Making A Woman Come

Orgasm in women is, of course, a rather complex story.

We know that women vary considerably in the type of stimulation that is required to bring them to orgasm, and we’ve  already observed that many do not experience this pleasure through vaginal penetration.

When combined with the fact that women actually have a much more variable capacity to achieve orgasm during sexual activity than men, you’d expect the percentage of men and women reaching orgasm during sex to be very different. And, unsurprisingly, they are.

Lloyd scrutinized the literature reports on women’s orgasmic experience and summarized data from 32 research projects.

Unfortunately, as is so often the case with research into sexuality, many of these studies were poorly conducted with ill-defined terms in the research or unrepresentative samples of women. They certainly weren’t directed towards a study of how easy women find it to reach orgasm with a man who knows how to make them come!

However, using the best judgment possible in the circumstances, the proportion of women who report always experiencing orgasm during intercourse is 25.3%. The women who “sometimes” or “rarely” did so during intercourse is 19.7%.

Video on how to cause female ejaculation

Similarly, Lloyd found that the percentage of women who never come  (i.e. NEVER reach orgasm) during their lifetimes was reported as between 5 to 10% in a number of different studies. This broadly matches the figure of 10% in Kinsey’s pioneering research in 1953.

When you consider all kinds of stimulation during a sexual act with a partner, studies have demonstrated that around 27% of women say they will always achieve climax, 41.3% say they usually do so, 21.6% say they achieve it “sometimes”, and 10% say they do so rarely or never.

If this covers any kind of sexual activity with a partner it is incompatible with the research reported above, because this revealed that women claim to experience orgasm during intercourse 25.3% of the times they have it.

What we know is that it is definitely a good idea for a man to know how to make a woman come.

This aids sexual pleasure and satisfaction all round!

Intuitively it’s extremely improbable that only 2% of orgasms experienced by women during any kind of sexual interaction is accounted for by activities other than sexual intercourse.

This seems to imply that the real figure of women who are able to achieve orgasm during intercourse is much lower than 25%, and that would be broadly in line with our own unscientific research projects and informal e-mail enquiries that we’ve had from women on our websites over the years.

Broadly speaking, we would estimate that no more than 15%, and possibly as few as 10% or even 5% of women achieve orgasm on a regular basis during sexual intercourse. Men simply don’t make women come during sex by vaginal thrusting alone…. not usually, anyway.

There is certainly a widespread recognition in research projects that the cultural environment suggests that people are more sexually active than they actually are, and it may be that the over-reporting of orgasm during intercourse is a reflection of this cultural bias. Though of course it may be a sign of men’s deep desire to demonstrate that they know how to make a woman come!!!

Making A Woman Come Clitorally vs Vaginally

Nonetheless an important question arises: how important is orgasm is for women, and for men?

In a research project conducted in 1994, 49% of men agreed with the statement that “sex without orgasm or climax cannot be really satisfying for men” and 34% disagreed. In response to the same question 43% of women agreed and 29% disagreed. Interestingly, when the same statement was made for a woman,  29% of women agreed, and 50% disagreed, while 37% of men agreed and 35% disagreed. I think these figures reflect the importance that men attach to being able to make a woman come. 

This clearly emphasizes the different importance which men and women apply to orgasm during sex. In a more recent survey of women in heterosexual relationships by Bancroft, it was discovered that the frequency of orgasm which women experience during sexual activity with their partners did not have any correlation with how the women evaluated the success of their sexual relationship or indeed their own sexuality.

When asked how important it was to their sexual happiness to have an orgasm, or for a man to bring them to orgasm, only 29.6% of the women said it was important or extremely important.

 

Ways To Take A Woman To Orgasm

The success of sex: men knowing how to make women come!

Orgasm is a neurophysiological response which may have developed to allow orgasm and ejaculation in men but which remained as a potential response in women because there was no evolutionary reason why the neural pathways causing orgasm should be suppressed in the female of the species.

