Category Archives: how to make a woman come

The Elusive Female Orgasm

It’s Not Always Easy For A Man To Make A Woman Come!

Sometimes women can’t reach orgasm because of a poor body image (concept of one’s own body), particularly around genital issues.  And that even includes the changes they experience when they get aroused!

The importance of such body image distortions is not surprising in view of the fact seeing oneself as “normally” feminine is heavily implicated distorted attitudes about one’s body.

Laci Green On Fatness

human_bodyFreud spoke of fear about damage to the genital area, phallic envy, anxiety about vaginal penetration, and the holding unrealistic images about the nature of the vagina as things that could affect a girl’s ability to make her way successfully through her psychosexual development. That would also affect her ability to achieve orgasm.

Quite how these issues play out for a man wishing to make a woman come is not clear. But what is clear is that we need to look at the concept of “body image” in any discussion of the female orgasm.

A healthy individual’s identity and ego structure are founded upon body experiences. The first and primary core of self is the matrix of sensations linked with “my body.”

beautyFurther, the process of psychosexual development involves a series of stages during which energy is successively invested in different sectors of the body (oral, anal, genital) that correspondingly vary in their importance in the body scheme and their influence in coloring interpretations of the world.

Body image contributes substantially to relationship success, and in particular the ability of a woman to date successfully and enjoy sex to the full. It also has a significant relationship to her capacity to achieve orgasm (and so by implication to a man’s ability to make a woman come).

There are many internet programs which seek to help women in this regard, including Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever, which is reviewed here.

For men, it is probably more about emotional confidence or self-esteem that regulates his ability to date or to attract a woman and establish relationship.

Body Image

positive body imageClear evidence has accumulated that persons vary in the ways in which they integrate and interpret their body experiences and that, in turn, these adaptations affect their personality style.

For example, sexual arousal does not affect merely the sexual zones.

The whole body is involved… breathing, perspiration, vocalization and equilibrium sensations …. the ability to accept physiological changes is one of the Important prerequisites of sexual enjoyment.

Fear of such change is one of the greatest impediments to sexual functioning. So, of course, is the fear of the loss of relationship. And that may be why so many programs have offered remedies for broken relationships – not least Mike Fiore, whose program Text Your Ex Back is the primary resource for people trying to get back together with an ex-partner.

The effects of sexual arousal

An aroused person feels different all over their body. Expansions or distention in various body zones, not only in the genital area… and there are also changes in sensory acuity, throbbing of body parts, a temperature increase that suffuses over the body, muscle tension alterations, itching, sustained skin contact with another individual, and intense excitation emanating from mucous membranes.

As a man helps her come, or as she becomes more orgasmic, or as her level of arousal increases, a woman’s excited body is different to the body she knows most of the time from day to day.

It’s conceivable these changes may be frightening and therefore ultimately prevent the attainment of orgasm, either by herself or by a partner hoping to make his a woman come. 

But these distortions may, as appeal to another woman as being novel and enjoyably “different,” thereby facilitating orgasm. Indeed, as the internet has demonstrated, sexual perversions and novelty can be highly arousing and exciting, perhaps even forcing a woman to advance towards orgasm.

A lot of ideas have been put forward about body image and how it might render a woman vulnerable to being fear or shame or other negative emotions around sexual arousal.

A number of writers agree that fear of body penetration and of losing body boundaries causes sexual dysfunctions of one kind or another.

So if a woman thinks her body is too “open,” insufficiently protected, and incapable of resisting invasion, she may interpret sexual sensory experiences and the expectation of being entered by the penis in a negative way.

In other words, each individual woman needs to experience her body  as possessing a boundary which both delineates self-identity and serves as a protective shield against perceived dangers. Without an adequate boundary it becomes hard to distinguish between self and non-self. That can make sex threatening.

Ways To Take A Woman To Orgasm

The success of sex: men knowing how to make women come!

Orgasm is a neurophysiological response which may have developed to allow orgasm and ejaculation in men but which remained as a potential response in women because there was no evolutionary reason why the neural pathways causing orgasm should be suppressed in the female of the species.

