understand that! Or you could invite him to masturbate you, showing him exactly where to put his hand or tongue, to make your orgasm easy.

Or, you could use the coital alignment technique. Watch this video.

Now, one of the interesting things here, of course, is that it’s the techniques you discover when you’re masturbating alone that you can use when you’re having sex with your partner.

If you’re a woman who doesn’t come during intercourse — and very few women do — one thing you can do is to explain to your partner that you like clitoral stimulation, and you want more of this especially during sex with him, to make it feel better for you.

Here are some great sex positions for making women orgasm…..

More on faking orgasms

One of the ways that you can introduce the subject tactfully without hurting his feelings (or shattering any illusions he has about his power to make you come during intercourse) is by suggesting you enjoy some mutual masturbation to get things moving.

Having said all that, you know as well as I do that part of your responsibility is to make it easier for yourself to reach orgasm — and so you’ve no doubt heard of Kegel exercises, and believe me, Kegel exercises are one of the things that will make reaching orgasm a heck of a lot easier! You do need resistance, though, it’s no use just contracting the muscle as if you were stopping yourself urinating.

That means buying something like the Kegel Master, a device specially designed for women to increase the strength of their PC muscles and hopefully make achieving orgasm easier for them.
Are already mentioned, one of the ideal sex positions for a woman to reach orgasm during intercourse is with her on top so that she can engineer the right clitoral stimulation she needs to achieve orgasm.

However – there are other approaches. In the classic missionary position, you can tilt your hips so that you’re directing his penis to the right spot inside your vagina — the “right spot” being the one most likely to make you come!

Alternatively, if he’s got big deal about making a woman come, you can grab hold of his hips and move him in exactly the way you want him to move so his cock stimulates your clitoris or vulva.

And while techniques are all very well, they are only part of the story. So, during sex, it’s always possible for you, or him, to “lend a helping hand”, in other words, for you or him to stimulate your clitoris, thereby helping yourself reach orgasm easily. Similarly, if you’re actually lying face down in the rather nice and comfy position that is called “reverse missionary”, then one option is view to grind your clitoris against a pillow or the bed itself.

The Elusive Female Orgasm

It’s Not Always Easy For A Man To Make A Woman Come!

Sometimes women can’t reach orgasm because of a poor body image (concept of one’s own body), particularly around genital issues.  And that even includes the changes they experience when they get aroused!

The importance of such body image distortions is not surprising in view of the fact seeing oneself as “normally” feminine is heavily implicated distorted attitudes about one’s body.

Laci Green On Fatness

human_bodyFreud spoke of fear about damage to the genital area, phallic envy, anxiety about vaginal penetration, and the holding unrealistic images about the nature of the vagina as things that could affect a girl’s ability to make her way successfully through her psychosexual development. That would also affect her ability to achieve orgasm.

Quite how these issues play out for a man wishing to make a woman come is not clear. But what is clear is that we need to look at the concept of “body image” in any discussion of the female orgasm.

A healthy individual’s identity and ego structure are founded upon body experiences. The first and primary core of self is the matrix of sensations linked with “my body.”

beautyFurther, the process of psychosexual development involves a series of stages during which energy is successively invested in different sectors of the body (oral, anal, genital) that correspondingly vary in their importance in the body scheme and their influence in coloring interpretations of the world.

Body image contributes substantially to relationship success, and in particular the ability of a woman to date successfully and enjoy sex to the full. It also has a significant relationship to her capacity to achieve orgasm (and so by implication to a man’s ability to make a woman come).

There are many internet programs which seek to help women in this regard, including Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever, which is reviewed here.

For men, it is probably more about emotional confidence or self-esteem that regulates his ability to date or to attract a woman and establish relationship.

Body Image

positive body imageClear evidence has accumulated that persons vary in the ways in which they integrate and interpret their body experiences and that, in turn, these adaptations affect their personality style.

For example, sexual arousal does not affect merely the sexual zones.

The whole body is involved… breathing, perspiration, vocalization and equilibrium sensations …. the ability to accept physiological changes is one of the Important prerequisites of sexual enjoyment.

Fear of such change is one of the greatest impediments to sexual functioning. So, of course, is the fear of the loss of relationship. And that may be why so many programs have offered remedies for broken relationships – not least Mike Fiore, whose program Text Your Ex Back is the primary resource for people trying to get back together with an ex-partner.

The effects of sexual arousal

An aroused person feels different all over their body. Expansions or distention in various body zones, not only in the genital area… and there are also changes in sensory acuity, throbbing of body parts, a temperature increase that suffuses over the body, muscle tension alterations, itching, sustained skin contact with another individual, and intense excitation emanating from mucous membranes.

As a man helps her come, or as she becomes more orgasmic, or as her level of arousal increases, a woman’s excited body is different to the body she knows most of the time from day to day.

It’s conceivable these changes may be frightening and therefore ultimately prevent the attainment of orgasm, either by herself or by a partner hoping to make his a woman come. 

But these distortions may, as appeal to another woman as being novel and enjoyably “different,” thereby facilitating orgasm. Indeed, as the internet has demonstrated, sexual perversions and novelty can be highly arousing and exciting, perhaps even forcing a woman to advance towards orgasm.

A lot of ideas have been put forward about body image and how it might render a woman vulnerable to being fear or shame or other negative emotions around sexual arousal.

A number of writers agree that fear of body penetration and of losing body boundaries causes sexual dysfunctions of one kind or another.

So if a woman thinks her body is too “open,” insufficiently protected, and incapable of resisting invasion, she may interpret sexual sensory experiences and the expectation of being entered by the penis in a negative way.

In other words, each individual woman needs to experience her body  as possessing a boundary which both delineates self-identity and serves as a protective shield against perceived dangers. Without an adequate boundary it becomes hard to distinguish between self and non-self. That can make sex threatening.

Explains all the best and easiest ways to make a woman come.