Making A Woman Come

The Art Of Female Orgasm

How to make a woman come in five easy steps!

1 Start Foreplay Outside The Bedroom

Most women are going to be much more willing to make love with a man if they feel respected and appreciated. A great way to show you really do appreciate her is to build up to your lovemaking long before you get into the bedroom.

You can leave little notes for her around the house telling her how you feel about her and how attractive she is. You can send text messages unexpectedly, or buy her flowers and have them delivered. Anything that shows you’re thinking about her,  even when you’re not with her, will be much appreciated, and tends to open her heart to being much more intimate with you in bed.

Man and woman smiling
Start foreplay outside the bedroom and you’ll enjoy what happens in the bedroom a lot more!

2 Make Sure That You Know What She Wants In the Bedroom

Because men tend to have a much more urgent sex drive than women, it can sometimes be easy for us to overlook the fact that women need a slower approach to arousal than men. In fact, research shows that women generally take 10 to 20 times as long to get aroused and ready for intercourse as men do .

This means that most women need at least 20 or 30 minutes of foreplay before you actually make love. But it’s important the kind of foreplay you share with her is something that she wants and enjoys, and something that is also appealing to you. This might be kissing, caressing, cuddling, looking into each other’s eyes; a great way to find out is to ask her!

If you don’t want to ask, then try gentle stroking, kissing all over her body gently, and make sure that the first half of foreplay is devoted to stimulating her whole body. Only move on to her breasts and intimate areas when you send she’s beginning to get aroused. It could well be true that a woman’s most important sexual organ is either her skin or her brain! (We all know what a man’s most important sexual organ is!)

Foreplay between man and woman.
Foreplay is enjoyable and helps to ensure a woman will come.

3 Make Sure the Stimulation You Give Her Is What She Wants

Lots of men head straight for their partner’s clitoris or genitals when they’re in bed with a woman. But this should come after a lot of preliminary foreplay. When you do move onto her clitoris, vulva or  breasts, make sure to check that she’s responding with arousal and excitement.

Women generally require a much lighter touch than men in their sexual areas, and a hard touch can either be unpleasant or a real turnoff until she’s highly aroused. You can always check in with her if what you’re doing is OK.

Man kissing woman's neck
Making a woman come is much easier if what you do is what she wants you to do!

4 Consider Giving Her an Orgasm Before Intercourse Starts

The vast majority of women find it quite difficult to reach orgasm through intercourse alone. This is because they don’t receive any clitoral stimulation during intercourse. Although it may seem hard to delay your pleasure, consider learning how to make a woman come through oral pleasuring or touch as a conclusion to foreplay.

This works well for many couples because even after she’s reached orgasm, a woman is still highly aroused some time, and generally will delight in the intimacy of intercourse. 

This approach takes pressure off the man, and allows him to take his pleasure while his woman is aroused and open to him in heart, mind and body.

man kissing woman on her belly
An orgasm for her before intercourse starts can increase everybody’s pleasure during lovemaking

5 Learn How to Last Longer in Bed

All the research shows that a lot of men come long before women would like them to do so; and that’s true even if a woman can’t reach orgasm during intercourse. That’s because penetration is such an intimate act, and women often enjoy the intimacy of intercourse rather than expecting to have their man make them come. 

At the same time, there are quite a number of women who could come during intercourse through vaginal stimulation alone – if only the man could last longer before he reached his own orgasm. 

So there could be real benefits for both you if you learn how to last longer in bed. As the man, your pleasure would be prolonged, and your orgasm would be more intense, and your woman might be able to reach orgasm during intercourse – which is a fabulous experience both of you. If you don’t know how to do this, and want some easy solutions, search online for “stamina in bed”.

Follow these five simple and easy steps, all of which can help you make a woman come easily, and you’ll be a man with much greater sexual skills and your woman’s sexual hero as well! 

Woman reaching the point of orgasm during intercourse
The pleasure of orgasm during intercourse can be wonderful!

Orgasm in women is, of course, a rather complex story.

We know that women vary considerably in the type of stimulation that is required to bring them to orgasm, and we’ve  already observed that many do not experience this pleasure through vaginal penetration.

When combined with the fact that women actually have a much more variable capacity to achieve orgasm during sexual activity than men, you’d expect the percentage of men and women reaching orgasm during sex to be very different. And, unsurprisingly, they are.