This isn’t merely a patriarchal view of the female orgasm, it’s a biological hypothesis which explains the presence of the orgasm rather in the way that evolutionary theory explains why evolution did not suppress the development of nipples in men.

The ease with which women achieve orgasm

This is clearly affected by a range of factors, including a variable genetic factor. And of course a social factor – how much she trusts her man will affect how easily he can make a woman come during sexual interaction.

statistics relating to female orgasmAlthough  work has been done on this, the research methodology was somewhat flawed, but in general it indicated that there is a genetic component of around 34% in the difficulty women have in reaching orgasm during intercourse, and 45% for any difficulty in reaching orgasm during masturbation.

Although this data is interesting, it’s not actually particularly helpful in understanding why women can’t reach orgasm and in offering them methods by which they can facilitate their achievement of sexual climax.

For example, the range of factors that impact on a woman’s ability to achieve orgasm or a man’s ability to make her come will include sociological factors such as the meaning and acceptability of orgasm in her culture and her social environment.

orgasm during intercourse may be important to many womenAnd we’ve already implied that some women feel more comfortable reaching orgasm during vaginal intercourse than through masturbation because of an association in their minds between clitoral stimulation or masturbation and unacceptable or otherwise negative behavior; it’s possible they even see it as a taboo activity.

Equally, any sexual activity which might threaten the intimacy of a sexual relationship could be potentially threatening for some women. It is not threatening, however, when a man knows how to make a woman come. She tends to approve of his investment in her sexual pleasure.

In addition, personality factors and the influence of religion are likely to be of major importance in the complexity of the variability of female orgasm capacity.

Needless to say, regarding women’s orgasm as a byproduct of human male embryonic development is contentious position, one that has been termed “politically incorrect”, if for no other reason than the fact that orgasm is an extremely important source of pleasure and a valued element of sexuality for many women, whether they come during intercourse or by a man making them come through masturbation.

Wanting a man who knows how to make a woman come?

In a survey of women in heterosexual relationships, Bancroft asked them how important various factors were to their beiug able to reach orgasm and sexual happiness. In order of importance, the percentage of women answering “very” or “extremely” important to the following questions were:

1) to feel emotionally close to your partner – 83.5%

2) to feel your partner is sexually satisfied – 78.9%

3) to feel talking comfortable but your partner about – 61.5%

4) to have an orgasm – 29.6%

shows how a man can make a woman come during intercourseThis clearly indicates that sex and orgasm has a different significance to women than it does to men, although again one has to ask to what extent woman’s limited expectation of orgasm is determined by socio-cultural factors. One woman will see orgasm as a very different objective to sexual satisfaction, another may want her man to make her come at every opportunity and may think sex disappointing if this does not happen.

Frequency of orgasm

Kinsey defined total sexual outlet in men as orgasm and ejaculation combined, regardless of what sort of stimulation produced it. On this basis he found that 2.1% of his male research subjects had a zero frequency of sexual outlet.

There is no data available about how many women fail to reach orgasm because of body image issues such as being overweight, and the attendant shame and embarrassment they feel about this.

However, the number of women who are dieting strongly suggests that a high proportion of women feel they are overweight and would like an effective 12 week diet plan to help them lose the excess pounds.

Among men who are sexually active, 72% claim that they always had an orgasm to climax and ejaculated during sex with a partner, 21.8% said they usually did, 3.7% said they sometimes did, and 2.6% said they rarely or never did.

This latter figure presumably represents the percentage of men who, at the time, were prepared to admit to having, or were identified as having, delayed ejaculation.

In a French research project in 1994 a group of men reported that they achieved orgasm most easily through vaginal penetration, while 47% of men said they always came that way and 49% said they came “rather easily” that way.

