The Elusive Female Orgasm

It’s Not Always Easy For A Man To Make A Woman Come!

Sometimes women can’t reach orgasm because of a poor body image (concept of one’s own body), particularly around genital issues.  And that even includes the changes they experience when they get aroused!

The importance of such body image distortions is not surprising in view of the fact seeing oneself as “normally” feminine is heavily implicated distorted attitudes about one’s body.

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human_bodyFreud spoke of fear about damage to the genital area, phallic envy, anxiety about vaginal penetration, and the holding unrealistic images about the nature of the vagina as things that could affect a girl’s ability to make her way successfully through her psychosexual development. That would also affect her ability to achieve orgasm.

Quite how these issues play out for a man wishing to make a woman come is not clear. But what is clear is that we need to look at the concept of “body image” in any discussion of the female orgasm.

A healthy individual’s identity and ego structure are founded upon body experiences. The first and primary core of self is the matrix of sensations linked with “my body.”

beautyFurther, the process of psychosexual development involves a series of stages during which energy is successively invested in different sectors of the body (oral, anal, genital) that correspondingly vary in their importance in the body scheme and their influence in coloring interpretations of the world.

Body image contributes substantially to relationship success, and in particular the ability of a woman to date successfully and enjoy sex to the full. It also has a significant relationship to her capacity to achieve orgasm (and so by implication to a man’s ability to make a woman come).

There are many internet programs which seek to help women in this regard, including Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever, which is reviewed here.

For men, it is probably more about emotional confidence or self-esteem that regulates his ability to date or to attract a woman and establish relationship.

Body Image

positive body imageClear evidence has accumulated that persons vary in the ways in which they integrate and interpret their body experiences and that, in turn, these adaptations affect their personality style.

For example, sexual arousal does not affect merely the sexual zones.

The whole body is involved… breathing, perspiration, vocalization and equilibrium sensations …. the ability to accept physiological changes is one of the Important prerequisites of sexual enjoyment.

Fear of such change is one of the greatest impediments to sexual functioning. So, of course, is the fear of the loss of relationship. And that may be why so many programs have offered remedies for broken relationships – not least Mike Fiore, whose program Text Your Ex Back is the primary resource for people trying to get back together with an ex-partner.

The effects of sexual arousal

An aroused person feels different all over their body. Expansions or distention in various body zones, not only in the genital area… and there are also changes in sensory acuity, throbbing of body parts, a temperature increase that suffuses over the body, muscle tension alterations, itching, sustained skin contact with another individual, and intense excitation emanating from mucous membranes.

As a man helps her come, or as she becomes more orgasmic, or as her level of arousal increases, a woman’s excited body is different to the body she knows most of the time from day to day.

It’s conceivable these changes may be frightening and therefore ultimately prevent the attainment of orgasm, either by herself or by a partner hoping to make his a woman come. 

But these distortions may, as appeal to another woman as being novel and enjoyably “different,” thereby facilitating orgasm. Indeed, as the internet has demonstrated, sexual perversions and novelty can be highly arousing and exciting, perhaps even forcing a woman to advance towards orgasm.

A lot of ideas have been put forward about body image and how it might render a woman vulnerable to being fear or shame or other negative emotions around sexual arousal.

A number of writers agree that fear of body penetration and of losing body boundaries causes sexual dysfunctions of one kind or another.

So if a woman thinks her body is too “open,” insufficiently protected, and incapable of resisting invasion, she may interpret sexual sensory experiences and the expectation of being entered by the penis in a negative way.

In other words, each individual woman needs to experience her body  as possessing a boundary which both delineates self-identity and serves as a protective shield against perceived dangers. Without an adequate boundary it becomes hard to distinguish between self and non-self. That can make sex threatening.