Lloyd scrutinized the literature reports on women’s orgasmic experience and summarized data from 32 research projects.

Unfortunately, as is so often the case with research into sexuality, many of these studies were poorly conducted with ill-defined terms in the research or unrepresentative samples of women. They certainly weren’t directed towards a study of how easy women find it to reach orgasm with a man who knows how to make them come!

However, using the best judgment possible in the circumstances, the proportion of women who report always experiencing orgasm during intercourse is 25.3%. The women who “sometimes” or “rarely” did so during intercourse is 19.7%.

Video on how to cause female ejaculation

Similarly, Lloyd found that the percentage of women who never come  (i.e. NEVER reach orgasm) during their lifetimes was reported as between 5 to 10% in a number of different studies. This broadly matches the figure of 10% in Kinsey’s pioneering research in 1953.

When you consider all kinds of stimulation during a sexual act with a partner, studies have demonstrated that around 27% of women say they will always achieve climax, 41.3% say they usually do so, 21.6% say they achieve it “sometimes”, and 10% say they do so rarely or never.

If this covers any kind of sexual activity with a partner it is incompatible with the research reported above, because this revealed that women claim to experience orgasm during intercourse 25.3% of the times they have it.

What we know is that it is definitely a good idea for a man to know how to make a woman come.

This aids sexual pleasure and satisfaction all round!

Intuitively it’s extremely improbable that only 2% of orgasms experienced by women during any kind of sexual interaction is accounted for by activities other than sexual intercourse.

This seems to imply that the real figure of women who are able to achieve orgasm during intercourse is much lower than 25%, and that would be broadly in line with our own unscientific research projects and informal e-mail enquiries that we’ve had from women on our websites over the years.

Broadly speaking, we would estimate that no more than 15%, and possibly as few as 10% or even 5% of women achieve orgasm on a regular basis during sexual intercourse. Men simply don’t make women come during sex by vaginal thrusting alone…. not usually, anyway.

There is certainly a widespread recognition in research projects that the cultural environment suggests that people are more sexually active than they actually are, and it may be that the over-reporting of orgasm during intercourse is a reflection of this cultural bias. Though of course it may be a sign of men’s deep desire to demonstrate that they know how to make a woman come!!!

Making A Woman Come Clitorally vs Vaginally

Nonetheless an important question arises: how important is orgasm is for women, and for men?

In a research project conducted in 1994, 49% of men agreed with the statement that “sex without orgasm or climax cannot be really satisfying for men” and 34% disagreed. In response to the same question 43% of women agreed and 29% disagreed. Interestingly, when the same statement was made for a woman,  29% of women agreed, and 50% disagreed, while 37% of men agreed and 35% disagreed. I think these figures reflect the importance that men attach to being able to make a woman come. 

This clearly emphasizes the different importance which men and women apply to orgasm during sex. In a more recent survey of women in heterosexual relationships by Bancroft, it was discovered that the frequency of orgasm which women experience during sexual activity with their partners did not have any correlation with how the women evaluated the success of their sexual relationship or indeed their own sexuality.

When asked how important it was to their sexual happiness to have an orgasm, or for a man to bring them to orgasm, only 29.6% of the women said it was important or extremely important.

 

Good Sex and Good Orgasms

Coming To Good Sex

Many men want to know how to make a woman come, but experiencing sexual arousal and reaching orgasm follow different paths in a woman than they do in a man.

As a man, you’re no doubt very experienced in reaching orgasm – you’ve probably been practicing since you were a teenager! 

Male sexual pleasure is generally much more easily achieved than female pleasure.

You know that a regular rhythm of stimulation to the penis, either gentle and soft, or hard and fast, according to your personal preference and sensitivity, will generally result in an orgasm very quickly. The orgasm might be long or short, depending on how long it is since you last ejaculated, but in general it’ll be pleasurable to a greater or lesser degree.

You then lose interest in sex and your sexual arousal drops quickly, but in general it’s quite a short time before you’re interested in having another orgasm – although as men age, the time between orgasms tends to increase.

For a woman, this kind of mechanical stimulus and response doesn’t apply so much. Knowing how to make a woman come depends on many factors.

One of the reasons for this is that women tend to be much more dependent on emotional and mental stimuli for orgasm than men are.