Interestingly enough, during masturbation by their partner, the percentages of men who always came were 22% and who “rather easily” came was 53%: the comparative figures for achieving ejaculation by fellatio are 22% and 43% respectively. The figures for the proportion of men who were able to make a woman come is not given, unfortunately.

Women’s Experience Of Orgasm

shere hite - the hite reportIn the majority of surveys, starting with the work by Shere Hite in 1976, one finding occurs consistently: a substantial majority of women require stimulation of the clitoris before they reach orgasm. 

So what do you do if you’re trying to make a woman come?

picture of the female g spotEven that assertion, a simple factual observation, can raise controversial conclusions, since some experts believe that only when the G spot has been awakened by sexual experience or emotional connection to the partner  can a man make a woman come through vaginal stimulation alone.

picture the clitorisCertainly there is an abundance of circumstantial evidence which suggests that there is some fundamental difference in origin and experience between sexual climax that’s achieved by clitoral stimulation compared to one achieved by stimulation of the vagina alone.

Even now, after all the work that has been conducted on the experience of orgasm, it’s not understood why orgasm produces such intense pleasure. This reflects the difficulty of associating subjective experiences such as orgasmic pleasure with neurophysiological events inside the brain.

Yet it is a good motivation for men and women to seek sexual interactions and mutual pleasure…. and certainly female orgasm is a good motivation for a man to learn how to make a woman come!

Certainly the production of endorphins in the brain has been implicated in the excitement and pleasure of the orgasmic experience.

There is however a major difference between men and women in terms of the return of the various physiological aspects of the body to normality after sexual climax.

The refractory period, that is to say the period after orgasm during which an individual remains unresponsive to further sexual stimulation, is much longer in a man than a woman. Indeed it’s not uncommon to find that a woman can experience repeated – or multiple – orgasms in a short period.

0rgasmThis doesn’t mean that women don’t have a refractory period; rather, it means we just don’t know what it might be or what it might look like. Kinsey reported that only 14% of the women in his research were capable of multiple climax on a regular basis. And men can learn how to make a woman come on a regular basis.

But although there may be many women who have not achieved their full potential in this area, the research has simply not been conducted to understand exactly how many women are capable of multiple orgasm, nor indeed how many would wish to experience them, nor has there been any investigation of the conditions under which this phenomenon might be achieved.

 

Female ejaculation during orgasm

Some women are worried by a tendency to release fluid during orgasm, often assuming that the fluid is urine. However, analysis of the fluid suggests that it contains chemical compounds which are reminiscent of prostate secretions in men.

Women who undergo the experience of female ejaculation, as men who learn how to bring a woman off, how to make her come, in this way, will well know, appear to develop a swelling in the anterior vaginal wall close to the area of the G spot which disappears when ejaculations taken place.

This swelling seems to be caused by the fluid collecting in the urethra at that point, before it is expelled from the body during sexual arousal.

Here’s our favorite sex educator, Laci Green, on How To Make A Woman Come:

Although there is considerable variability between different women in the degree to which they have paraurethral ducts around the urethra, it may well be that the fluid secreted by these ducts and the associated glands is the one that can be expelled during “female ejaculation”.

This is a process that appears to be similar to the ejection of semen from the body after the emission phase of sexual response (when semen is released into the urethra before expulsion) in men.

The function of a woman’s orgasm

Although one obvious function of male orgasm might be to encourage mating, with the consequent ejaculation of semen, it’s not quite so clear what the function of orgasm in women might be.

Suggestions include the simple emotional reward of pleasure “for” allowing sexual intercourse to take place, the resolution of vaginal tenting (ballooning of the vagina during orgasm) which allows the cervix to dip down into the pool of semen left in the vagina after ejaculation.

And also, it seems, stimulation of the man’s penis so that he ejaculates because of the stimulation of the vaginal contractions on his glans and penile shaft. Other ideas include the reinforcement of pair bonding, and the upsuck of semen into the uterus.