This isn’t merely a patriarchal view of the female orgasm, it’s a biological hypothesis which explains the presence of the orgasm rather in the way that evolutionary theory explains why evolution did not suppress the development of nipples in men.

The ease with which women achieve orgasm

This is clearly affected by a range of factors, including a variable genetic factor. And of course a social factor – how much she trusts her man will affect how easily he can make a woman come during sexual interaction.

statistics relating to female orgasmAlthough  work has been done on this, the research methodology was somewhat flawed, but in general it indicated that there is a genetic component of around 34% in the difficulty women have in reaching orgasm during intercourse, and 45% for any difficulty in reaching orgasm during masturbation.

Although this data is interesting, it’s not actually particularly helpful in understanding why women can’t reach orgasm and in offering them methods by which they can facilitate their achievement of sexual climax.

For example, the range of factors that impact on a woman’s ability to achieve orgasm or a man’s ability to make her come will include sociological factors such as the meaning and acceptability of orgasm in her culture and her social environment.

orgasm during intercourse may be important to many womenAnd we’ve already implied that some women feel more comfortable reaching orgasm during vaginal intercourse than through masturbation because of an association in their minds between clitoral stimulation or masturbation and unacceptable or otherwise negative behavior; it’s possible they even see it as a taboo activity.

Equally, any sexual activity which might threaten the intimacy of a sexual relationship could be potentially threatening for some women. It is not threatening, however, when a man knows how to make a woman come. She tends to approve of his investment in her sexual pleasure.

In addition, personality factors and the influence of religion are likely to be of major importance in the complexity of the variability of female orgasm capacity.

Needless to say, regarding women’s orgasm as a byproduct of human male embryonic development is contentious position, one that has been termed “politically incorrect”, if for no other reason than the fact that orgasm is an extremely important source of pleasure and a valued element of sexuality for many women, whether they come during intercourse or by a man making them come through masturbation.

Wanting a man who knows how to make a woman come?

In a survey of women in heterosexual relationships, Bancroft asked them how important various factors were to their beiug able to reach orgasm and sexual happiness. In order of importance, the percentage of women answering “very” or “extremely” important to the following questions were:

1) to feel emotionally close to your partner – 83.5%

2) to feel your partner is sexually satisfied – 78.9%

3) to feel talking comfortable but your partner about – 61.5%

4) to have an orgasm – 29.6%

shows how a man can make a woman come during intercourseThis clearly indicates that sex and orgasm has a different significance to women than it does to men, although again one has to ask to what extent woman’s limited expectation of orgasm is determined by socio-cultural factors. One woman will see orgasm as a very different objective to sexual satisfaction, another may want her man to make her come at every opportunity and may think sex disappointing if this does not happen.

Frequency of orgasm

Kinsey defined total sexual outlet in men as orgasm and ejaculation combined, regardless of what sort of stimulation produced it. On this basis he found that 2.1% of his male research subjects had a zero frequency of sexual outlet.

There is no data available about how many women fail to reach orgasm because of body image issues such as being overweight, and the attendant shame and embarrassment they feel about this.

However, the number of women who are dieting strongly suggests that a high proportion of women feel they are overweight and would like an effective 12 week diet plan to help them lose the excess pounds.

Among men who are sexually active, 72% claim that they always had an orgasm to climax and ejaculated during sex with a partner, 21.8% said they usually did, 3.7% said they sometimes did, and 2.6% said they rarely or never did.

This latter figure presumably represents the percentage of men who, at the time, were prepared to admit to having, or were identified as having, delayed ejaculation.

In a French research project in 1994 a group of men reported that they achieved orgasm most easily through vaginal penetration, while 47% of men said they always came that way and 49% said they came “rather easily” that way.

Interestingly enough, during masturbation by their partner, the percentages of men who always came were 22% and who “rather easily” came was 53%: the comparative figures for achieving ejaculation by fellatio are 22% and 43% respectively. The figures for the proportion of men who were able to make a woman come is not given, unfortunately.