Pleasuring a woman in bed is easy
What she thinks of as satisfaction may be very different from what he thinks of as satisfaction!

So for example, a romantic and loving atmosphere, in comfortable and pleasant surroundings, with a partner who is not only liked but trusted, are precursors for most women to reach orgasm easily.

Sure, we’ve all heard of the one night stands that young women in particular are enjoying these days, but the truth of the matter is that for most women, the old standards still apply: while having sex is easy, reaching orgasm is not so easy… unless there’s a romantic atmosphere and a partner who is appreciated, trusted and loved present.

Further, there’s a degree of skill required on a man’s part when he seeks to make a woman come, or to stimulate a woman to orgasm, because he has to know how to be sensitive to her level of arousal, and to “follow” her arousal as it dips and increases during sexual stimulation.

Finally, since most women do reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation, it’s essential that a woman’s sexual partner is skilled in stimulating her clitoris in a way that is going to please her and make her reach orgasm.

Sexual Intercourse and Orgasm

The reality is that sexual intercourse alone does not make most women come. The simple reason for this is that the clitoris doesn’t receive the necessary level of stimulation.

Regardless of what you read or hear about G spot orgasms, or vaginal orgasms, the majority of women reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation, although the intensity and pleasure of her orgasm might be increased if she has a penis or finger inside her vagina at the time she reaches orgasm.

But, much as you might not like to hear it, women don’t reach orgasm through thrusting during intercourse alone. Or rather, the vast majority of them do not reach orgasm this way. (The coital alignment technique may offer an exception to this.)

Figures vary, according to who you read, and what agenda they’re pushing, about how many women are able to reach orgasm through intercourse, but I think it’s fair to say that it’s around 10 to 15%.

Just to make it clear, we’re talking about sexual intercourse without any additional clitoral stimulation: lots of women can reach orgasm during intercourse if either they or their partner also stimulates the clitoris with either fingers or a vibrator, but enjoyable though that might be, it’s not the same thing as a man making a woman come with thrusting alone. 

So how can you bring a woman to orgasm, to make her come, reliably?

Well, the first thing is that you’re probably going to be looking for a technique which appeals to your particular partner.

Most women like oral sex – in fact, there are many surveys which demonstrate that women’s favourite sexual activity is oral pleasure with a trusted partner, but I think it requires quite a mature man to be able to take a woman from the beginning of her arousal to orgasm through oral stimulation alone.

Video – Can women come through intercourse alone?

For one thing, oral stimulation can be slightly uncomfortable if the woman is lying on the bed, and any discomfort a man experiences such as a cricked neck or pain in his back, is going to distract him from his focus on pleasuring his woman. Bringing her to orgasm requires attention, focus, and more than anything, a kind of mental state where you’re really focused on what you’re doing – giving your partner an orgasm – rather than thinking about distractions.

Some women prefer to reach orgasm in other ways: from frottage, the rubbing of bodies together, manual stimulation (masturbation), or using a vibrator – these are all high on the list of pleasurable sexual techniques that can give woman orgasmic satisfaction.

But the thing is, if you’re a man, you probably assume you should know how to make a woman reach orgasm without being told. Regrettably, that’s a common impression in our culture: something to do with the inherent cultural expectations put on men. The truth is that all women are different, in both major and minor ways, but they all have different expectations and requirements of their sexual partner.

So how are you going to know what your partner wants if you don’t ask her?

You can’t simply assume that because you knew how to make your previous woman come with a certain type of stimulation, your current girlfriend is going to respond in a similar way! Indeed, doing so is a recipe for disaster! As a sexual technique, this ranks somewhere alongside asking a woman “Have you come yet?” (i.e. it’s a very bad idea!)

Female Orgasm and Ejaculation

Take Your Sex Life Into Orbit With Female Ejaculation

Female ejaculation is one of the most exciting and arousing experiences that you can have! But some women shy away from it because they tend to think that it’s not “ladylike”, while men are really turned on by it…

What you have to understand here is that for the vast majority of men, nothing is more exciting during sexual activity than a woman who is so turned on that she can actually ejaculate.

You see, men love sex with a woman who has aroused them, and the best way for that to happen is for the woman to be highly aroused herself.