The problem with these explanations is that very few women experience orgasm as a result of sexual intercourse alone. This makes it difficult to explain how female orgasm came to evolve if it was a reward for allowing intercourse to occur!

But in the end does it matter? We know what orgasm feels like, and we know it bonds a couple closely. Maybe all we need to know is that it is wonderful to know how to make a woman come!

It’s much more likely there is a potential for orgasm during intercourse, but the success of reproduction is by no means dependent on female orgasm, and nor is the female orgasm dependent on the experience of sexual intercourse.

How To Make A Woman Come

Don’t Know How To Give A Woman An Orgasm?

A lot of sexual practice (i.e. having a lot of sexual intercourse) can help a man learn how to make a woman come consistently.

Years of  intercourse seem to increase a woman’s attainment of orgasm. But the elaborateness of the sexual stimulation delivered to women is not correlated with sexual responsiveness…. now, why would that be?

For example, the number of intercourse positions a couple use and the length of foreplay had no particular correlations with how to make a woman orgasm consistently.

photo of a woman reaching orgasmBeyond knowing a bit about a woman’s erogenous zones, the factors facilitating sexual arousal seem to be largely emotional and interpersonal, involving feelings of intimacy, closeness, trust, dependability and love.

Even so, women with orgasm difficulties may criticize their sex partners for not being sufficiently expert to stimulate them properly, for not knowing how to make them come.

Many questions about female sexuality are still not really understood. These questions include:

1. How does culture affect the social factors which make a woman orgasm more or less easily? 

image of women in different culturesA study here would provide an opportunity for directly evaluating the idea that cultural factors play a role in a woman finding she cannot orgasm easily.

Being unable to ejaculate is sometimes a problem for men, but it is not a condition which has any obvious counterpart in women, where anorgasmia or low libido are probably the most common sexual dysfunctions.

When a woman cannot climax she is much more likely not to have experienced her father as a dependable love object than a woman who reaches orgasm easily.

man making woman come - a western woman being made to come by her male partner3. A related question is around the possible role of the male partner: does he know how to make a woman come easily and quickly?

Her feelings about his lack of dependability as a love object may mean she cannot orgasm so easily.

A study on this would probably have to be carried out on married couples.

The attributes of the partner reflecting his dependability might well be correlated with his woman’s tendency to reach orgasm easily. You could evaluate the man with respect to traits such as conscientiousness and ability to identify with his woman, and you could also find out how much confidence she had in him.

Parallel to such inquiries, it would be informative to have a sample of men keep “diaries” in which they would record how often they know successfully made the woman come over a period of time. 

4 Does orgasm consistency decline when the partner is planning to be away from home for a while? Do crises in the family, such as illness of children or financial difficulties, make it more likely she cannot get off?

If a woman loses one of her close friends does this adversely affect her ability to get off by increasing her uncertainty about the dependability of objects?

Does successful achievement in life influence a woman’s orgasmic potential? Do periods of sexual deprivation make her less likely to get off? Check out this  personal account: I just do not know how to make a woman come!

5 How does sexual excitement build up to orgasmic levels?

One thing that certainly might make a difference to a woman’s capacity to reach orgasm is her husband’s ability to hold his ejaculation in check.

Any man who has a tendency to ejaculate too quickly should seek out help with some kind of program for premature ejaculation treatment which might enable him to last longer during intercourse before he ejaculates.

Furthermore, it might prove of value in helping to develop practical procedures that would enable a man to make a woman orgasm more easily.

6. What are possible treatment procedures for increasing orgasm consistency in women who have sexual response difficulties?

For example, one could compare joint counseling with a more complex therapy that focuses on the history of a woman’s relationships with her father.

7. How do different women experience their male sex partners when receiving clitoral or vaginal stimulation?

How much do the men know about how to make a woman climax? To what extent do sexual techniques and positions, and knowledge of female sexual anatomy and female sexual behavior, create a man’s ability to give her an orgasm?