That way your relationships will not only be sexually exciting, they will also be infused with mutual love and bliss – allowing you to be friends as well as lovers!

Sure – I’m not saying that being with a woman who has learned how to ejaculate will make you both fall madly in love! But sexual experimentation and mutual excitement certainly helps! (Advice on how a woman can get a man’s love can be found here.)

Indeed, in all my  experience researching female ejaculation, 90% of men I’ve interviewed have really adored it, and many were aroused by female ejaculation more than anything else.

By squirting, a woman demonstrates that she is highly aroused, relaxed about her sexuality, and sexually energized- and willing to please your lover!

There’s no question about female ejaculation being one of the ways in which women can reach a peak of sexual enjoyment far greater than during almost any other sexual activity.

That’s because the orgasms induced by G spot stimulation, which are responsible for female ejaculation, are of a different quality to clitoral orgasms.

The G spot, or the “clitoral-urethral complex”, as some scientists now prefer to call it, is full of pelvic nerves. This innervation is mystically different (I was originally typingdistinctly different, but I think maybe mystically is probably the more appropriate word!) to that of the clitoris.

The clitoris appears to be stimulated by a more or less mechanical stimulation of finger or tongue, and this can lead to a very pleasant but purely physical orgasm.

G spot stimulation appears to produce an emotional quality to a woman’s orgasm which is about connection with partner, connection to self, and perhaps even connection to the universe at large.

In that sense, G spot orgasms have a transpersonal quality which lends the depth and profundity that is hard to experience in any other form of female orgasm.

You can combine G spot orgasms with the physical pleasure of the clitoral orgasm, by massaging the G spot in a particular way, or by having it continually strokes during long-lasting intercourse by man’s erect penis.

However, I think there are comparatively few men who can sustain an erection for long enough to be able to bring a woman to G spot orgasm during intercourse… Most men ejaculate long before the woman is ready to come in this way.

That means most G spot stimulation which leads female ejaculation is going to have to be done by means of a finger or a sex toy… And although that isn’t quite the same as having it produced by your lovers erect penis thrusting inside your vagina, it’s still a pretty good way of achieving this level of sexual pleasure. Read more about how to make a woman come here.

Female Ejaculation – How to enjoy female ejaculation

Although it’s highly informative, this video doesn’t emphasize sufficiently the fact that the G spot orgasm is primarily the product of an intimate loving connection between a woman and her partner.

G spot orgasms are very different to clitoral orgasms, as I said above, and they depend on intimacy and connection which goes beyond the physicality of a sexual relationship into the emotional bond between two people.

Couple making love.
Few women can reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone.

Techniques like eye gazing, massage, physical connection, gentle touching and cuddling, coordinated breathing, and chakra alignment are all very necessary for a couple to experience the intimacy necessary for a woman to melt into state of her being which can experience a G spot orgasm.

One interesting aspect of all of this is the disrespect for the female orgasm, which the patriarchy has embodied and appears to continue to embody in many different forms even in the 21st-century. 

From  Glamour.com

Rather than dividing orgasms into clitoral, vaginal, and G-spot, they should all be referred to as “female orgasms,” says a new paper in Clinical Anatomy. 

Glamour Magazine is some interesting things to say about the G spot and clitoral orgasm. The paper suggests that all orgasms, whether clitoral, vaginal or G spot, should simply be referred to as “the female orgasm”.

This is because the idea of the “internal clitoris”, which some people think is the cause of vaginal orgasms, is a myth, say Vincenzo Puppo and Giulia Puppo, sexologists at the Italian Centre of Sexology.

They say that the clitoris is in fact just an external structure and it’s at the root of all female orgasms. Their paper suggests that a term which has come into popular usage, i.e. “clitoral bulbs”, should in fact be replaced with the phrase “vestibular bulbs”, because there is no connection anatomically between the clitoris and the vagina.

They claim that vaginal orgasms are really caused by stimulating the surrounding erectile tissue such as the clitoris and labia minora, and not by anything which is happening inside a woman’s body.

This is a remarkable claim, and a lot people will find it controversial.

One thing the Puppos do suggest which I’d tend to agree with, is that orgasm is possible for every woman if the clitoris is stimulated in the right way.

They make the point, quite correctly, that a lot of female orgasm is down to mental activity, and a woman can put a great deal of pressure on herself if she thinks she “ought” to come every time she has sex.

Equally, the feeling of failure if she doesn’t come can be quite devastating to a woman’s confidence about her ability to reach orgasm.

The idea that the clit is the sole source of female orgasm might even be encouraging to women who feel they’re on the brink of orgasm but never quite tip over into it. If this were true they would have a focus of sexual attention and wouldn’t need to worry about their G spot!

And the orgasm gap between men and women is something that really needs to be rectified. To be honest, what that probably means is men spending more time and effort making sure that their partners are sexually satisfied.

Finally, women shouldn’t feel inadequate if they can’t orgasm from penetration alone. Statistics often suggest that very few women can reach orgasm from penetration – but there are some who know that they can, and do!

How does their experience fit into the research of the sexolgist Puppos? Well, who knows – it’s one of the mysteries of the female body and the female orgasm that not every experience of orgasm can be easily explained in terms of conventional views of anatomy and sexual experience.

Perhaps that’s simply part of the attraction and mystery of human sexuality.

Sex & Orgasms – Making A Woman Come

Would you like to see the easiest and best way to make a woman come? Give any woman massive orgasms easily?

Yes? Then simply read on, and we will show you how to make any woman orgasm easily and quickly!

We start by looking at the process of sexual arousal.

Sexual arousal is not just something that happens in the mind; it happens in the mind and the body together.  There’s a name for that process of arousal – the sexual response cycle.

This has four stages: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Each stage builds upon the last so long as the right kind of stimulation is applied at the right time and with the right intensity. And that will lead to an orgasm. So at its most basic, making a woman come is all about doing the right thing at the right time.

The Process Of Arousal:
The Female Sexual Response Cycle

Step 1 On The Road To Orgasm (Climax)

The sexual response cycle often begins with foreplay. This promotes sexual arousal.

As you know, foreplay can take many forms, ranging from simple loving look to a gentle touch, from a passionate kiss to a warm embrace, from gentle stroking of the skin to a vigorous massage. Most women need much more foreplay than men if they are to reach orgasm. That’s because foreplay is essential to promote desire.

Stimulation of the clitoris is a great way to bring a woman to orgasm!
Stimulation of her body, leading to gentle stimulation of her nipples or clitoris is a great way to arouse a woman before intercourse. It can also be a great way to bring her to orgasm before intercourse, as only a small percentage of women can reach orgasm through intercourse alone.

Whatever from foreplay takes, if a woman is responsive, stimulation, some changes will take place in her body which signal her growing sexual arousal.

These changes include an increased flow of blood to her genitals, with some engorgement of the erectile tissue of the clitoris, vulva and labia. At the same time her skin becomes more sensitive to touch.

Her breasts swell in size and her nipples become more sensitive to stimulation. But since the nipples are very sensitive anyway, an aggressive touch may not be pleasant, so men- beware of being too firm, too soon!

If you are aiming to take a woman to orgasm, or force her to come with you on a sexual journey, make sure you touch her lightly. The best approach is to check what she actually wants, so ask her how she likes to be touched! 

For some women, it is not the destination (orgasm) but the journey (arousal, foreplay, intimacy) which is most exciting.

And perhaps the most obvious sign of her bodily arousal is production of vaginal lubrication, sometimes in large quantities, so much so that she may feel the wetness growing and seeping outwards into her underwear. This is often accompanied by a sense of warmth. And in this first stage of arousal, her clitoris begins to swell with  blood and becomes more prominent. (A process called “engorgement”. Not a very sexy word!)

Massage is a great way to arouse most women, so to help you in your quest to make a woman come, here’s a video on a sensual orgasm massage technique!

Step 2: Sexual Arousal

As sexual stimulation continues, muscle tension increases throughout a woman’s body: this tension will eventually  be released at the moment of climax.

Her rate of breathing increases, her blood pressure goes up, and her heart beats faster. As she becomes aroused, the man may also find his arousal mirroring hers. If he is aiming to manufacture her coming, he may have to control his own increasing arousal while she catches up with him: women generally take ten or twenty times as long to be fully aroused and ready for orgasm as men do.

Foreplay between man and woman.
Foreplay can be very enjoyable for both the man and the woman as it builds intimacy and ensures a woman is aroused enough to achieve orgasm. However, it does require restraint and self-discipline on the part of the man, who may need to delay his own need for sexual pleasure until his partner has had her orgasm.

What this means, in practice, is that a woman may need between twenty and thirty minutes of foreplay before she is ready to achieve orgasm.

Now, a lot of men think that they can simply kiss a woman a little, perhaps fondle her breasts for a few minutes, maybe twiddle her clitoris, and she’ll be ready for penetration. This is really selfish. A woman needs time. And even when she’s ready for penetration and her body is ready to take her to orgasm, there’s another issue. Many women – in fact the vast majority – will not be able to reach orgasm through penetration and intercourse alone. Most need additional clitoral stimulation to come.

Obviously, for men who are fortunate enough to be with a woman who can come during intercourse, this is not relevant. But for the rest of us, there’s a great strategy which comes highly recommended for achieving both male and female sexual pleasure. Ready? Here it is:

Give your woman an orgasm by orally pleasuring her, or by pleasuring her with a sex toy such as a vibrator, or by using your fingers, before you enter her.  She’ll really like this approach to lovemaking because it shows you know how important it is to give her pleasure (an orgasm) before you take your own pleasure.

100 Orgasms A Day – See It To Believe It!

There will be also be changes to her vagina, with the entrance tightening slightly and the inner parts ballooning and increasing in length.

As she becomes more aroused, her clitoris becomes larger and goes through a number of changes that cause the angle of the clitoral body to change. Such changes are useful signs for a man aiming to make a woman come quickly and easily – they can be the clues to what to do next in the process of sexual arousal.

It is at this point that the G-spot changes in texture from rough to smooth, a change which some people believe is caused by swelling of part of the clitoris, causing it to lie more closely on top of the vaginal wall.

You can see the location of these parts on this picture:

diagram of female sexual anatomy

Diagram showing the location of a woman’s sexual pleasure spots, including the G spot

The clitoral glans usually disappears beneath its hood and remains there until the point of climax or orgasm unless exposed by pulling the skin back.

At the same time a woman’s uterus shifts upwards so as to allow the vagina to expand lengthwise, thereby allowing the penis to thrust more deeply.

Unless the clitoris is stimulated during sex, a woman is unlikely to climax during sexual intercourse. That is true whether she is stimulating herself or a man is trying to make her come during partnered sexual activity.

picture of the clitoris showing the clitoral hood
Two important things to note: the location of the clitoral hood, which may cover the glans of the clitoris as a woman becomes more aroused. Also, the vaginal opening is well away from the area of the clitoris, which is why many women who can only reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation, will not receive enough stimulation during intercourse to make them come. A better way to give a woman pleasure may be to take her to orgasm before you enter her.

Step 3: The Plateau Phase – Making A Woman Come

In the plateau phase (see diagram above) a woman is highly aroused, both physically and mentally, and she can remain in that state for some time without reaching orgasm unless additional stimulation is applied to take her over into the orgasm phase.

During the plateau phase she may experience a skin flush, deeper breathing and a higher heart rate; certainly her genitals will change color, as her labia become flushed with blood and her vaginal tissues swell.

As mentioned above, with additional stimulation a woman will move from the plateau phase into orgasm. 

It’s often the transition from the plateau phase into  orgasm which presents most difficulties for a woman when she is trying to have an orgasm. (Read more about difficulties with orgasm for women here.)

Men, when trying to make a woman come, and familiar with the way in which they stimulate their own penis during masturbation, will often apply much more vigorous and rapid stimulation to a woman’s clitoris at this point.

While it’s certainly true there is a point where a woman may need this additional stimulation to reach orgasm, it has to be timed to perfection, otherwise a woman is likely to feel her climax slipping away from her.

Woman reaching the point of orgasm during intercourse
Few men know how to make a woman come  during intercourse without additional stimulation of her clitoris. But as you can see above, it is possible.

What most women want and need to reach orgasm is rhythmic regular stimulation at the right pressure, until the very last moment, and then some additional pressure or faster stimulation to tip her over the edge.

The climax itself involves a series of contractions of the muscles of the vaginal walls, the uterus, and the pelvic floor muscles.  These contract rhythmically at just under one second intervals.

All of these contractions are accompanied by a great sensation of pleasure and, in some women, the emission of a small amount of fluid from the vagina – a sort of female ejaculation, a process captured on video many times, and is a real phenomenon.

The number of contractions a woman experiences when coming generally ranges between three and fifteen, although a few  women can experience much more prolonged contractions.

And some women experience their orgasms as a whole body sensation rather than just a pleasurable feeling in their genitals. So there are no rules – and it’s probably safe to say that all women’s experiences of climax are different – both between different women and in the same woman over time.

One thing I have come across many times in my work with couples is the woman wishing that her man could last longer during intercourse before he ejaculates.

This is a real issue, because in my experience, few men really seem to know what to do if they come before their woman would like them to do so. Often men want to last longer in bed but just don’t know how to do so. So, I have a suggestion! Take a look at the website www.massivestayingpower.com This may be helpful for you as a man if you wish to make love for longer before you come.

Step 4 : The Resolution Phase

A woman’s body returns to her pre-aroused state. 

arousalThis process happens much more slowly in women than men.

Indeed, women can often have another orgasm soon after their first; which is distinctly different to men, who have a refractory period, during which it is impossible for them to become sexually aroused again.

This is the kind of information that a man trying to make a woman come needs to know – for example, it is often a better idea for him to give her an orgasm before entering her and enjoying his own orgasm.

Why do men want to sleep after orgasm and women to cuddle?

It’s down to the hormones we produce – after she’s had an orgasm during sex a woman is much more likely to want a period of cuddling and interaction; after his orgasm, a man is likely to want to sleep.

What Does Sexual Satisfaction Mean to You?

Sexual Satisfaction

I guess most men would say that sexual satisfaction is defined by whether or not they have an orgasm – and perhaps by the power and intensity of that orgasm.

And I would guess men think that knowing how to give a woman an orgasm is a vital part of sexual satisfaction.

But would the same be true for women? Do they think that knowing how to give a man an orgasm is satisfying?

And as a man, making love to women, did you ever stop to consider what might make sex satisfying for your partner?

In another post on this blog you can read some things about women’s attitudes to sex which you might surprise you. Did you know, for example, about the “orgasm gap” between men and women?

Understanding Meaning

To investigate what people mean when they talk about “sexual satisfaction”, Sara I McClelland of the University of Michigan asked 40 US participants a series of questions to determine their satisfaction on various aspects of sex including their emotions, the quality of the relationship, and how focused they were on their partner as opposed to how focused they were on orgasm during sex. 

You see, it’s  all very well doing a piece of research and simply assuming you know what “sexual satisfaction” means, but unless you ask real people what they think it means, you might not be measuring anything real at all. 

Also, it’s pretty damn’ obvious that sexual experiences and relationships are inextricably linked to the cultural context in which they take place – for example, what’s acceptable in one society is far from acceptable in another society.

For example, knowing how to make a woman come by means of cunnilingus is commonplace in the west but some religions forbid this way of pleasing a woman in bed.

Pleasuring a woman in bed is easy
What she thinks of as satisfaction may be very different from what he thinks of as satisfaction!

Sexual Satisfaction Is Not Just About Giving A Woman An Orgasm

So, sexual satisfaction can definitely mean different things to different people. Even so, we all tend to assume that we know what it means (orgasmic pleasure or frequency, perhaps).

Indeed, studies which have been done in the past simply set out to establish the answers to questions such as “How sexually satisfied are you?” This question can become meaningless quite quickly. For one thing, as we’ve already mentioned, the socio-political culture influences what people think of as indicating sexual satisfaction.

What Makes You Satisfied?

 Previous work has shown that men define sexual satisfaction in relation to how often they have intercourse, as well as the difference between how often they want intercourse and how often they get it.

Women, by contrast, define sexual satisfaction in terms of how often intercourse happens, but beyond that, trust and mutual enjoyment are essential before a woman will feel that she’s enjoyed sexual satisfaction.

To put it bluntly, men’s sexual satisfaction tends to depend less on relationships and context, and more on the experience of orgasm, than women’s.

This is not to imply that emotional factors are completely absent from men’s sexual satisfaction, but it’s important to note that men regard the outcome of intercourse as more important, while women seem to regard the context of intercourse as a direct factor in sexual satisfaction.

And then you have lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and “questioning” men and women whose view of what constitutes sexual satisfaction may be different again.

At this point you might be forgiven for thinking that this was becoming an incredibly complicated question – and in fact you’d be right!

How to make a woman come in fifteen minutes
What does she mean by sexual satisfaction? That her partner knows how to make a woman come? Or that he actually does so?

But by asking participants in the study a number of different questions related to different aspects of sexual satisfaction, and then establishing which factors are correlated with each other, it becomes possible to analyze what people mean by “sexual satisfaction” (and, by implication, sexual pleasure).

We’ve already mentioned that men seem to be much more orgasm-oriented than women.

This does not mean women regard having an orgasm during partnered sex as unimportant, but it may suggest that women think the effort their male partner puts into making a woman come (or into giving a woman an orgasm) is more important that the orgasm itself.

The questions in this study covered a wide range of possible sexual behaviours, as well as the feelings that might come from them, and the experiences which a couple could have before they felt sexually satisfied.

She also interviewed the participants so as to establish what helped them to distinguish satisfactory and unsatisfactory sexual experiences.

What did all this demonstrate?

First of all, for men, feeling masculine as a result of their sexual experience was very important.

In addition there were a number of specific emotional experiences which provided men with sexual satisfaction – these included feeling safe, letting one’s guard down, and trusting a partner. Being able to “let go” involved exploring aspects of sexual behaviour which might not be or feel safe in other situations – such as eroticized aggression.

For women, emotional closeness and trust as well as sex within a monogamous relationship were important to feel sexual satisfaction. Women also wanted to feel “merged” with a partner – another aspect of relational closeness. 

Another quality emphasized by women was that “feeling close” to a man was important, and the way they saw it, the closest they could get to a man was to feel him inside them. (So they might be less concerned about your ability to give a woman an orgasm than you thought…..)

When it comes to feelings of emotional closeness, women often report that their orgasm is less important than the man’s orgasm. And many women say that having an orgasm is not at all important for them to feel sexually satisfied.

(How interesting to read this,  in the light of another article on this blog which talks about the orgasm gap between men and women.)

The Same Old, Same Old

There’s another factor for the men here:  the importance of “giving a woman an orgasm”. The research showed it’s important for men to feel they’ve pleased their partner by giving a woman an orgasm or making a woman come.

Among the women, making sure that the man they were with was satisfied seemed to be important to their sense of sexual satisfaction.

To sum up this aspect of the research, men are happy to give a woman an orgasm, and they experience this as increasing their own sexual satisfaction (they speak of an increase in energy or an emotional payoff).

Women, however, especially young women, tend to describe partner satisfaction (specifically giving a partner an orgasm) as a key part of their own sexual satisfaction.

It’s hardly surprising that both men and women get some reinforcement of their sense of masculinity and femininity from prescribed sex roles, because nature evolved us this to be that way.

Video – Sexual intelligence

What’s slightly more surprising is the degree to which women get satisfaction from giving their partner an orgasm, rather than enjoying one themselves.

This may be something to do with sexual maturity, because the tendency was more marked in younger women than in older women.

However, with a clear understanding of gender differences, researchers can move ahead knowing what people mean when they talk about sexual satisfaction.

A final important note:  there is increasingly marked criticism of our sexual mores by feminist researchers who say that orgasm plays a role in maintaining patriarchal privilege in heterosexual relationships.

As an example of this from the study above, one man who was in a relationship said that if his partner had an orgasm he would feel “like he’d done his job.”

This is an interesting indication of how orgasm has become a kind of commodity within a relationship rather than a means to sexual satisfaction in its own right.

To sum it all up, what constitutes sexual satisfaction is as variable as individuals themselves.

For some, orgasm is an important component of sexual satisfaction; for others it is not.

Unsurprisingly, emotional closeness and emotional satisfaction tends to feature more in the sexual satisfaction of women than men.

A reinforcement in an individual’s sense of masculinity or femininity is also associated with sexual satisfaction.

And emotional closeness is both a route to satisfying sex and an outcome of satisfying sex. Perhaps this is hardly surprising when you consider how a woman has to be relaxed and trusting of her partner to be able to enter a space where the man knows how to give a woman an orgasm.

Last but not least, the research demonstrated the importance of the context of satisfaction as opposed to the simple measure of how much or how often someone is sexually “satisfied”.